I don’t know about you but I want to think and dream differently. I’m reading a book which I will review shortly that has changed my way of thinking. I have doubts just like anyone else, but why do I let those doubts get the best of me? It’s time to rethink my thinking. It’s time to see myself as the best version of myself. It’s time for me to think about what I can be and do without doubts and fears. Not only that but last year I use to mediate and it really helped me to focus on things that matter. Well, I got away from that but I will be getting back to it. It made my day so much better. But I thought about how I talk to myself during the day and my language to myself isn’t always positive and helpful. I need to speak better to myself. I need to really get some good affirmations going with myself. I need to speak better over myself. If I can encourage others and speak better to them than to myself something is wrong. I need to change my whole conversation with myself. I have heard people who look in the mirror and speak positive things to themselves and I use to think that was weird. But not anymore. Self-love is the best love. It’s time for some changes in a better direction for me. I hope you speak love over yourself today.
It’s time for me to get back to self-love. What is self-love you ask well according to google Self-love, defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage. I need to get back to loving me and appreciating me more and what I bring to the world. I’m done with all the negative energy that has been coming my way. If you don’t love yourself it’s hard to let other’s love you back in return. With that being said I’m about to love on me so hard that the negative will no longer affect me. Sometimes you have to look at why you allow others to say hurtful things to you. But like I have always said this is a learning lesson. Self-love in full effect.
I’m sitting here trying to type with dirty glasses. How can we see anything if we never clean our vision? I was walking and noticed this gorgeous tree, but the beauty of it wasn’t at all what I was seeing. I had to take off my glasses to fully see just how beautiful it was. When you don’t take the time to see things as they really are you don’t fully understand just how beautiful something can be. Ladies when you look in the mirror do you see everything that is wrong with you or do you see everything right with you? Why do we focus so much on the negative and hardly the positive? It’s time that we cleaned our glasses and see the beauty all around us. It’s so disappointing when we as women have to make ourselves something that we are not to attract a man. Listen I’m a sweat, t-shirt, and tennis shoe type of chick. It’s what’s more comfortable for me but I do dress up and get cute. But I do it for me more than for my husband. I have always not felt comfortable in my skin. I was that female who dressed to impress her man but what made him find me attractive didn’t make me feel attractive. And I was more important than him because I knew my self-worth was more important. Listen I’m not saying for you not to dress up and look good, but make sure you feel good in whatever you have on. Make sure you can look in the mirror and see all your positives and not the negatives. Ladies, you are beautiful, and never forget that. Your light shines even when you don’t think it does. Lift up your heads and know your worth. Trust me this is something that I need also. I don’t always see the positives when I look in the mirror. But I’m working on telling myself each day what I like about myself.
Well, I’m happy to say that Friday afternoon we got our water back. Those days without water were bad. You don’t realize that you take so many things for granted that you use every day. And then one day it’s gone you learn to appreciate it more. Also, I have learned somethings about myself during that crazy winter storm that we had. It was nice having a talk with my husband and letting him know how I’m feeling. I’ve learned that I have things that I haven’t dealt with or took the time to even acknowledge. It was nice to speak the things that I’m dealing with out loud. It’s crazy to say but I’m having a disconnect with my husband and it’s more me than him. I have never been in a relationship where I have felt that anyone was giving me their all. I haven’t ever felt loved in a relationship either. I felt more like the love came with conditions. And I have to learn to love myself and just because I love people a certain way doesn’t mean that they will love me back that way. And that’s okay as well. We are not all alike I have to learn to receive the love that is given to me. I have made time next month for me time. I just feel like it’s time to get me together. Self-love and self-care are very important right now.
