I must admit I haven’t been giving my all to my marriage. Why you might ask? Because I’m afraid that my marriage will fail. I’m so used to people cheating, physical abuse and verbal abuse. But my husband is different right? Yes but he’s still a man. I have had a rough time in my life with men. From my father on and sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn’t be loved or maybe I’m unloveable. It’s hard to explain but I’m realizing that I’m worth more than I think. So why not give my all to my marriage. If he fails me he fails me but at least I gave my all. I’m glad that I have this time to reflect on my life and make some much-needed changes. Life and marriage can be beautiful but you need to be all in. And I’m definitely all in.
I’m blessed to be a wife but what scares me is how to love. I mean I think I know how to love, but not really. I never had anyone to show me what love looked like toward a man. I’m a very affectionate person but as far as my heart goes well how do I know if I’m loving my husband the way he should be loved? I’ve had a lot of past hurts in my life so I have guarded my heart, but how do I know if I have opened up my heart enough to give him what he needs?
In this madness, I have seen that people become bold and rude. The one thing that I dislike the most about this situation is that people are taking lightly there marriages. I have read so many people talking about once this is over they are getting a divorce. But why???? I’m not understanding this. Maybe you had problems before and now this staying at home is just making you have to deal with it more. But one thing I read on someone’s post is that they love the money more than the man. Whoa, that is so disrespectful and why would you post something like this. Well, just a little background on this lady she is a stay at home mom and her husband makes great money. He travels a lot for his job and now that he’s not traveling she doesn’t like him being at home. Why even marry the man, to begin with??????? I don’t understand why people marry just so that they can say they’re married. This makes no sense to me. But in all truthfulness, if you are having problems in your marriage now is the time to talk about what is going on and try to work it out. No matter what the problem it will not get resolved if you don’t talk about it. I wish people would stop making jokes about once this is over then they are over. God didn’t create marriage to be taken lightly. Please be more respectful than this.
I made a list of what I wanted in a man, but never really thought much about it after I made the list. The funny thing is that when I met my husband he had pretty much everything that I wanted on my list. I used to be in long term relationships which were fine with me because the idea and thought of marriage scared me, to be honest. But one day we had that talk about marriage and I told him that I was gonna get married when I’m 80. He said 80 why? I was like so I can have someone to die with. But in reality, I didn’t want to argue and have all the drama that comes with marriage. The truth in the matter is I wasn’t sure how marriage was supposed to go. I didn’t see my parent’s marriage and the marriages that I did see well some of the couples were just not happy in their marriage. I didn’t want to be that person who’s married just to be married. I didn’t want to be that person who was stuck in an unhappy marriage and would stay this way until I died. I ask one lady why she was still in her marriage if she was so unhappy and she said that they didn’t believe in divorce. I was scared when my husband asked me to marry him. I knew what divorce looked like on the other side. I didn’t want that, but I also didn’t want to be without my husband. I step out on faith and said yes. We have been married 9 years now and to say it’s easy is an understatement. Marriage is like a full-time job. But I love it. I don’t always get it right. There are days when we argue that I do go to bed angry. But I’m learning and my husband is very patient with me. I don’t always get it right, but I know that I will.
Your relationship matters. I have seen and heard people complain and just look exhausted over there relationships. Marriage is like a full-time job sometimes. What you put in this relationship is what you are going to get out of the relationship. What type of effort do you put into your relationships? What you did to get this person are you still doing it? I have to confess I don’t. I have got so comfortable in my marriage that you do the same thing expecting a different result. I want my marriage to flourish but when my husband annoys me and gets on my nerves my conversation is not sweet. There are things that I need to work on to strengthen my marriage. But you can’t get lazy with your relationships and expect that things will get better. You have to put in some work. It may feel like your the only one who is putting in the work. That’s okay you keep going because your spouse will see a change in you and want to work harder on the relationship as well.
