Love is a wonderful thing to have when you have it from the right one. I must say that if you told me that the work my husband and I have put into our marriage and as individuals. That we would be a place that I never thought possible. I’m telling you that marriage is hard, it’s not for the weak at all. I have to say that we have come a long way and I enjoy all the work that we have put in and the results that we are getting in return. If you’re not growing in your marriage then what are you doing? I have noticed that so many people complain about what they want in marriage but never talk about it with their spouse. Or if they do talk about it with their spouse they feel like it’s supposed to happen overnight. Change can happen overnight but we must be patient. That is something that I had to learn the hard way. Change can and will happen but not when you want it to, but it will happen. The important thing to remember is that change will happen we just need to be patient. I have talked with many of felt like their marriage was over because they weren’t getting what they wanted from their spouse. But you have to understand that maybe your spouse isn’t getting what they need from you either. You have to talk about your wants and needs and really listen to each other. Some things can be more important than other things.

One thing that I have learned about being married for almost 11 years is this. 

1. I have someone who wants to do this marriage with me and isn’t giving up.
2. I have someone who works as hard as me to make sure that this marriage succeeds.
3. I have someone who encourages me and prays with and for me.
4. I have someone who asks me how I’m doing and want to make sure that I’m good.
5. I have someone who feels like having self-care time is important for our marriage.

We don’t do marriage just to say that we are married we take this seriously. I use to want to model my marriage after some friends but they are not us and they are no longer married. We put in time which is important for a lasting marriage. We talk about the things that are bothering us and how to improve our marriage. One thing that I have learned about being married from some friends is getting someone who really wants to be married and your marriage will be better. What I mean is that many women put pressure on men to have the wedding of their dreams but not the marriage of their dreams. Which are two different things. I got a man who was ready for marriage where I wasn’t so ready. My parents divorced when I was 7 and trust me when I say that it’s something that I never want to experience. But my fear went away when I have seen how much my husband was really wanting this with me. But more importantly, what I have learned from other couples is that you do your marriage your way not someone else’s way. Don’t have everyone in your marriage keep things to yourself. Don’t tell everyone your marriage problems if you’re not seeking advice and not a petty gossip session. Your marriage can and will be successful when you put in the work.

My husband is a man I have never known before. I mean he is patient with me, cares for me, and supports me. From the first time that I met my husband, he has made me feel safe. He has supported and encouraged my dreams. While also easing my fears. I’m used to cheating, lying, abuse and mistrust from other relationships. I haven’t experienced any of this with my husband. I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship when I met him. But one thing that I discovered is the fact that he is the opposite of anyone I have ever dated before. My husband is someone who not only talks the talk but walks the walk. He always wants to understand all things about me. He wants to make sure that I feel secure and loved. I never had anyone want to know my hopes and dreams. I never met anyone who wanted to be a part of my dreams and help make them come true. I’m lucky to have my best friend as my husband. He makes me laugh and wants to be his best wife. Marriage wasn’t on my to-do list. I didn’t want to deal with all the pain that comes from some of the marriages that I saw before. But what I had to realize is that not all marriages are the same. You have to make your marriage the best for you. My marriage isn’t perfect but I’m enjoying it and loving who I’m doing life with.

I can’t believe that on Saturday I will be married for 11 years. And this week I want to talk about my marriage journey. To be honest I never thought that we would make it this far. So when I met my husband I didn’t want to date anymore (well not for some years). It’s funny because when your not looking for someone that is when someone comes along. I was like really????? We became fast friends we spent so much time together that people started thinking that we were a couple. But as much as I was enjoying the friendship something that I have never experienced before happened. There was a serious connection with him. I mean a connection on a deeper level. Not a sexual connection because we were not having sex at that time. But we had a conversation like no other. The peace I found around him was crazy. I started, to think what, if……. But then I put that on the back burner because I thought about my most recent relationships and, I was nope nope nope, I’m good. But something about this man just kept drawing me in. We laughed all the time and talked about things that I didn’t even talk about with other men I was in a relationship with. I’m like this is different in a great way. He made me think about things that I hadn’t really given much thought to. We then went from friendship to relationship and that was amazing. I’m like I have never had a relationship like this before. When I tell you I felt like we had known each other for years. But even though things are all good with the relationship doesn’t mean it’s all good. Well, his mother didn’t like me. But if you have been with me from the beginning you know that she still doesn’t like me. But that became a thorn for our relationship and marriage. But come back tomorrow and I will tell you the rest of the story.

This year has been a huge up-and-down with my marriage. I feel like things are going well one minute and the next minute I’m like why am I in this. I thought last year was hard, but this year seems never ending. I honestly feel like I’m in a cycle of what now. I feel like I can’t do anything right and when I voice my opinion at times I don’t feel heard. I feel like I’m drowning. There have been times when I have felt like giving up. Like what is the point in all of this. I don’t quit and I know a lot of couples are feeling this way. But this funk feels never ending. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Where is the aha moment? When will it ever get better? I’m exhausted, to say the least. When will it get better. I know that I can only change myself but I feel like I’m sinking with no lifeline.