I believe that if you want to change then change will come. Well as some of you know I’m on a fast. And I have been on fast’s before but this one is different. There are so many changes that I want to make within myself, some things that I want to do better at, and some things that I wanted to get rid of in my life. When I tell you how relaxed and happy I am. No, listen I’m truly happy, I’m taking the time to listen to my needs and wants. Taking the time to work on me, really work on me. Taking the time to get rid of some bad habits. My change is from the inside out. Before you can change anything about the outside you first need to make changes from the inside. And man let me tell you this process has not been easy but it has been so worth it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m a changed woman because I’m not. I’m still working on myself. But I am more relaxed, my response to people is a lot better and my anxiety is real low. I’m not sure why this time it’s more of a change within myself, but I feel like this time I’m more willing to focus on me and my issues instead of other’s and their issues.
Since I have been fasting I have been trying to get to know myself. Why don’t I love myself? I love myself but why is it easier to love others more than yourself? And it came to me. When you invest and take time to know others it’s easier to love them. But when you neglect yourself and you don’t take the time to know yourself then you can’t love someone you’re not trying to get to know. And I’m taking the time to get to know myself more. I looked in the mirror and named all the things that I didn’t like about myself. But then I looked in the same mirror and told myself all the things that I like about myself. We live in a world where they dictate what the standard of beauty is. But I’m sorry I don’t want to go off of someone’s standard who doesn’t know me to tell me that I’m beautiful. I have to keep telling myself that. I’m not a supermodel but I am beautiful. It hurts that so many women look at celebrities as a standard of beauty. But most of them have had some type of surgery done on them. I’m a natural beauty and the standard of my beauty starts and ends with me. Women you are beautiful, please stop comparing yourself to other women. We have flaws and insecurities. Love you and know that you are beautiful.
2020 wasn’t the best year for me. It started with me having some health issues. Then in the middle of the year my daughter and I not seeing eye to eye. Then my marriage being I don’t know up and down. Through all of that, I still kept making an effort and helping anyone who needed my help. But I always seem to do it for others and not myself. I feel like I had lost myself and my voice last year. It felt like everything around me is crumbling. But I hadn’t lost my voice at all. I love to blog and write. So between journaling and blogging, I was finding my voice in those lonely hours. When everything around me was crashing down I still had my voice. Things are a lot better with my husband and daughter, but one thing I need not ever forget is that I have a voice and to use it. Trust me losing yourself in others and never saying how you feel is not okay. I will be using my voice this year and not shying away from how I feel.
In 2021 I want to focus more on myself. I have taken care of everyone but myself. My children are grown and my husband well he can fend for himself. I have neglected so much that I need to love myself and find out what I like and who I truly am and if there is more to me. I want to truly love myself for awhile. I have lost myself over the years in other people and just making sure everyone was okay. Time to get back to me and find out what I need. Self-love, self-focus time here I come.
I’ve been taking care of myself and I have been learning me more and more. I have learned what I want and what I don’t want. I have been loving me more and more. But one thing that has truly made my heart swell is the fact that my husband has been so supportive and loving to me. My husband and I have been in a really good place. I haven’t been going out of my way and doing stuff for everyone. And it’s nice to see that my words are important and to be taken seriously. It hurts that I had to go off to get results. It hurts that people don’t seem to care as much as you do. But I learned that my level of caring isn’t always other people’s level of care. They care they just show it in different ways. I’m learning to be patient and understanding when it comes to those things. My chest pain has gone away. I know that it was most definitely stress. I’m learning and growing. But one thing is truly important for me and that’s taking some me time. I’m not going to neglect myself or always be available like I use to be.
I’m learning more than ever that I need to protect my peace. I have let people get to me to a point where my peace isn’t protected. As I look back on last week it has been one of the most stressful weeks in a long time. I have been unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted. All while I’m doing the things that I need to do for others. I had to truly ask myself is this stress and anger worth all this? And the answer was no. I honestly never thought my daughter and I would butt heads so much. I’m a very easy-going parent and I feel like maybe that can be the issue. In life, we all have to make decisions that are best for us. And I decide to protect my peace at all costs. We have found ways to compromise but in the end, it’s time for me to be selfish. I’m taking back my peace.