Just my thoughts:

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2020 has been one heck of a year. But it also has been a year where people’s true colors have come out. I have never known such hatred and negativity. I have never known so many people stand up and say that they don’t like this group of people. I have never known people to do things to intimated you, just because they can. What is happening to this world? I feel like things are falling apart, to be honest. Where did all this hate come from? Where did all this injustice come from? It hurts to know that we are all in this together but we are so divided. Hate is a powerful thing but so is love. We have got to do so much better. We can’t have white against black. Police against black. We need to come together and do better. I remember this song that we use to sing at church ” This world is not my home, I’m just a passing through. I wish we could get rid of the hate. Just my thoughts.

Invisible:

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Have you ever felt invisible to the point that people see you but don’t see you? They look at you but don’t realize you need someone to talk to or just a friend. They don’t understand when your sad or just need a listening ear. Do we even care about people’s feelings anymore than we are rushed in and out of conversations? I do feel invisible at times around people. I’m the comforter and I’m the one that people lean on, but when does it become my turn? I don’t like to impose my questions or problems on people who don’t want to hear them. I’m at an age where I want people to genuinely care about having a relationship/ conversation with me. I don’t want to feel invisible anymore. I don’t want to be the person that others can rely on but I don’t have the same in return. Just letting out some thoughts on how I’m feeling. Anyone else ever felt invisible before?

Ranting: Again

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It’s hard to understand a lot of times what it’s like to be different. I’m very outgoing but for my husband, he is not. I get mad because I feel like he doesn’t try hard enough to socialize. But if you know someone who is dealing with social anxiety then you know what I’m talking about. It’s easier for him to talk one on one or two on two but more than that he gets lost not really sure when to jump in the conversation. I see him struggle with this a lot and it upsets me that more people don’t realize that everyone is not the same. We are all not social butterflies. The anxiety I see and I know he wishes he could be more social. He’s left out of things at work and just in general. He’s not a person who will approach you and just start talking. He has to really be comfortable with you. I wish we could be a more understanding society. It took me a while to be more understanding of what he is dealing with. We need to take the time to care about others who are not like us.

Thinking out loud:

What is it about me that people know that I’m a haven in their life? I have always been the person that people can come and talk to about anything. I’ve always been there for anyone who needed me, but have you ever felt alone anyway? You can help solve other’s problems but don’t know where to start when it comes to solving your problems? Yeah, this is where I’m at in my life. I go hard for anyone who needs me, but when I need it in return I get a lukewarm response. Why is that? Why can I be the go-to person but I don’t have that. Naw is it me or is it them? I’m not sure, to be honest. I don’t require or ask much. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to and have someone really listen and be there for you. Maybe I’m more complicated then I realize. I don’t know just thinking out loud. But am I alone with how I feel?