A few days:

Hey everyone I’m just letting you know that I’m going to take a few days off and enjoy my anniversary. See you soon. Do you know what today is, it’s my anniversary ❤💚☺

Let’s talk marriage:

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I’m not even gonna lie. Saying I Do is the easy part of marriage. The first 5 years of my marriage were hard. The day after my wedding my husband and I got into a huge argument over directions. So this is how our marriage would start. We were two different people trying to navigate life together. We were so stuck on the word husband and wife that we forgot to be friends. We had moments when we didn’t talk to one another. And there were many times during our marriage that I wanted to give up and just be done with it. I was tired of not getting it right. I heard people say that this is the honeymoon period. That never happened. It seemed like we were always arguing and not listening to one another. It felt like who could win this argument today. My husband grew up in a negative and hostile environment. So yelling was common growing up. So yelling is what he did a lot of. I was the opposite. We didn’t have yelling. We talked things out and listened to one another. But when you are two different people things don’t always work the way you think that they will. When we were friends and dating we never argued so this was new to us. It was a struggle every day to understand how we could do things better. But we got there. We were not perfect nor where we want to be but we are not where we use to be either. The next 4 years of marriage were trial and error. We didn’t want to get a divorce so we did counseling as a couple and individually. And there are times when things went great and not so great. So as we approach 10 years we have grown in ways that you can’t imagine. There are at times some yelling, but we have more sit down conversations. There are more love and respect for one another. When I look back on my marriage I’m glad I didn’t give up. I would have missed out on something beautiful.

Let’s talk about marriage:

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Have you ever dreamed of how you would be proposed to? Have you ever dreamed about how you would want your wedding to be? Nope, not me lol. I’m serious why would I dream about that when I didn’t want it. Well as my husband and I became friends and then when became a couple. It was an amazing process to go from the in-between stage to now a couple. And it didn’t feel any different. We were still committed to being the best of friends. And as I get closer to my wedding anniversary one thing has crossed my mind. I want to be a better friend to my husband. I’m not saying that I’m not a good friend, but I can be a better friend. Friendship means the world to me. My husband is the type of friend that I had needed in my life for so long. You don’t know what you need until someone amazing comes along in your life. Married men and women please make sure that you remain friends with your spouse.

Let’s talk marriage:

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I met my husband at a time where I had given up on love. I didn’t believe in true love anymore. I thought that men were all the same. I felt down when it came to love. But being around my husband as a friend opened my eyes and heart. I had put a wall up around my heart and I didn’t want any man near it. I could care less about being in a relationship. Until I started getting these weird butterflies in my stomach when we were together. I would love being close to him and just hanging out. When we weren’t together I wanted to be with him. It was a weird feeling because I was starting to want more from him than just a friendship. The odd thing was he was feeling the same way as well. We called this stage in our relationship the in-between stage. Because we weren’t a couple but we were acting like it. The bricks around my heart started coming down. I was able to trust again because with him there were no games. He was a straight shooter. We stayed in this in-between stage until we were ready to be a couple. And trust me it was worth the wait.

Marriage Journey:

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My marriage hasn’t been perfect. But I want to take you on this marriage journey. The day of my wedding was the most exciting, scary, and uncertain day for me. I’ve been to many weddings but I have never been married so watching other brides get pampered and loved on is nothing that I have never experienced myself. I woke up that morning just thinking what today was going to be like. I was daydreaming about how I wanted my day to go. But as you know things don’t always work out how we want them to. I got up took a shower and was greeted with breakfast. And after that, it was time to get this show on the road. After I got dressed and makeup was done then it was time for pictures. When I tell you it all felt like a dream. I’m the type of person who is always on time and I also care about time. Because I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. But I was late for my wedding. It wasn’t my fault though. I made sure before I left my husband the night before that he better not be late for his wedding lol. And I was the one late. But that day was more than I could imagine. Our wedding was super small and we were both okay with that. It was a day full of love and joy. And it made me realize that how can one day bring so much love and joy and then we lose that feeling? I wish someone would have told me not to be so wrapped up in the wedding but to prepare for the future. But that day was more special then I could imagine. I’m blessed to be able to have a marriage that isn’t perfect but always a work in progress.

