When will we stop:

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It’s been hard trying to find the right words to say. It’s even harder to blog your feelings when your feelings are all over the place. It’s so much going on in the world right now. When will we stop seeing color and start seeing people as humans? God created us in his image and he loves us. But why don’t we love us? All of us? It doesn’t matter what your skin color is. Love is love and hate is hate. Both are taught actions. It hurts knowing that people don’t care about me but they see the color of my skin as something and someone who needs to die. It hurts when people of color have never been treated right. It hurts period when anyone of any color hurts. We have good and bad people of all colors. When will we stop killing and start loving one another? Life is way to short to keep doing the same thing and getting the same results.

About this weekend:

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I had the most amazing weekend. First my daughter’s graduation, then my mom, son, and future daughter-in-law surprised us this weekend. I haven’t seen them in a year. It was such a nice surprise. I needed to see them, it made my day. I’m so full of love and happiness right now. How was your weekend?

Class of 2020:

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Today is the day that I’ve been waiting for. Today my daughter graduates from high school. I couldn’t be more proud of her. As I’m sitting here writing this there are tears of joy, tears of sadness, and tears of accomplishment. You are the last child of mines to graduate, the last one to leave home. Words can’t describe what I’m feeling. But this is your day my sweet daughter. Take it all in and enjoy it. This is just the beginning. God has so much more for you. You have made me so proud of you. So as you walk across the stage today just know that you put in all the hard work and you deserve this moment. Class of 2020 I’m proud of you.

Why can’t we: Poem

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How many times must you be afraid
The color of my skin is not a charade
Why am I a threat to you
God created us equal it’s true
We scream we want justice but it will soon come
On judgment day God will be the judge
People scream they are scared for there lives
Is my color a threat in your eyes
I’m tired of all the killings and pain
If you peel back my skin we are all the same
I pray for my husband and sons, I want you to live
I can’t go outside without someone feeling I’m a threat
My skin look should have no effect
I smile and all you can see is my skin color
Why can’t we live in peace we are all brothers and sisters my friend
I’m tired of shedding all these tears, no more pain, violence, and fear
Why can’t you see my skin color is not a threat
If you peel my skin back we are all the same
You can’t say you love me if we all stay the same

You loved me: Poem

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I don’t know why it took so long
To get my act together, you could have been long gone
You loved me through the good and the bad
And all I did was make you sad
I can’t believe I treated you this way
All my past hurts I took out on you
And that’s not okay
All you did was love despite, I didn’t except it with all my might
Why would you love me when I was broken and mean
I had to let go of the past to know what it means
To release the pain, the hurt, and the grief
It took me to long to understand that what I needed was a relief
Your love rescued me from the pit of my despair
I needed your love to help me make it through my pain
You loved me regardless and never had any shame
We all hurt yes that’s true
But how many can love you through what you been through

Let love in: Poem

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I have finally learned to love completely
To see within to reach within me
No more closed hearts
No more hurt and pain
I’ve put love aside with nothing to gain
My heart was closed refused to be loved
But you reached within and showed true love
I’ve never made it easy
Because the pain that I bare
You never stopped loving me, I’m no longer aware of the pain I once had
Love conquers all no need to be sad
My heart is open to love once more
So much joy no pain that I should explore
My heart is open I’m letting love in
My heart is open it’s time to begin again

My two cents:

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I’ve noticed that so many people are so interested in places opening back up more than they are about growing. Are you different since the coronavirus happened or are you the same? Some people are still the same, they don’t care about anything but going to the bars, clubs and other places just because. If you can’t put anything on social media to make it look like your living your best life, then people will assume that your not. I’m living my best life growing. This is the time that we shouldn’t take anything or anyone for granted. We need to be prayed up and make sure we are bettering ourselves. Too many people are okay with staying the same no matter what. But why? At some point you have got to know that what you are doing isn’t making you any better. When do we take a look in the mirror and reflect on ourselves? I had to go out to the store today and I’m noticing people buying things that are not necessary. I can’t make people notice that you only have one life and living it the best you can is more important than buying beer and cigarettes. We have to do better to be better. This is just my two cents take it for what it is.

Thinking out loud:

Yesterday was harder than I imagined that it would be. She just returned books, laptops, and picked up a cap and gown. Just imagine what next Saturday is going to be like. But it got me to thinking what do I do now? All three of my children are grown. So now it’s hubby and me. But what do I do with myself? I’m used to running around with my daughter to events and stuff like that. Now I will have time on my hands. I’m like you will have more time to work on your book, you will have more time to relax. But is this all that I am? Is this what I’m meant to do after all the kids are gone? Do I have nothing left to give or offer? This next season of life is truly stressing me out. I know that I shouldn’t be that concerned about it but I am. I know there will be more time with the hubby and travel and stuff like that but I feel like I was created for more to do more. Just thinking out loud. Maybe I am thinking too much into it.

Happiness:

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Today’s a little tough for me because even though we are going through this coronavirus life is still happening. My daughter has to turn in all her stuff at school and pick up her cap and gown today. I’m an emotional wreck, to say the least. Next Saturday she get’s to walk for her graduation and then just like that I’m an empty nester. Where has the time gone? I’m overwhelmed with joy and sadness. I’m so proud of her so far she has gotten two scholarships and she’s getting two cords for graduation. I feel like I’m dizzy with happiness. And then it’s on to college or more like online college for the time being. But I’m so proud of her. She is in a new season of life and so am I. I have all types of emotions going through me but I know that she will do fine in the world and me well I have to find what I want in this second season of life. Anyone an empty nester? Any advice for me?

How is your self-talk:

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What does your self-talk sound like? I mean really? What do you say to yourself? I’m ugly, I’m not good enough, why does anyone want to be my friend? Well I hope not. My self-talk use to be horrible. I mean the things that I would say to myself is embarrassing and just not okay. My self-talk use to go something like this: your not good enough for him. Your not all that pretty and guys don’t like women who know more about sports then them. That’s pretty mild from what I use to say. Now my self-talk is more uplifting and positive now. Words have the power to make or break us. And more than anything our words to ourselves are more harmful then anyone else’s. We have got to uplift and speak life to ourselves. Yes things can be tough but your words can change the situation. Your words can encourage yourself as well as others. So please stop the negative self-talk and start speaking life over yourself.