Taking care of me:

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I’ve been taking care of myself and I have been learning me more and more. I have learned what I want and what I don’t want. I have been loving me more and more. But one thing that has truly made my heart swell is the fact that my husband has been so supportive and loving to me. My husband and I have been in a really good place. I haven’t been going out of my way and doing stuff for everyone. And it’s nice to see that my words are important and to be taken seriously. It hurts that I had to go off to get results. It hurts that people don’t seem to care as much as you do. But I learned that my level of caring isn’t always other people’s level of care. They care they just show it in different ways. I’m learning to be patient and understanding when it comes to those things. My chest pain has gone away. I know that it was most definitely stress. I’m learning and growing. But one thing is truly important for me and that’s taking some me time. I’m not going to neglect myself or always be available like I use to be.

My peace:

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I’m learning more than ever that I need to protect my peace. I have let people get to me to a point where my peace isn’t protected. As I look back on last week it has been one of the most stressful weeks in a long time. I have been unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted. All while I’m doing the things that I need to do for others. I had to truly ask myself is this stress and anger worth all this? And the answer was no. I honestly never thought my daughter and I would butt heads so much. I’m a very easy-going parent and I feel like maybe that can be the issue. In life, we all have to make decisions that are best for us. And I decide to protect my peace at all costs. We have found ways to compromise but in the end, it’s time for me to be selfish. I’m taking back my peace.

Stronger:

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You never know how strong you are until you have to be. I felt like everything within me was giving up. It was the worse pain that I have ever felt, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Maybe I didn’t want to deal with it. Maybe, I thought it would go away on its own if I didn’t acknowledge the pain within me. But I had to, I’ve dealt with this storm to many times from too many people. And yet when the same storm from a different person, came I couldn’t handle it. It hurt too much to handle, it. Why does this keep happening to me? Why do I not feel good enough? But God whispered something so powerful to me. He said you are enough. I had forgiven this person but the pain was way more than I knew how to bare. What do you do next? I prayed and cried and prayed and cried. And then it hit me that the person that caused me the pain was in pain also. I had to look at the situation and understand that the enemy will try to knock you down at all costs. I was going to be alright I just had to understand that how I see the situation isn’t how the situation is. I had to learn true forgiveness at that moment and also that people deal with things that we just don’t know about. When you going through situations it might be easy for the person who has never struggled or dealt with it to give you all kinds of suggestions. But if you have never been in that situation, it’s also easy to condemn that person as well. We all deal with things, whether it’s in secret or not. I had to put myself in that person’s shoes and ask myself what, would I want someone to do for me? Sometimes you have to love someone through their issues. Giving up is always easy but staying is hard.

Self-Care time:

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I realized that I have let my self-care go. I have been trying to make sure everyone else is getting what they need and are okay. But I just don’t seem to take care of myself enough. I have let me go for the sake of others. How often we forget our selves for the ones that we love. But we need to stop forgetting about ourselves. If we are not recharging then what can we offer someone else when we are on empty ourselves? It’s been hard but I’ve been operating on empty for too long. I have noticed that my peace and happiness I simply can’t give because I’m empty. I need to recharge and focus on myself. I’m working on me one day at a time for now on.

New journey:

I’m on this new journey of learning how to breathe, forgive and let things go. I’m not very good at forgiveness but this is much needed in my life. To many things are weighing me down. Life is to short to do the same things and get the same results. After last Sunday I need to find my joy and happiness. I have to move on in order to heal and let love truly in. One step at a time. One day at a time.

