Good Sunday morning everyone. I want to talk to you all about peace and joy. I had been going through some things for about 4 years now. And people would have thought that I had peace and joy but I didn’t. It’s so easy to fake and hide how you feel from other people. I’ve always been good at masking my feelings, but something had to give and quickly. I started going to counseling to deal with my feelings and what was going on. That helped me so much at the time. She gave me tools to help me and I’m at a place that I never thought that I would be at. I had to take some hard looks at my life and who was in my life. Was I okay with how things were going? Why did I put up with certain things? Just because we are friends and family doesn’t mean you can treat me a certain way. There were so many things that I had to figure out and it wouldn’t be overnight. But once you start putting in the work for yourself you start to see changes. And you can’t give up or give in either. You have to stick to your plan because you have to understand you are just as important as anyone else. I didn’t value myself or even love myself like I thought I did. I was so busy making sure others were okay and had what they needed from me, that I didn’t even give myself what I needed. Fast forward to now. When I smile it’s genuine. When I laugh it’s from the heart and sincere. When I tell you that I have worked so hard to get to where I am and I refuse to let anyone take that from me. My peace and joy took me a long time to find and I have found them. I’m still not done doing the work myself but the results so far are amazing. I have read so many blogs, Instagram posts, and Facebook posts about people wanting to make a change and how it’s hard. Yes, it’s going to be hard but you have to start somewhere if you want to change your life. No one is going to do the work for you. You have to commit to doing better for yourself. When will you put yourself first? When will you change? Listen if this is you start today. Start by journaling your feelings. Start by asking yourself the hard questions. Start by googling books that can help you with what you’re going through. Start by looking for a therapist if that’s what you need. But the main thing is to start somewhere. Don’t give up on yourself or put yourself to the side. You wouldn’t do that for anyone else so why would you do that to yourself? Peace and joy take time but when you find it you will know that it was worth putting in the work.
Today is so bittersweet for me. It’s my last day at work. The decision to leave wasn’t an easy one but a necessary one. When you are stressed out and your giving 150% but there are so many issues that get swept under the rug. Well it’s time to go. For some these issues may not be a big deal or even a deal breaker, but for me they were. Now is there a perfect company to work for no. But I loved working for this company. It’s an amazing company that cares about its employees but like I said some issues are to hard to overlook especially when it affects your job. So Im stepping out on faith because I don’t have another job yet. I know that what God has for me is for me. Have a great day everyone.
Learning to have more joy:
I have heard a lot about joy. And I have talked to people who said that joy is more important to them than happiness. And as I thought about what they said. I started to really wonder about joy. Happiness comes and goes but joy is something that is with you always. And as this year is about me and working on me I needed to truly understand the joy and who to have joy. I have been learning some important lessons about joy and just being a better me. I can say that happiness is not a problem. But joy, I’m learning to have it. And so far it’s a lesson. Joy doesn’t come easy it’s something that has to be practiced. And I’m on the road to having more joy in my life. So do you have joy? What have you done to get and keep it in your life?
Protecting my peace:
I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. Mines was good. But one thing that had me questioning myself was a comment that was made on thanksgiving. Let’s just say that the person who said it wanted to go somewhere else for Thanksgiving but decided to come to see me. I had a conversation with my husband about what was said the next day. It hurt me because this person is important to me, and I felt like I was important to them. So from that day on, I was like I’m going to protect my peace. I have had enough hurt to last me a lifetime, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. To allow people to hurt and say words that are not okay I will not allow that in my life anymore. I have let so many people just say and do what they will, but not anymore. I have been working on myself and going to counseling to help me heal and move on with my life. I won’t ever take the people who show up for me for granted. But in no way will I make an effort to be there for those who don’t feel like I’m important enough.
I’ve been going through a lot lately. I’m still on the job hunt, what happened to my son, and just trying to be okay with not being okay. I had a long good ugly cry. I just let it all out and I felt so much better. I can’t keep stressing over things. I just have to let some things go. I don’t want to always be full of stress. I have to let go and let God. I can only control what I can control. I can’t make people hire me and I can’t make people treat my children with respect. I have to just pray about it and leave it in God’s hands. I’m at peace though and that’s a good thing. It’s been a while since I have been at peace.
As we go into this three day weekend. I just want you to remember no matter what you’re going through. Always protect your peace. I use to let so many things and people get under my skin. But I have learned to protect what is so important to me. Your peace of mind is so important. Have a great weekend.
Am I wrong?:
Have you ever just wanted to enjoy somethings alone? Have you ever been made to feel guilty because you want to enjoy doing some things alone? I have shows or just want to listen to a podcast alone, but sometimes when I watch my shows my husband always wants to ask me about it or go back, etc. It bothers me a lot. I try to watch my shows when he is not around, but sometimes I can’t do that. Why does it frustrate me so much when I want to watch something in peace and I can’t get that peace. Am I wrong? I don’t mind him watching things with me but I do mind the questions and wanting to always have conversations about it. Maybe it’s me but maybe it’s not. We should all have moments of doing things alone right?
For me when I’m stressed or just want to be alone writing is my outlet. But now I have a new outlet and it’s called meditation. When I tell you the peace it brings me. I wish I had started this so much sooner. Sometimes it feels like my life is spiraling out of control but mediation gets me back to a place of peace that I love. I’m learning that I’m going to really have to let somethings and people go that are destroying my peace. That’s one thing in 2020 that people will not get anymore. Mediation is working wonders. Have a great Sunday.