I believe it was two weeks ago I read a blog post that someone had written and it blew me away. This guy wrote about unrealistic expectations in his marriage. And the points that he made were amazing. But one of the main points that he made that stuck with me was that when you have high expectations there is no way that someone could reach these goals. I had to think if my expectations of my husband were too high? But he also pointed out that how often do you need these expectations met? How much or too little is enough? It had me thinking maybe I’m putting undue pressure on my husband. But the guy of the blog wrote that when his wife had no expectations of her husband how their marriage grew and how the things that she needed from him were meet more often. Okay, I’m like how is that possible because if he wasn’t doing it then what changes? So I made a challenge for myself to have no expectations of my husband and see how that will work. Well, let me tell you that since I’ve been doing this challenge how things have changed. And they have changed for the better. Since I have no expectations I’m not easily offended if something doesn’t get done. But the crazy part is that he is doing the things that I need and more. Why is that you ask? I’m not sure, to be honest. I told him about this last week and he was like really. I can’t explain it but if you don’t put pressure on yourself or your spouse it’s easier to relax and just enjoy one another. Crazy I know but it works.
This year has been a huge up-and-down with my marriage. I feel like things are going well one minute and the next minute I’m like why am I in this. I thought last year was hard, but this year seems never ending. I honestly feel like I’m in a cycle of what now. I feel like I can’t do anything right and when I voice my opinion at times I don’t feel heard. I feel like I’m drowning. There have been times when I have felt like giving up. Like what is the point in all of this. I don’t quit and I know a lot of couples are feeling this way. But this funk feels never ending. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Where is the aha moment? When will it ever get better? I’m exhausted, to say the least. When will it get better. I know that I can only change myself but I feel like I’m sinking with no lifeline.
One of the things that I wanted to change about myself is the words that I use. I wanted to change how I spoke to my husband. I know that words have value and there are times when he makes me mad our just irritates me that I don’t always use the best words. And to be honest it hurt me because why would I want to hurt him with words when I can uplift him with words. I have noticed that since I have been fasting that I have more patience with him and that I take the time to understand where he is coming from. My words are more loving and they show that I care. I make sure to uplift him and affirm him. But it hasn’t always been easy in doing this, but I had to decide to truly change how I speak to him. And I’m also showing him how the words that he speaks to himself are not true and kind. I may have days when I slip and say some mean things to him, but I’m not aware of how I talk to him and the words that I use with him.
My heart is so full and overflowing with love. My anniversary weekend has been so special and amazing. This has got to be my favorite and best anniversary. Thank you for all the love that was shown to me for our anniversary. Some of you know my story about my marriage. And getting to the place that I’m at today hasn’t been easy. But with God all things are possible. I’m learning that if you never go through anything hard you will never appreciate what you have. If everything has been easy maybe something isn’t right. I’m learning to enjoy each moment no matter how hard it is. I’m learning to love even when I don’t want to. I’m learning to say I’m sorry more. Marriage is a lot of work but it’s also teamwork. If you never let your spouse know how you feel or if there is a problem then you can’t expect things to get better. My love tank is overflowing with love right now. Even though we are in a pandemic this anniversary was awesome. I pray that my husband and I continue to grow and work on us.
Hey everyone I’m just letting you know that I’m going to take a few days off and enjoy my anniversary. See you soon. Do you know what today is, it’s my anniversary ❤💚☺
10 years ago my husband changed my last name. I can tell you that my wedding day was magical. The way my husband looked at me as I was walking down the aisle. I saw love and beauty written on his face. I saw my future with him and so much more. It hasn’t always been easy and we have overcome many obstacles. But one thing I can say is that we never gave up on one another. We may not be a perfect couple but we are perfect for one another. We may have not started off strong but we are stronger than ever. 10 years down and a lifetime to go. I thank God for this union and all the lessons that it has taught me. Happy Anniversary.
I’m not even gonna lie. Saying I Do is the easy part of marriage. The first 5 years of my marriage were hard. The day after my wedding my husband and I got into a huge argument over directions. So this is how our marriage would start. We were two different people trying to navigate life together. We were so stuck on the word husband and wife that we forgot to be friends. We had moments when we didn’t talk to one another. And there were many times during our marriage that I wanted to give up and just be done with it. I was tired of not getting it right. I heard people say that this is the honeymoon period. That never happened. It seemed like we were always arguing and not listening to one another. It felt like who could win this argument today. My husband grew up in a negative and hostile environment. So yelling was common growing up. So yelling is what he did a lot of. I was the opposite. We didn’t have yelling. We talked things out and listened to one another. But when you are two different people things don’t always work the way you think that they will. When we were friends and dating we never argued so this was new to us. It was a struggle every day to understand how we could do things better. But we got there. We were not perfect nor where we want to be but we are not where we use to be either. The next 4 years of marriage were trial and error. We didn’t want to get a divorce so we did counseling as a couple and individually. And there are times when things went great and not so great. So as we approach 10 years we have grown in ways that you can’t imagine. There are at times some yelling, but we have more sit down conversations. There are more love and respect for one another. When I look back on my marriage I’m glad I didn’t give up. I would have missed out on something beautiful.
Have you ever dreamed of how you would be proposed to? Have you ever dreamed about how you would want your wedding to be? Nope, not me lol. I’m serious why would I dream about that when I didn’t want it. Well as my husband and I became friends and then when became a couple. It was an amazing process to go from the in-between stage to now a couple. And it didn’t feel any different. We were still committed to being the best of friends. And as I get closer to my wedding anniversary one thing has crossed my mind. I want to be a better friend to my husband. I’m not saying that I’m not a good friend, but I can be a better friend. Friendship means the world to me. My husband is the type of friend that I had needed in my life for so long. You don’t know what you need until someone amazing comes along in your life. Married men and women please make sure that you remain friends with your spouse.
I met my husband at a time where I had given up on love. I didn’t believe in true love anymore. I thought that men were all the same. I felt down when it came to love. But being around my husband as a friend opened my eyes and heart. I had put a wall up around my heart and I didn’t want any man near it. I could care less about being in a relationship. Until I started getting these weird butterflies in my stomach when we were together. I would love being close to him and just hanging out. When we weren’t together I wanted to be with him. It was a weird feeling because I was starting to want more from him than just a friendship. The odd thing was he was feeling the same way as well. We called this stage in our relationship the in-between stage. Because we weren’t a couple but we were acting like it. The bricks around my heart started coming down. I was able to trust again because with him there were no games. He was a straight shooter. We stayed in this in-between stage until we were ready to be a couple. And trust me it was worth the wait.
So my wedding anniversary is this week and I want to talk about my journey with marriage this week. I told all my friends that I was going to get married when I was 80 only because I wanted someone to die with lol. I was serious too. I didn’t feel like marriage was for me. I come from a single mom who got divorced from my dad when I was seven. And trust me my mom was so bitter and negative about my dad. So why in the world would I want to be married? My dad cheated on my mom and I had plenty of that in my relationships so why in the world would I want to be married? And then I met my husband. We started out as friends. And let me tell you he was a true friend. Whenever I called he was always there. I don’t use the word friend loosely because not everyone is a friend to me. But it was like we had known each other for years. When I said that taught me how to trust and love again. He made a lot of my fears about relationships with the opposite sex go away. But I never looked at him as someone I wanted to date let alone marries. Silly me lol. See you tomorrow for the rest.