All-In

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I listen to a sermon today it was about being all in. And it made me think about a lot of things. What am I all in and what am I not all in? I’m all in when it comes to my marriage. Just learning and growing with one another has made me appreciate who I have in my life. I’m all in when it comes to being a mother and also when it comes to my friendships. But one thing I don’t seem to be all in about is my writing. I seem to doubt myself and read other people’s work and I just stop writing. But I know what I have to offer when it comes to my writing so why am I not all in? That is a question that I don’t have an answer for. I know that I have a story to tell and I know that the story that I have to tell will help and bless someone. I haven’t written since my friend passed away. I know that this isn’t an excuse, but I have to be all-in when it comes to what I’m passionate about. So what’s your all in?

My book:

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I’m learning that writing is a marathon and not a sprint. I love all the feedback that I have gotten from my book so far. One thing that I didn’t realize is that people want more. They can tell where I was holding back and they want me to not hold back in this book. They also want more information about things. I’m happy with all the feedback and I didn’t expect people to want more from this book. I see now that I’m going to have to go deeper and open up more. For anyone who has ever written a book, what I thought was easy is not. For all the authors out there I have nothing but respect for you when it comes to writing. I may not like every book that I read but I know when an author was genuine about there story and when they are not. Like I said I thought that I had a date where I wanted everything completed, but I’m going to go with the flow and not rush. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. It took a friend of mines three years to get her book out. So I’m going to take my time and write this book.

Rough Draft update:

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Hey everyone,
I wanted to give you an update on my book. So I sent out the first 5 chapters of my rough draft. And so far everyone is loving this book. I got some words of advice on a couple of chapters. They want me to dig deeper and open up more. This book is about my life and some of the chapters are emotional and some of the chapters are about my struggles with things. And you never know how someone will react to what you write. This is my baby and to let others read it had given me some anxiety but the feedback has been amazing. I’m working on some of the feedback as well as continuing to write the remaining chapters of my book. One thing that I’m doing that I noticed that others haven’t is I’m not worried about the word count our if all chapters are the same. Some chapters will be longer and some shorter. I have to go with my heart on this and not follow certain rules for writing. I know that some won’t agree with me and that’s okay. Welp back to writing.

My weekend:

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I must say that my weekend was great. We didn’t do anything at all. I live in the DFW area so Friday there were storms, tornadoes, and hail in some areas. Then on Saturday morning, we had some snow. I was truly excited about the snow because I’m from the Midwest and it doesn’t snow here in Texas. But one of my favorite things about this weekend is the talks that my husband and I had. It was so nice to be able to open my heart and let him know how I was feeling. It made me feel closer to him. I’m learning that people do care about how you feel and what you say. You just have to give them a chance. It was nice to hear my husband say that I’m communicating better with him about my feelings. I’m on this journey to get better as a person, one day at a time. How was your weekend?

Betrayal:

Betrayal can come in all types of forms. It can be a betrayal of a friend, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend or employer. I’ve never felt more hurt then I did with the company that I use to work for. How could I have put my trust in them, just to be betrayed? I worked for this company for almost two years and I felt like people where genuine, but it all changed when my co-worker got fired. It felt like certain people changed toward me. All along I felt like they understood me and cared for me. But in reality, they didn’t. As soon as I put in my two weeks’ notice the girl that they fired they asked her to come back. A true shocker to say the least. I don’t understand how you say we have a zero-tolerance policy workplace but then hire her back??? And the bad part about it was the fact that people thought that I didn’t know. Oh, they showered me with kind and loving words. But little did they know that I already knew. I was hurting but I never took it out on them. I came in and did my job and made sure everything was good before my last day. But the fact that no one had the respect to let me know told me all that I needed to know. You are easily replaceable. You’re not as important as you thought you were. I worked hard every day doing the right thing but only to be betrayed like this. It hurts but in the end, I know that I made the best decision for me. This a huge learning moment. There are people who I knew were genuine and only want the best for me. And then there are those who don’t really care. I don’t wish them ill will. I wish them much success. This moment has made me better. I’ve grown up a lot because I would never have had peace to be able to pray for them and wish them the best. I know that in the end, I will be okay. I’m glad to be growing and learning important life lessons.

