My struggle:

I struggle to see what I can not find
I struggle to remember that place in time
I struggle to see my self-worth
I struggle to feel I am enough
My struggle is real far from not
My struggle is beauty whether I have it or not
My struggle is love do you love me or not
My struggle is connection is it real or not
My struggle is me from far within
My struggle is real where do I begin
My struggle with friendships are they true or not
My struggle for self-worth do I love me or not
My struggle with fear goes to deep
My struggle with pain is why I can’t sleep
My struggle for trust has a lot to be desired
My struggle is real and not admired

Loving me:

I’ve never considered myself as beautiful. I’m not a confident person when it comes to my looks and body. See I have been molested and physically abused. So to me, my self-worth was low. I’ve had to battle forgiving myself for what happened to me years ago. But something happened on my birthday that I can’t explain. I felt confident and beautiful in my skin. I’ve never felt sexy before but it’s like all the layers of me fell off that day. It’s like the little girl and woman that I am coming to realize I’m beautiful. Despite what others tried to take from me I have survived.
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you
I love you for your joys and pains
The strength you give
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you
You hide your pain no one can see
The love you give is beyond beauty
You give so much and get nothing in return
So many lessons all have been learned
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you
They may not see your beauty
And what you have to share
Your joy is endless and some are aware
Your love for other’s never goes unnoticed
I love her yes I do
I love her because I am you

It took me a while to look within and understand that no matter what was done they can’t take away my beauty. I’ve always heard that I was beautiful, pretty, etc but I never believed it. Until now my eyes are wide open and no matter what anyone may feel I’m beautiful. I will no longer accept my insecurities any longer.

Forgive me: Poem

It’s killing me inside that our connection not the same
It’s my fault I know I was to blame
It hurts when I see you you just don’t understand
One selfish moment and it’s not the same man
I felt I was doing what was right for me
Never did I see it from your eyes
I thought I could be free
Free from the pain that I was dealt
Not free from leaving you was the pain I was dealt
If I could go back and do it over again things would be different
The pain would still be there but at least you would know
I will hold you down for life no matter where I go
I always was there just one call away
It wasn’t the same and in time things felt hard in away
I know my choices didn’t make any sense
You were always important and in sense
I will always live with the pain that I put you through
If I could go back in time I would be with you
I should have thought of you not my pain
I know it’s true, I’ve said I’m sorry so many times
I can’t redo the past, but in time I hope you forgive me
for what I’ve done
My love has never wavered not even one time
You all mean so much to me
If I could go back in time I would still be here
The pain would be mine to bear but at least I have you
One day I hope you will forgive as I will try to forgive myself
You matter so much to me I hope you understand

Don’t leave me here:

Follow me here
Don’t leave me alone
My heart is on my sleeve
And I’m all alone
No love no shame
I have played all the games
No more tears no more lies
I’ve cried enough yet more tears fall
Follow me here
Love is all I have
Follow me here
Don’t leave me alone
Fear and sorrow but now it’s gone
Follow me here
Don’t leave me alone
Alone and now I’m gone

Why can’t we: Poem

How many times must you be afraid
The color of my skin is not a charade
Why am I a threat to you
God created us equal it’s true
We scream we want justice but it will soon come
On judgment day God will be the judge
People scream they are scared for there lives
Is my color a threat in your eyes
I’m tired of all the killings and pain
If you peel back my skin we are all the same
I pray for my husband and sons, I want you to live
I can’t go outside without someone feeling I’m a threat
My skin look should have no effect
I smile and all you can see is my skin color
Why can’t we live in peace we are all brothers and sisters my friend
I’m tired of shedding all these tears, no more pain, violence, and fear
Why can’t you see my skin color is not a threat
If you peel my skin back we are all the same
You can’t say you love me if we all stay the same

Free at last: Poem

I’m tired of dwelling on things from my past
They no longer matter I’m free at last
It took me so long to shake the pain from my past
But it’s good to say that I’m free at last
I often wondered what took me so long
But does it matter when all the hurt is gone
I can truly smile and say that I feel good
I’m free at last, no longer miss understood
No more hiding behind my fear and shame
No wondering if I will ever be the same
Took time to throw off that hurt and fear
I’m free at last and no more fear
It takes time and works no doubt about that
But to say I’m free at last is more than my past
I’m free, I’m free, I’m free at last

You loved me: Poem

I don’t know why it took so long
To get my act together, you could have been long gone
You loved me through the good and the bad
And all I did was make you sad
I can’t believe I treated you this way
All my past hurts I took out on you
And that’s not okay
All you did was love despite, I didn’t except it with all my might
Why would you love me when I was broken and mean
I had to let go of the past to know what it means
To release the pain, the hurt, and the grief
It took me to long to understand that what I needed was a relief
Your love rescued me from the pit of my despair
I needed your love to help me make it through my pain
You loved me regardless and never had any shame
We all hurt yes that’s true
But how many can love you through what you been through

Sometimes:

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my tears
So much pain in my heart so much life, so much fear
I pushed myself to new heights and new limits
You let me fall, no love, no commitment
How can I stand on these two feet alone
My faith in you was shot to the bone
Here I lay dying inside, my pain, my fear and now my pride
How could you not see the woman that I am
Is your life so important that you don’t give a damn
Here I lay in pain because of you
I gave to much love, my time it’s true
Can I start over and forget my past
You must deal with your pain is that too much to ask
Here I lay thinking things were right
My life you didn’t care about not only for one night
Now as I close my eyes to sleep, so much hurt and pain
I’m drowning in my anguish, resentment, and pain

Searching for something:

I feel like I’m searching for something
What I do not know
Just wondering what I mean to you
It’s like you just let go
My heart is full of stones
The love I don’t know if I possess
I’m doing the best I can
But it’s time to lay that to rest
I feel like I’m searching for something
What I do not know
How far and wide I’ve been searching
But sometimes are no more
Maybe it’s me searching alone
Searching for what is the unknown
I feel like I’m searching for something
This I truly know
Searching for what is the answer to the keys of unknown

A love poem:

I’m afraid of this love that I have for you
It feels like it just came out of the blue
You set my heart and soul on fire
Your love is only my one true desire
We were just friends then we turned into lovers
It felt like we had always known one another
My heart aches when you’re not around
My feelings are actions what more can I say
I show you how much I love you in every possible way
I’ve never felt like this before
A love so untrue what more could I hope for
What more could I ask
I finally have found true love at last