I’m struggling right now. I’m not going to lie I can’t see the positive right now. I have so much to be thankful for I get that. But when you feel like so much is going wrong at the moment it’s hard to keep a smile on your face. I have so many people texting and calling me about jobs they are getting, or a new house, etc. And I honestly don’t want to answer the phone or text messages. While I am truly happy for them, I don’t feel like the sun is shining in my life right now. I see the good in my life I truly do but right now when there are things that you need and you pray about it and wait. Well, I’m still waiting. I know that God moves on his time not our time but this is hard right now. Going home last week took my mind off a lot of things but it only furthered reminded me of what I don’t have. I know that I should take the focus off of my situation which I have, but when you wake up it’s still there. I’m trying to focus on something besides my problem but it never seems to work for long. I know that problems don’t last always, but right now I feel like I don’t have a solution to my problem.
We all deal with struggles, but some struggles can affect our lives. One of my struggles is I’m a product of divorce. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old. They say that divorce is hard for the parents, but it’s also hard for the kids. My mom was hurt and very bitter regarding her divorce. I heard about her dislike for my dad often and it made me never want to get married. While my dad just went on with his life and got married again. But what I didn’t realize is how much it affected me. As I got older I dealt with men who cheated on me and it triggered something in me from my past. My dad cheated on my mom and got another woman pregnant and it crushed my mom. And I felt like I was going down the same path that my mom had gone down but I wasn’t married. But I had to realize that I wasn’t my mom and that I had to move on. When I got married I was so excited but in the back of my mind, I always felt like what if I get divorced? This question has always been a pain on my side. My husband hasn’t cheated on me and he told me that he wasn’t going anywhere. I’m either going to trust him or I will always be plagued with this annoying question. But one thing that I do realize being married for 10 years is that you have to have two people who are committed to one another. If one person is half in and the other is all in then it just might not work. Another thing is that you can’t compare your life with someone else’s life. This has been my struggle for many years, but I have learned to let it go. I can’t keep dwelling on this question. They say that love conquers all but I believe two people who truly want this to work conquers all.