I read an article that rubbed me the wrong way. It stated that people don’t care about marriage anymore they just like to attend the wedding. That people put more time and effort into the wedding then they do there marriage. Well, let me just say yes I agree with some parts but not all the article. Then the article goes on to say that after the honeymoon couples find themselves not really sure if they want to stay married? WHAT. Okay, I’m old fashion when I said I do I knew that my marriage wasn’t going to be all fun times. I know that we were going to have some rough moments but I was committed to my husband. We all marry someone flawed but if you put more time and effort into that one day then you’re missing the whole point of marriage and being one. So many people go into debt over that one day. It took me years to get married. I didn’t want to just marry anyone I wanted to marry the one. I was 33 when I got married and I’m glad that I waited because just marrying to get married wasn’t my goal. I see so many of my friends get married early and now are divorced and on there second and third marriage. I wish that the younger generation could truly understand the meaning of marriage and how it works. Yes, there are some marriages that people do need to get out of for different reasons and safety. I’m not talking about those marriages I’m talking about waking up one morning and saying you don’t love this person or maybe you made a mistake. Instead of blaming your spouse how about you look in the mirror and do some work on yourself. We are all flawed people. Marriage is not just for this one big day, marriage is for life. And we have to find ways to keep the spark, love, romance and the reason why we fell in love in the first place alive. It’s not about the things that make a marriage, it’s about commitment.
I’ve been married for 9 years, and I wish I would have had some advice about marriage before I got married. If I could go back in time and tell my newly engaged self anything it would be this.
- It’s okay not to know what your doing everyone feels this way.
- It’s okay to be vulnerable with your husband he has your back
- Not everything is worthy of getting an attitude about
- Know that you are going to have rough times but the true test of your marriage is working it out.
- Just because his parents don’t like you doesn’t mean you need to take it out on him.
- You don’t have to be right about everything, winning is not always important.
As I have become more seasoned in my marriage I’m realizing that doing life with my husband is so much fun. I don’t need to win every argument. I don’t need to tell him what he is doing wrong all the time. I need to love and support him. I need him to know that when he comes home from work I am his comfort. I don’t always do things right in my marriage but I’m working at it. I felt like love would get me through my marriage, but now I understand it’s commitment. I’m committed to not giving up when it gets hard. I’m committed to doing my best daily. I’m still learning and growing, but I appreciate my marriage more today than ever.
I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. I haven’t always been the easiest person to get along with, but you loved me anyway. I remember when we first met you were like a breath of fresh air. You got me and understood me. It was like you were waiting for me to love me. I needed you in my life at that time more than you know. You helped me heal and knock down walls that I thought would stay up forever. You are full of love, deep conversations, and laughs. Being silly and having fun was our thing and we still enjoy it. I know that I have hurt your feelings many times and I regret that. I have never wavered in my love for you. People don’t understand how we fit, but we do. Your quite and I’m talkative. I’m still glad that you choose me to be your wife. I’m glad that you are my protector, provider and my love. Thank you for your laughs, encouragement and being there for me. You are truly my best friend and my cuddle buddy. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you very much.
So let me give you an update regarding my put down the phone challenge. I haven’t been doing it for very long but let me tell you. I feel like I have been missing out on some truly beautiful moments with my husband. I didn’t realize how much of a distraction the phone could be. To truly cuddle, have uninterrupted conversations and just watch t.v. has been priceless. I’m going to make this part of my 2020 things that I do to make me and my marriage better. I don’t know if you have tried this or not but it will make your relationships more meaningful and purposeful. To truly give someone your undivided attention is rare these days. I’m going to bring it back.
So something has been bothering me. I want to do better as a person and when it comes to my marriage. But one thing that I’ve noticed is that when we talk or are watching movies we both or I am on my phone. I don’t like that one bit, because I feel like I’m not giving my husband 100% of my time and attention. Well, that is about to change because as of today when we are spending time together the phone will be down and he will have my undivided attention. I miss the days were our phones weren’t a factor and spending uninterrupted time with people was so important. Well, I’m bringing that back. I’ll let you know how it goes. Who else put’s down the phone and have one on one conversations?