2020 wasn’t the best year for me. It started with me having some health issues. Then in the middle of the year my daughter and I not seeing eye to eye. Then my marriage being I don’t know up and down. Through all of that, I still kept making an effort and helping anyone who needed my help. But I always seem to do it for others and not myself. I feel like I had lost myself and my voice last year. It felt like everything around me is crumbling. But I hadn’t lost my voice at all. I love to blog and write. So between journaling and blogging, I was finding my voice in those lonely hours. When everything around me was crashing down I still had my voice. Things are a lot better with my husband and daughter, but one thing I need not ever forget is that I have a voice and to use it. Trust me losing yourself in others and never saying how you feel is not okay. I will be using my voice this year and not shying away from how I feel.
We all have a voice. But how are you using your voice? Have you lost your voice? Has your voice been silent? I’ve always been a haven for others and people have told me stories that I have never repeated to anyone. But I’ve never found that person to tell my secrets, fears, etc with. I tell people things but I never go deep and I want to change that. But how do I change that? I’ve always wanted to let people know how much fear and insecurity that I have. I have always had a love/fear relationship with men and women. I had friends who I had known for years but they did things to lose my trust so I guarded myself. And I have guarded myself for so many years that I don’t know how to break it. People will always hurt me I know that but we are flawed and imperfect people. But I have to understand that not all people mean me to hurt and pain. But I have put up a wall to the point where I don’t know how to tear it down. I’m on a mission to tear down these walls within myself to let people in without fear and pain. I have always wanted a deeper relationship with people. And it’s time for me to start learning how to let go and try. But right now it’s hard. Am I the only one who has gone through this?