How are you:

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How are you doing? No really how are you doing? I just wanted to ask you how you were doing. I know some of you might not have anyone to check on you and I know others who have people that check on them. But let’s be honest how are you doing? I will tell you that I struggle at times with this pandemic. There are days that I feel lazy and just can’t get with my routine. There are days that all I want to do is sleep and sleep. It’s like my mind and body can’t get adjusted to this pandemic. I don’t understand it to be honest. But I do start my day with God and tea. I walk in the evenings with my hubby. I read and try to limit the amount of news that I watch but sometimes I can’t help it I just keep watching more of the news then I should. My great uncle turned 91 yesterday and I’m like God is good. He said that even though this pandemic is bad he’s okay and just glad that he get’s to see another birthday. My spirit has been low and then there are times when encouraging other’s helps me. I would love to say that everyday is sunshine and rainbows but it’s not. I’m glad that I have a great support system that checks on me and loves me. Please take care of yourself and make sure you take time to do self care. It can be reading a book, taking a bath, walking or just enjoying a good movie. Take time out for you and make sure you check on others. I have learned that during this time people need people who care about them. How are doing really? I want to know.

Loving me:

I’ve never considered myself as beautiful. I’m not a confident person when it comes to my looks and body. See I have been molested and physically abused. So to me, my self-worth was low. I’ve had to battle forgiving myself for what happened to me years ago. But something happened on my birthday that I can’t explain. I felt confident and beautiful in my skin. I’ve never felt sexy before but it’s like all the layers of me fell off that day. It’s like the little girl and woman that I am coming to realize I’m beautiful. Despite what others tried to take from me I have survived.
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you
I love you for your joys and pains
The strength you give
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you
You hide your pain no one can see
The love you give is beyond beauty
You give so much and get nothing in return
So many lessons all have been learned
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you
They may not see your beauty
And what you have to share
Your joy is endless and some are aware
Your love for other’s never goes unnoticed
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you

It took me a while to look within and understand that no matter what was done they can’t take away my beauty. I’ve always heard that I was beautiful, pretty, etc but I never believed it. Until now my eyes are wide open and no matter what anyone may feel I’m beautiful. I will no longer accept my insecurities any longer.

Self-talk:

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We all do self talk to ourselves whether it’s healthy or not. Lately, my self-talk has been great. I know that there are things that I need to change, do better, and simply stop doing. I’m making a great effort this week to put a lot of things that I have been putting off into practice. My self talk use to be negative and quite depressing but not anymore. I’m learning that that older that I get the more I want to be a better me for me. If I’m better for myself then I can make the people around me better and help them to believe in themselves as well. I know who I am and who I want to be. I’m not easy to persuade by people around me. I know my story and what I have been through. I know what I need to do to get beyond what people think I should be. I believe in me enough to see my dreams come true and those around me. What does your self-talk look like?

Letter to my 20 year old self:

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When I was in my 20’s I couldn’t have imagined where my life would lead me. But now that I’m in my 40’s life has been a true adventure. Listen I know your struggling with love and understanding love. You have had your heart broken so many times just by being yourself. And trust me there is nothing wrong with being yourself, your going to find that special someone that God has just for you. Trust me I know, I’m in the future. You’re doing a great job with your kids, keep it up. Trust me they hear you and understand the wisdom that you are giving them. You’re a dreamer and it’s okay to dream but you must get your head out of the clouds. You have always been a risker taker and you will continue to be one. Do me a favor and work on you and loving you, because now that you’re in your 40’s you’re doing this. Understand that everything doesn’t need to lead to a misunderstanding. Hear the person out and listen to there heart. It’s okay to have time to yourself we all need it. Please learn to say no before you hit 40, it’s really important. Remember who you are and whose you are. God created a wonderful woman even though you don’t always feel this way. Don’t be so hard on yourself we all go through things, but the important thing is to learn and grow. People will come and go out of your life and it’s okay don’t take it personally. You’re going to meet some truly amazing people along the way. Your doing great don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Trust me your 40’s will be different.

Take care of you:

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So how are you doing? Have you been taking care of yourself? If not why not? Even though we are in the house we still need to take care of ourselves. Self-care is so important right now because you can’t do a lot. These are the things that I love to do to take care of me. I will go to my room and read, write, take a long bubble bath, etc. These are just a few ways to take care of you. You need to be healthy and in good shape mentally, spiritually and physically. When this is all over you need to be the best version of you. Take this time to do something for you. Find a spot in the house and just have some you time. How are you taking care of yourself?