Relaxing:

I’ve been doing a lot when it comes to myself and others. So yesterday I made myself relax and take a break. It’s okay to go full speed ahead but it’s also good to take time out to relax as well. I’m not a big drinker but I love wine. My favorite wine is Moscato. I love it. I haven’t tried one that I didn’t like yet. When my oldest son was here in May he put me on to Stella Rosa black. And it was really good. I’m not a white or red wine drinker at all. I love fruity drinks. So the Stella Rosa Black wasn’t bad and I wanted to see what other kinds of Stella Rosa they had. So I ended up getting these two yesterday. One is Stella Rosa peach and the other is Stella Rosa Tropical Mango. I tried the peach yesterday and it wasn’t bad at all. I’m a mango lover so I can’t wait to try the mango. Are you a wine lover? If so what is your favorite brand or kind of wine?

Stronger:

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While on my journey to better me. I have enjoyed walking. I’ve been walking with my husband for the past two months or more. But I have started walking up and down my stairs of our apartment. And something about that pain and pleasure. Sounds weird right. But the more it burns walking up and down those stairs the more that I know how much I can take. I didn’t realize how strong I was until walking those stairs. No matter what I have been through or what I’m going through I will be okay because I’m stronger than I truly realize. What a crazy revelation walking some stairs. It’s the little things that are bringing me so much joy. I walk my stairs in the morning and then in the evening walk with my husband. Even though life isn’t what it use to be doesn’t mean that I have to be what I use to be either. Change is hard but it’s so necessary to. If you never do anything that brings you pain then you never know how strong you can be.

Yesterday:

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I did something yesterday that I thought I wouldn’t do for a long time. I called my dad. I felt like there were somethings that I needed to get off my chest. But I wasn’t able to because he had company. It was a weird conversation and I wish I was able to say what I needed to say. I forgave him but I don’t know how much I want to talk to him. People always make time for who they want to make time for. And it doesn’t seem like I’m on that list of making time for. Like I said on a journey to do better and be better. I’m wanting my life to be about people who care about me. I’m not saying that he doesn’t care about me but action speaks louder than words. I took my step and I’m okay with whatever comes next.

I love you: Poem

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I love you yes I do
I love you because I am you
Some tried to break you
But you didn’t give in
You’re full of life and love
So please don’t let it end
I love you yes I do
I love you because I am you
Your laugh your joy it brings me peace
You’re full of love and very deep
You didn’t see yourself as beautiful but now you do
I love you because I am you
Understand that you are one of a kind
Your love is an understatement one of a kind
Please don’t let no one still your joy
I love you yes I do
I love you because I am you

Weekend:

So how was your weekend? Mines was great. When I say that I enjoyed my weekend I really did. This was the first time I really smiled. I haven’t really smiled in a long time. My husband had me laughing and enjoying my weekend. We didn’t do anything special but when I tell you whole foods was a fun outing. So how was your weekend?

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Dreams:

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I know that we all have dreams. Some of us are living our dreams. Some have started working on there dreams and others like me don’t even know where to start. But one thing about me is that I’m a dreamer. I envision myself living out my dream. Okay let me take it back blogging was a dream now I’m doing it. It’s the other dreams that I have yet to know where to start. Well maybe I do know how to start but I’m just scared if I’m honest. One of my dreams is to become a published author. My other dreams are to review other published author’s books before they come out. I would love to help/read other rough drafts and be able to help them with there writings. My other dream is to buy a house one day. I wonder where my writing can take me? We all have dreams, what are your dreams? Are you living your dreams?

Letting go:

On my journey, I’ve had to make some hard decisions. But these decisions are what is best for me. 1. I can’t be everything that people need me to be. 2. If you ask for my advice and don’t take it, I’m okay. I can’t make you take my advice but whatever decision you make it’s on you. 3. If you think you know more than me okay. If your younger than me and feel like you have lived a life that you know more then I guess you do. 4. I’m not holding back. I’m going to say exactly how I feel for now on. You can tell me how you feel but I don’t think that I won’t anymore. 5. I’m not okay with not being enough. For now on I see myself as enough. Always and forever. 6. My happiness doesn’t depend on you. My happiness depends on me.
See I’m learning to let people do them because I’m going to do me. I can’t baby my kids anymore. I can’t be a friend to people who don’t want to be a friend to me. I can’t be a good communicator to my husband if he doesn’t listen. My chest was very heavy but not anymore. I cried and prayed too long for this pain to be removed. And it finally happened. I’m not going back to the pain and heaviness anymore. I refuse to be anything and anyone less than myself. My self-talk is different. My love for myself is different. I’m different. I’m on this journey to do better and be better every day.

Joy:

I’m learning what I enjoy and what brings me peace. I had to take the time to talk to myself and let me know to stop doing it all and trying to be all. I need to take care of myself and love me more. I read that you have to make your home a place of peace for yourself. I had always looked at my home as something that I had to always clean and people can come to visit. But I never thought of my home as a place of peace. I have truly let some hard things go in my life. And the weight that was keeping me down isn’t keeping me down anymore. Learning what brings me joy and incorporating that in my life daily is what I’m doing. It’s weird I love flowers but couldn’t take care of plants. I would always over water or to much sun. But I’ve become a plant mom now. I got another plant yesterday and something about taking care of something has brought me joy. My kids are grown and now I have my plants. I’m learning about the types of plants that I have and how to take care of them. So far so good. I’m learning what brings me peace. So far it’s walking, reading, writing, spending time with people, my plants, and God. I told my husband that this way my last plant for awhile. He doesn’t mind I think he’s just happy seeing me smile.

New journey:

I’m on this new journey of learning how to breathe, forgive and let things go. I’m not very good at forgiveness but this is much needed in my life. To many things are weighing me down. Life is to short to do the same things and get the same results. After last Sunday I need to find my joy and happiness. I have to move on in order to heal and let love truly in. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Get this off my chest:

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I’ve been going through it and I haven’t let anyone in. I’ve been hiding my feelings from everyone. Some of it has to do with my medicine that I’m taking for endometriosis and the some of it just from me. I’m not going lie I have been moody and not wanting to be bothered by anyone. Not like me at all, but it is one of the side effects from the medicine that I was on. I just felt so alone like all the things that were bothering me was just trapped inside of me and I wasn’t sure how to let anyone in. To be honest I didn’t know if I wanted to let anyone in. Then Sunday came and I was lying in bed listening to gospel music and the flood gates of my tears just opened. I can’t explain it, it was like all the pain that I had trapped in me just released. It felt so good, my chest stopped hurting and the crying felt so good. I felt like I had released so much pain. After I had my cry I feel asleep and when I woke up that morning it felt like I was free. Like I understood what I needed to do. I can’t keep holding stuff in and I can’t keep allowing people to hurt me. I can’t be okay with these things anymore. I’m important and I understand my worth. I wrote an email to my husband and other’s expressing how I was feeling and why. I know that some of you are like why didn’t you talk to them. I’m better at expressing myself on paper then I am at talking. And with talking people interrupt you. I needed to get some things off my chest without any interruptions. I needed to say what I had to say. I’m glad that I did it because it brought about better understanding and it brought about a much needed conversation. I’m not perfect but one thing about me that I truly lack is communication when it comes to my marriage and friendships. I HATE telling people how I truly feel because people don’t always understand or care. Well I can’t let that bother me anymore. I have to be me and tell my truth. It’s not to offend anyone because it will be said in love. I have so much to learn and so much to let go of and I’m trying. All I can do is take one day at a time and one step at a time.