The marriage article:

I read an article that rubbed me the wrong way. It stated that people don’t care about marriage anymore they just like to attend the wedding. That people put more time and effort into the wedding then they do there marriage. Well, let me just say yes I agree with some parts but not all the article. Then the article goes on to say that after the honeymoon couples find themselves not really sure if they want to stay married? WHAT. Okay, I’m old fashion when I said I do I knew that my marriage wasn’t going to be all fun times. I know that we were going to have some rough moments but I was committed to my husband. We all marry someone flawed but if you put more time and effort into that one day then you’re missing the whole point of marriage and being one. So many people go into debt over that one day. It took me years to get married. I didn’t want to just marry anyone I wanted to marry the one. I was 33 when I got married and I’m glad that I waited because just marrying to get married wasn’t my goal. I see so many of my friends get married early and now are divorced and on there second and third marriage. I wish that the younger generation could truly understand the meaning of marriage and how it works. Yes, there are some marriages that people do need to get out of for different reasons and safety. I’m not talking about those marriages I’m talking about waking up one morning and saying you don’t love this person or maybe you made a mistake. Instead of blaming your spouse how about you look in the mirror and do some work on yourself. We are all flawed people. Marriage is not just for this one big day, marriage is for life. And we have to find ways to keep the spark, love, romance and the reason why we fell in love in the first place alive. It’s not about the things that make a marriage, it’s about commitment.

My marriage:

I’ve been married for 9 years, and I wish I would have had some advice about marriage before I got married. If I could go back in time and tell my newly engaged self anything it would be this. 

  1. It’s okay not to know what your doing everyone feels this way.
  2. It’s okay to be vulnerable with your husband he has your back
  3. Not everything is worthy of getting an attitude about
  4. Know that you are going to have rough times but the true test of your marriage is working it out.
  5. Just because his parents don’t like you doesn’t mean you need to take it out on him.
  6. You don’t have to be right about everything, winning is not always important.

As I have become more seasoned in my marriage I’m realizing that doing life with my husband is so much fun. I don’t need to win every argument. I don’t need to tell him what he is doing wrong all the time. I need to love and support him. I need him to know that when he comes home from work I am his comfort. I don’t always do things right in my marriage but I’m working at it. I felt like love would get me through my marriage, but now I understand it’s commitment. I’m committed to not giving up when it gets hard. I’m committed to doing my best daily. I’m still learning and growing, but I appreciate my marriage more today than ever.

A letter to my husband:

I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. I haven’t always been the easiest person to get along with, but you loved me anyway. I remember when we first met you were like a breath of fresh air. You got me and understood me. It was like you were waiting for me to love me. I needed you in my life at that time more than you know. You helped me heal and knock down walls that I thought would stay up forever. You are full of love, deep conversations, and laughs. Being silly and having fun was our thing and we still enjoy it. I know that I have hurt your feelings many times and I regret that. I have never wavered in my love for you. People don’t understand how we fit, but we do. Your quite and I’m talkative. I’m still glad that you choose me to be your wife. I’m glad that you are my protector, provider and my love. Thank you for your laughs, encouragement and being there for me. You are truly my best friend and my cuddle buddy. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you very much.

Put the phone down update:

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So let me give you an update regarding my put down the phone challenge. I haven’t been doing it for very long but let me tell you. I feel like I have been missing out on some truly beautiful moments with my husband. I didn’t realize how much of a distraction the phone could be. To truly cuddle, have uninterrupted conversations and just watch t.v. has been priceless. I’m going to make this part of my 2020 things that I do to make me and my marriage better. I don’t know if you have tried this or not but it will make your relationships more meaningful and purposeful. To truly give someone your undivided attention is rare these days. I’m going to bring it back.

Put the phone down:

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So something has been bothering me. I want to do better as a person and when it comes to my marriage. But one thing that I’ve noticed is that when we talk or are watching movies we both or I am on my phone. I don’t like that one bit, because I feel like I’m not giving my husband 100% of my time and attention. Well, that is about to change because as of today when we are spending time together the phone will be down and he will have my undivided attention. I miss the days were our phones weren’t a factor and spending uninterrupted time with people was so important. Well, I’m bringing that back. I’ll let you know how it goes. Who else put’s down the phone and have one on one conversations?

