As my daughter prepares to graduate in about a couple of months, it has me concerned. I want all young ladies to go into the world knowing that they are beautiful and loved. I see how some of these teen girls are dressing and I’m just wondering who are they trying to impress? I wonder if their mothers tell them there beautiful. I wonder if their mothers inspire them to be more than what they see on social media. I wonder if their dads say she’s my princess and not everyone is allowed to have her heart. I wonder if dad takes the time out to notice when something has changed. We need to uplift and empower our young girls. They are so much more and can be so much more if we let them know. You don’t need a bunch of makeup to look beautiful, you don’t need to show your assets to be sexy and you sure don’t need to have sex to be and feel loved. I wish someone would have taken the time out to tell me these things when I was younger. But now I have the opportunity to tell it to my daughter and other young girls. Own your type of beauty. Men tell your daughters they are beautiful and let them know that no matter what they are loved.
Trust doesn’t come easy for me. I’ve had to keep some pretty tough secrets, but what I have learned this week is that you have to trust someone. I kept having this dream for weeks and I couldn’t understand what it meant. I prayed about it and asked God to help me understand this dream. As I was working on my book I realized that what the dream meant was I have never felt protected. And this hurt, as a women you always want to feel protected but what does that truly mean when you have never been protected? I had text my husband and told him there was something that I wanted to talk to him about. When he got home, the flood gates of tears just came out because when you have wounds and secrets it’s hard to share your heart sometimes. But my husband listened and comforted me as I was telling him about my dream and how I have never felt protected by an man. I know that my husband will protect me this isn’t the issue the issue is that when I needed protecting no man was there to help me. I’m learning the scars that I felt like in my life that had healed, when they haven’t. I’m working on me one day at a time. I’m learning to trust and share what’s on my heart. It hasn’t been easy but it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me.
As the months are passing I feel myself getting sad. My baby girl will be graduating from high school soon. And I will be an empty nester, so many things are going through my mind. Did I talk to her about life enough, will we still hang out and have mother-daughter time, will she still call and text me. Have I guided her enough? All this is so overwhelming and I had to stop and really think to myself. You did a great job with her, she will always be there. Relax lady your daughter loves you and there are no worries. You have put love in her life. She knows that she can come to you about anything. She’s not leaving you she’s just in a new season. Relax mom you have instilled some great things in her life. It’s okay to be sad she’s your baby. But you have done this twice already and your sons are always calling, asking for advice and just checking on there mom right? So what’s makes this any different? Relax, it’s your time to watch what God has put in them come to life. You have done a great job mom. Now relax it’s okay to be amazing seeing your children blossom before your very eyes.
It amazes me how much people love Valentine’s Day. They call this the day of love. But to be honest, the day of love should be every day and not just one day. We should love our spouse daily. We need to show love and appreciation daily. Spending tons of money and buying gifts shouldn’t be a one-day occurrence. What about when she is sad? You can give her the gift of a hug. What about date night? Don’t let February 14th be the only day that you show love to your spouse. We need to be more attentive to one another.
I use to feel so unlovable. I have been in relationships where I have been physically, verbally and emotionally abused. I use to think that everything was my fault. No matter how much I loved this person or did for them it never got any better. But that’s because I never loved myself. I never knew at that time what it meant to truly love yourself until I had my first child. He taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and how not to let people treat you anyway. I still let people treat me any way, but I learned how to come out of my shell and protect myself and the ones that I loved. It was hard to talk about for the longest because I was so ashamed until I realized that I wasn’t the only one going through this. Now I know what unconditional love looks like and I will never take that for granted. I’m learning to value myself and love me more. I’ve always been ashamed to let people into my past but it’s my past for a reason. I’m still learning and growing.
I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. I haven’t always been the easiest person to get along with, but you loved me anyway. I remember when we first met you were like a breath of fresh air. You got me and understood me. It was like you were waiting for me to love me. I needed you in my life at that time more than you know. You helped me heal and knock down walls that I thought would stay up forever. You are full of love, deep conversations, and laughs. Being silly and having fun was our thing and we still enjoy it. I know that I have hurt your feelings many times and I regret that. I have never wavered in my love for you. People don’t understand how we fit, but we do. Your quite and I’m talkative. I’m still glad that you choose me to be your wife. I’m glad that you are my protector, provider and my love. Thank you for your laughs, encouragement and being there for me. You are truly my best friend and my cuddle buddy. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you very much.
Why does tragedy make us take time to think about life? Why does it take someone passing or sick to think about our lives and the ones that we love? It’s sad to say that I’ve been processing my life since the passing of Kobe Bryant and others. I’m on a journey of doing better and being better, but this took the wind out of me. Life is short and we take people for granted. We think that our loved ones will always be here, but sadly they won’t. I’ve had to step back and examine myself and how I go about things. I don’t take time and people for granted. I say I love you more and make more of an effort to be all there for them. My heart is truly different now and I don’t look at life the same anymore.
Yesterday was hard for me. I was down yesterday. I have to get more medicine for my cyst and I still don’t have a job. But it’s the little things that make me smile. My husband didn’t know that I was feeling down yesterday. But somehow he knew, he came home and said that I had a sack on the table. I didn’t think much of it and he was like your not going to see what’s in your sack on the table? So I got up and to go see what was in this sack on the table that he keeps talking about. My husband got me the most beautiful card and my favorite cranberry orange muffins. He knows that I love the little things and yesterday he made me feel special, loved and appreciated. I’m not saying that he never makes me feel this way, but yesterday I needed to feel it again. I’m truly blessed that my husband loves me enough to do anything to put a smile on my face.
Today everyone has heard the news regarding Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and the other passengers. Death is always painful and sad. But this could have been anyone’s dad and daughter. Husband and daughter. Son and granddaughter. The passing of these people that I have never met in my life put a lot of things into perspective. Life is short. Kobe is a year younger than me, and death doesn’t have an age limit. I want to hug my husband longer and tighter, I don’t want to argue about things that don’t matter. I want to hug my daughter tighter and tell her I love her more. I want my sons to know that I will always have there back. People life is way to short to not take your life and the life of others in perspective. Love people like you won’t see them tomorrow. Tell people what you want to tell them while you still have time. Give people their flowers while they are still alive. As I reflect on my time off this weekend I wish I could have said nicer things to my husband. Just because I didn’t feel good doesn’t mean I need to have an attitude. I’m learning and going to do better.
Love is patient love is kind. I’m trying to strive for this in my life. I’m learning that the older that I get the less patience that I have. I feel like I’m kind but I could be kinder. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t use age as an excuse for my impatience because I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. I don’t like being late, I don’t like waiting on other people and if you don’t get it done I will do it for you. WOW okay, I have issues. So this morning my daughter was saying that she needed to wash clothes because she was low. So I took it upon myself to wash some clothes for her this morning. And as I go into her room I decided to start cleaning it up. After pulling clothes that were on her floor in her closet I completely lost it. First of all, I should be taking care of myself, but I never do. Second of all, I have helped her clean her room so many times I can’t even count. And now I’m pissed because I feel like I’m being taken for granted. The only thing that I ask of my daughter is to keep her grades up ( which she does), clean her room and bathroom and help around the house. I don’t ask for much really, but she is grown now. Some may not think 18 is grown but to me your old enough where someone shouldn’t have to keep telling you the same thing over and over again. So I’m done. No more nice mom or as she calls me momma bear. Nice gloves are coming off and we are going to have a nice talk tonight. At some point, you have got to want to do better for yourself. I will help my children and any way possible but you have to help yourself first. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a girl or the last child but I give her to much slack. Not anymore. It’s time to grow up and do better. Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this???