I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, but one thing that keeps coming back to my mind is me being a wife. I struggle with this a lot because well my husband isn’t like me. To be honest he is nowhere like me or any other guy that I have dated. We are truly complete opposites. I use to be the type of person who could hold a grudge for years but I have changed in that area, but one area I haven’t changed in well a couple of areas is forgiveness and just able to hear him out when we get into it. Why can’t I do these things? To be honest, I’m not sure, maybe my heart hardens and I don’t want to at the time. I can go weeks and months not talking to someone and I know that’s not healthy at all. But last week my husband asked me where is my grace? Maybe I don’t extend grace to him? Do I extend grace to anyone? I’m not sure, to be honest. For some reason I’m struggling being a wife, maybe it’s not being a wife I’m struggling with maybe it’s deeper I’m not sure. I know that I care about my husband and love him, but to be honest, sometimes I can walk away from him and not want to come back. That’s mean, right? I don’t know what I’m dealing with but I need to do a lot of work on myself that is for sure. It’s not easy dealing with the truth but it’s necessary.
I’m blessed to be a wife but what scares me is how to love. I mean I think I know how to love, but not really. I never had anyone to show me what love looked like toward a man. I’m a very affectionate person but as far as my heart goes well how do I know if I’m loving my husband the way he should be loved? I’ve had a lot of past hurts in my life so I have guarded my heart, but how do I know if I have opened up my heart enough to give him what he needs?