I went to church today feeling different. I didn’t want to worship, I half-listened to the sermon. I felt out of place. I feel angry, hurt, sad and just tired. What am I doing wrong? I’m tired of people asking me how I feel when to be honest I don’t know. I’m tired of having a smile that’s not genuine. I’m tired of people thinking I’m acting weird when I don’t know why I feel this way or why I’m going through what I’m going through. I get people care, but stop. I feel like I want to be alone with no one around me. I feel like God left me months ago and my prayers are not being heard and will never be answered. I feel like I’m drowning in my own misery. I try not to think about it and go on like I’m fine but I’m not. I HATE FEELING THIS WAY. I really do. I hate not really being able to communicate how I truly feel. I don’t need pity or sympathy. I need someone to care if I don’t know the right words. I need someone to care if they see tears running down my face. I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE. After church, I went up to a lady that I know giving her an update and she asked me why I didn’t go down for prayer. I told her without hesitation that whatever the outcome is I’m okay with it and I have made peace. She wasn’t buying that and took me down for prayer. Something came alive in me again as this lady prayed for me, but it felt like as soon as the prayer was over my heart harden again, because God hasn’t been answering my prayers so far why would he start now? It’s hard and I’m not okay. My tears and pain are real. I’m tired of the test I just want to know what’s wrong with me. I just want a job. I just want this sadness to go away. I just want people to really care about me. That’s all that I want.