Friendships:

Friendships are so important to me. As I’m going through my journey I spoke with a good friend of mines about my situation. I told her that I’m struggling with being a wife. She was silent for a minute and then she asked me if I ever struggled with being a friend to my husband? I said no. Then she asked me if I struggled with being his girlfriend? I said no. And then she said so why is it so hard being his wife? I told her it’s the word wife, it holds so much power and I’m not sure if I can live up to that word. She told me it’s just a word, it doesn’t make or break you. Being yourself and doing what you are supposed to do is what matters. We put some much power in that word and we try to live up to it. I had to ponder that for a while because she was right. I’m trying to live up to the word and not being who my husband fell in love with.
I put to much time trying to be something that I have seen in others when I should have just been myself. I’m learning that me being me is being a wife. I’m following the bible and I’m submitting and doing all of that. But I took my eyes off of my marriage and was trying to live my marriage as I have seen in other marriages. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who is and has struggled in this area. I’m glad to be able to have these types of conversations with other women. I’m learning to understand that being me and making sure my marriage is the best was up to me. I’m very thankful for the friendships that I have because I have strong friendships with women who haven’t turned there back on me when times have gotten hard. I’m blessed to be able to lean on them and gleam from there wisdom. Rich friendships are hard to find. I’m learning to walk on my own path instead of someone else’s path. I’m on a journey to bettering myself.

Heart issue:

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Last year ended not very good for me. I felt like I wanted to end my marriage. I felt like separation was the best option. But something was tugging at my heart about why I wanted to leave my husband. I didn’t want to face the truth about my feelings so I placed the blame all on him when all of it wasn’t his fault. I felt like being away from him would make things better, but it wouldn’t because I hadn’t dealt with what I’m going through. Why was I so quick to throw in the towel of my marriage? My marriage wasn’t horrible, it was nice. Do we argue yes, but who doesn’t? My anger and feelings of rejection I took out on him. What others had done to me I took out on him. I left the pain that others had caused me to want to end my marriage. How stupid is that?????? Very if you ask me. I was mad at the wrong person and wanted to leave the wrong person because people had left me. How was that fair? I said some mean and horrible things to my husband in anger because of how others treated me. I’m very thankful to have a patient husband that doesn’t give up on me. I was ready to end 9 years of marriage because of what other people had done to me. I’m learning. I’m not perfect in marriage but I’m trying. I realize that would have been the worse decision that I could have ever made if I had gone through with it. The moral of this post is married couples please look deeper at what the real issue could be. Let’s stop divorcing over things that won’t matter two days from now. You’re not going to agree on everything, you’re not gonna like something the other person loves. But dig deeper into your heart and see what your true issue might be. I have a heart issue that I’m dealing with because I have let so many cause me pain. Don’t let your heart issue cost you your marriage.

Marriage: Part 2

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I love talking with people about marriage because I love to get their perspectives. I spoke with an older couple about marriage and her words just blew me away. One thing that she said was to make your marriage your own. No one knows how to be married when they get married. But they know what type of relationship they have with their spouse. You need to make your marriage all about you two and not what you have seen from your marriage or other couples. She said that communication is so important because your spouse can’t read your mind. You two need to go in the same direction and not in the opposite direction. You two must respect one another, don’t let any outside forces try to have an opinion or try to ruin your relationship. Always have time for yourself. It’s important to keep your marriage fresh and to learn something new about each other. But more importantly, keep your marriage between the two of you. Everyone is going to have an opinion about your marriage but you know the truth. She also told me every month her husband would buy her flowers and either write her letters, poems or buy her cards. Never forget why you fell in love, to begin with. Life is going to get hard, kids will come and go and things are going to happen. But the one thing to remember is your in this together.

Rebuilding my marriage:

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When it comes to rebuilding a marriage, I have always felt like the other person needed more work. But in reality, the person who needs the most work is me. Rebuilding starts with yourself and the changes that you want to make in your life. I have been open and honest in my marriage with my husband. My husband has been very patient with me when it comes to the communication aspect of it. I’m grateful for this season in my life with learning and growing. My marriage has always been important to me and I just didn’t know how to make it work. But what I failed to realize is that I should do marriage our way and not like I seen others do. It’s nice to reconnect with my husband and laugh, talk and just have fun. Life is full of changes and I’m learning and growing one day at a time.

Marriage: Part 1

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I want to start this conversation about marriage. I have talked to a few people about marriage and I would love to see what your thoughts are about a few of these marriages. I have a friend who is from the south and when we were talking about marriage she said that marriage is looked at different there. I was intrigued because I’m like how. She was like we are taught that whatever problems that you have you work it out and divorce is not an option. I’m like okay that makes sense, but in deeper conversation, I understood that multiple marriages are not allowed. If there is cheating, verbal abuse or anything like that you work it out. Now I don’t agree with this statement at all. But what I’m learning is that generations and how you were raised teach us a lot about marriage.