Finding love:

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I’m reading this book and it is so enlightening for me personally. But there is this quote in the book that I want to share with you. ” Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control”. This quote hit me hard because this reminded me of how I felt and feel about my husband. When I really sit back and think about life I understand that when I met my husband was truly fate because I had just gotten out of a relationship that left me broken and not wanting to date or trust men ever again. This was crazy because we worked together on the same team but I didn’t notice him until one day when I looked up from my computer and was like who is this? He was just so different from anybody I had seen. He walked with confidence. We became friends and it felt like we had known each other all of our lives. But falling in love wasn’t in my sights but I did. And I fell hard for him. He was everything that I needed and wanted in my life. Sometimes we don’t really understand or look back to how we fell in love with our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. But to be honest when I look back things just all fell in place and it was the easiest and the best friends that I had had in a very long time. We both had dreams and we both wanted the best for one another. We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. We love to spend time with one another. Even if we are doing nothing we still have fun. I’m learning to have fun in love and truly listen to my spouse. Things are not always easy but I’m learning to do things better. My favorite time with my husband is pillow talk and cuddling. I’m learning to love without judging and to always be understanding of my spouse.

Letting go:

On my journey, I’ve had to make some hard decisions. But these decisions are what is best for me. 1. I can’t be everything that people need me to be. 2. If you ask for my advice and don’t take it, I’m okay. I can’t make you take my advice but whatever decision you make it’s on you. 3. If you think you know more than me okay. If your younger than me and feel like you have lived a life that you know more then I guess you do. 4. I’m not holding back. I’m going to say exactly how I feel for now on. You can tell me how you feel but I don’t think that I won’t anymore. 5. I’m not okay with not being enough. For now on I see myself as enough. Always and forever. 6. My happiness doesn’t depend on you. My happiness depends on me.
See I’m learning to let people do them because I’m going to do me. I can’t baby my kids anymore. I can’t be a friend to people who don’t want to be a friend to me. I can’t be a good communicator to my husband if he doesn’t listen. My chest was very heavy but not anymore. I cried and prayed too long for this pain to be removed. And it finally happened. I’m not going back to the pain and heaviness anymore. I refuse to be anything and anyone less than myself. My self-talk is different. My love for myself is different. I’m different. I’m on this journey to do better and be better every day.

It’s time to change:

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I have read so much negative stuff about protest and race relations. Listen I’m not a genius but it’s very simple to me. Treat people all the same. Don’t treat us based on skin color. We were all created equal and we need to be treated equally. Stop looking at color and look at the person. Stop looking at color and treat the crime the same. I get it to people of color who have been treated badly ever since we came to this country. But things have got to change. If God doesn’t see color then why should we? Right is right and wrong is wrong. And if you have hate in your heart for a certain race then there is something wrong with you. You don’t need to be on the police force. If all crimes were the same then that would be a start. STOP please this is mentally exhausting. No race is better than any other race. No person is better than anyone. LOVE can change things. Can we get back to LOVE?

When will we stop:

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It’s been hard trying to find the right words to say. It’s even harder to blog your feelings when your feelings are all over the place. It’s so much going on in the world right now. When will we stop seeing color and start seeing people as humans? God created us in his image and he loves us. But why don’t we love us? All of us? It doesn’t matter what your skin color is. Love is love and hate is hate. Both are taught actions. It hurts knowing that people don’t care about me but they see the color of my skin as something and someone who needs to die. It hurts when people of color have never been treated right. It hurts period when anyone of any color hurts. We have good and bad people of all colors. When will we stop killing and start loving one another? Life is way to short to keep doing the same thing and getting the same results.