Thankful: Day 10

I’m thankful for my healing. See I have been through so much within the past several months. And I’m finally beginning to heal from all the hurt that was done to me. I held on to the hurt long enough. I’m thankful for the hurt that has to lead to healing. There is a process in all this and I’m thankful. This healing process is going to belong and it’s going to be needed to make me a better me. There are always blessings in lessons. You just have to want to learn them. I’m thankful for this time to heal. I’m going to be better than I was before.

Thankful Day 2:

I’m thankful for my husband. To be honest he is my rock. Words can’t describe how much I love him and how much he means to me. My husband is a quiet and laid back man. When I need advise his wisdom and knowledge give me strength. He believes in me like no other. His support of his family is priceless. See my husband is a very creative soul. He introduces me to new music, food, and some awesome adventures. Trust me there is never a dull moment with him. He’s not the most affectionate guy, but what he gives me in return is priceless. I just want him to know how thankful I am for him. Never give up on your dreams and know that you will always have a best friend in me. I will always be here to bounce ideas off of, to laugh with and to get on your nerves. Yes, I said get on your nerves. Know that God has something so special in store for you that he is preparing you for a time like this. Don’t worry about people who don’t support your dreams or don’t understand you. Keep embracing and loving the people that do. God is going to bring some amazing, long-lasting friendships your way. Know that everything that you have been through is setting you up for nothing but greatness. Teach others to never give up and let them know where you come from and have been through. Know that you are a blessing to everyone that you come in contact with. You may not see it but they do. Know that you are someone special and continue to hold your head up high and know that you are loved. Thank you for being you and always being here for the ones that need you the most. Thank you for 9 years of marriage. It hasn’t always been easy but the journey has been fun. Embrace your truth, love, and happiness. You are truly a gift from God. Thankful for you in my life.

My Superhero:

I don’t think you know just how much you mean to me. You’re more like a superhero that’s not in my dreams. I can’t believe your my husband you’re like a dream come true. Your my superhero who’s not just in my dreams. I love you more than you know. Where would I be and what would I do? God only made one of you. I’m glad He blessed me with a man like you. Your more than I could have dreamed of. What can I say and what can I do? I’m just blessed that God gave me you. You’re more than a husband your my personal superhero.

My inner me is my enemy:

Interestingly, I’m my own worse enemy. My inner me is my enemy. I doubt myself and let myself down daily. Why? Because I listen to the voices of others. I know my worth and dedication so why do I listen to others? I’m not sure. But I’m going to work on that. I doubt myself often because there are so many people who are better than me in so many areas. I don’t necessarily see myself in the best light. I find myself comparing myself to others. I find myself listening to outsiders. I don’t listen to the voice of God or my inner self. I have a lot of distraction that fills my day. I had to step back and realize that a lot of the distraction that I was hearing wasn’t positive. People don’t always wanna see you succeed or even grow. They like to see you down and doing nothing with your life. I had to take a deep look at my distractions and one thing that they had in common was the fact that their lives were miserable. They were not living to their fullest potential at all. No matter how happy I was they would find some way to bring me down. I had to take a better look at myself and say to myself girl you are so better than this. You need to not let people stand in your way of what God has for you. Nothing good comes from miserable people. I’m working to quiet the distractions in my life and not let people take from me what God has for me. I’m working on me to be a better me. My inner me will not be my enemy anymore. I won’t let my doubts and fears distract me anymore. I will speak life into my life. I will encourage myself daily and remind myself I can do anything that I set my mind to. My inner me will not be my enemy anymore.

Marriage Growth:

I’m a wife and I don’t have it all figured out. I have struggled to try to understand all that a wife is suppose to be. I’m the wife who is there for you, I cook, clean and do all the wifely duties but there has to be more right? Yes, there is more. What about what made you two fall in love? It’s not all about doing it’s being in the moment with and for each other. Working and praying together is important. Having conversations that will help you grow and learn from one other. Be in the moment with each other. Learn to appreciate the time that you do have. Make sure you’re making each other the best that you can be. I’m not the perfect wife but I’m learning how to grow in my marriage. It’s not about putting on a front that your marriage is great. My marriage has been through all stages, but we are committed to making it last. Marriage takes work and time. We work to make money but anything important should take work.