Where should I begin… I guess at the beginning. I have never been depressed before. I have known many people who have and as I look back I made judgments. Well, one reason was that what they were experiencing and projecting on the outside I wasn’t dealing with it that way. I wasn’t sleeping all day or moody. I wasn’t locked in my room or didn’t want to talk to anyone. I was the same old me, but different. I didn’t know know what it was at first. I was sad all the time, but I kept up this face like everything was okay.
I said to myself whatever I’m dealing with or going through I will handle it on my own. Well, let me go back and explain how all this started. Last year I lost my job in September and it took me many months just to get one. I felt like a failure in so many ways. But I masked how I felt with a smile and made sure that everyone else was okay. Our bank account kept getting low and my husband and I were going through it. But I kept believing that I would be okay. I kept feeling like whatever I was dealing with I would be fine.
At this time I was in counseling but I never talked to my counselor about what I was dealing with inside. We talked about other things during my session. I felt like I could deal with whatever I was going through on my own. Well, it got so bad that I would cry myself to sleep. I didn’t know how to talk about everything that I was going through. My focus was on finding a job so that we don’t have to worry about having one income anymore.
I felt hopeless but I was waking up every morning and going about my day like I was perfectly fine until I wasn’t. My husband voiced his concern to me regarding what I could do more to help out. And well I just lost it. All the sadness, hopelessness and just plain old I can’t fix me anymore just came out. As you can imagine my husband had no clue that I was going through this. I can make this look great when inside I’m dying. With all this out the weight of my depression felt somewhat light. But I still had a long way to go. I stopped going to counseling because the money was low.
So I started to do some research and I came across some great articles that changed my life. I was going to be okay. I have depression but not so bad that I need medicine. I have found some great tips to help me deal with it. I’m really taking the time out to work on myself. I know that a lot of people on my blog have reached out because I wasn’t blogging like I use to and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know what I was struggling with. But right now I’m ready to talk. I might not be blogging as much as I use to but know that I’m working on myself to be a better me. I’m getting better but I feel that there are some areas that I need to concentrate more on.
It helps that I have a job that I really like and that I have people who care. Knowing that I have a community of fellow bloggers who have my back and care about me means the world to me. I might be struggling with some things right now, but just know it’s not going to last forever. This pandemic has been a struggle for everyone. Everyone has been going through it whether they tell you or not. Just know that you and I will get through this together. It takes one day at a time and one step at a time. If you have any tips or suggestions I’m open to hearing them. So smile I’m going to be okay.