Take care of you:

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So how are you doing? Have you been taking care of yourself? If not why not? Even though we are in the house we still need to take care of ourselves. Self-care is so important right now because you can’t do a lot. These are the things that I love to do to take care of me. I will go to my room and read, write, take a long bubble bath, etc. These are just a few ways to take care of you. You need to be healthy and in good shape mentally, spiritually and physically. When this is all over you need to be the best version of you. Take this time to do something for you. Find a spot in the house and just have some you time. How are you taking care of yourself?

About yesterday:

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Yesterday was not a good day at all. My husband got on my last nerve. This was just another way to take something bad and turn it into good. I went to my room and started rewriting my book. Yes rewriting my book. I haven’t really been working on it like I would like to but yesterday I rewrote two chapters. This is certainly a challenging time and the argument was just dumb, but just being together was a lot yesterday. So pretty much all day yesterday everyone was in their own space which was nice because the tension was down. I guess this is another way to learn new things. Personally, space is important. Tension is going to be high you just have to know how to defusive the situation. I was okay reading and rewriting my book. Trying to make this new normal, normal. Have a great day.

Stop complaining:

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Maybe it’s me but I’m tired of hearing people complain that they have to be at home with their spouse and kids. Am I missing something? So would you rather your family have the virus? I’m confused? Most people are working from home, okay you have a job. Be thankful because most people have lost their jobs or were out of work before the virus. So now you have to spend time with your kids! Kids grow up so fast please cherish them while they are still at home. And now you have to be with your spouse all the time. I don’t mind my husband working from home trust me it’s teaching me patience. Something that I seriously need to learn. Why don’t we all look at this situation from a positive standpoint? How about maybe this will create a closer bond with your spouse and kids. Maybe learning how to be creative in the family, our even learning something new about each other. You can go for walks, paint, draw or do something fun. I would rather my family be healthy than sick. I would rather use this time as a learning lesson. I’m not taking anything for granted. Maybe we all need to learn some patience.

Poem:

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God I’m drowning in wanting to have peace
I feel like I place value on trying to please others
God why haven’t I put my trust in you
I was seeking others but didn’t find you
I want to be closer to you Lord and lean on you always
God I need your peace and comfort all around me
God show me your love and let it surround me
God I want to be loved by others but they have faults
You will never leave me nor forsake me
God I need your love and peace
God I need you your the one that I seek

This to shall pass:

I had a really good weekend, but here’s what hurts the most. My dad went to one of my cousin’s wedding this weekend. WHOA. My dad hasn’t shown up for me on anything, but you couldn’t come to see me last weekend. But here you are at my cousin’s wedding. I’m glad that he spent time with my sons but when should I be important in his life? When should I matter? When will you show up for me? Those questions don’t even matter anymore because I have gone on with my life. I still care about him but I don’t talk to him anymore. I don’t want to be around him anymore. But it shows me more and more how less important I am to him.

Forgiveness:

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I need to work on my forgiveness. I went to bed mad last night and I was okay with that. But this morning when I got up I apologized to my husband. I’m lucky because God woke me up this morning. But what if I didn’t wake up this morning? Why am I okay going to bed mad and not caring about saying I’m sorry? I’m not okay with it but I do have a hard time apologizing to people. I’m a work in progress I know. But one thing that I have learned is when I do go to bed mad I don’t sleep very well. Last night was a rough sleep as well. But the point is tomorrow is not promised so don’t let your pride get in the way.

What now:

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I can’t believe that starting a new chapter would be so hard. It seems like the devil has been attacking me so hard. I felt like releasing baggage and letting people go would be so easy and simple but it hasn’t been. I got a bomb dropped on me yesterday from someone I’m super close to. I’m hurt and wondering where our relationship will go from here. I don’t understand why so much has been happening to me. I felt like releasing the bad energy and putting positive energy out would be great but it hasn’t been. I know that I will be okay but man when will I start having a much-needed break. I’m truly continuing to work on me and love me despite what is going on around me.

Taken me back:

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I feel lighter than I have in months. I’m letting go of all things that have weighed me down for years. Not only have I let go of not having my dad in my life, but I’m also opening my heart and being more vulnerable about how I feel. I don’t try to hide behind a mask anymore. I’m embracing my truth. I have learned that life is way to short to let others have power over me. I’m working on myself and loving myself to being a better person. My peace doesn’t come from others it comes from the Lord. My joy and happiness is on me and not about others. I’m sure that I will shed other loads from my life soon. This is just beginning to doing better and being better. God is doing great work in my life. I know that holding on to so much baggage has taken a toll on my heart. I’m taking my health back as well. It’s time to get me together.

Adult time out:

I’m currently reading a book by Sheila Walsh titled it’s okay not to be okay. I needed to take some time out to get me together. I haven’t quite got me to were I want to be but I’m getting better. It helps to have people around you that care. Tomorrow is my stress test and sonogram and I’m nervous but I know that I will be okay. I know that I don’t have to fake when I’m not okay and that it’s alright not to have all the answers at once. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and just need time to yourself. I want to comfort and be there for people when in reality I need to comfort and be there for myself sometimes. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself in a time out and figuring out your situation. There is nothing wrong with needing time alone to get you together. Love on yourself and spend time with yourself, you’re worth it. And I’m taking my own advice.

Where is my faith?:

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I’ve been down on myself lately and the negative talk that I’m giving myself is not helping. I don’t know why I don’t trust God in my situation. I don’t know why I force myself to make things happen. I want what I want now and if it’s not in God’s will for it to happen now then it won’t. No matter how much I feel like I should be here instead of there. Where is my faith? Where is my trust? Why does it seem like in the hard times I doubt and don’t have the faith that I should? Why is it when things are going right I fully trust the Lord? I don’t always like waiting but there are times when I do need to wait. Because when I take it upon myself to make things happen it just gets worse. I know that I need to make some changes in my life and take this opportunity to pray and trust that God will deliver me from this. Life isn’t always going to be easy but I need to be content in any state that I’m in.