On my journey, I’ve had to make some hard decisions. But these decisions are what is best for me. 1. I can’t be everything that people need me to be. 2. If you ask for my advice and don’t take it, I’m okay. I can’t make you take my advice but whatever decision you make it’s on you. 3. If you think you know more than me okay. If your younger than me and feel like you have lived a life that you know more then I guess you do. 4. I’m not holding back. I’m going to say exactly how I feel for now on. You can tell me how you feel but I don’t think that I won’t anymore. 5. I’m not okay with not being enough. For now on I see myself as enough. Always and forever. 6. My happiness doesn’t depend on you. My happiness depends on me. See I’m learning to let people do them because I’m going to do me. I can’t baby my kids anymore. I can’t be a friend to people who don’t want to be a friend to me. I can’t be a good communicator to my husband if he doesn’t listen. My chest was very heavy but not anymore. I cried and prayed too long for this pain to be removed. And it finally happened. I’m not going back to the pain and heaviness anymore. I refuse to be anything and anyone less than myself. My self-talk is different. My love for myself is different. I’m different. I’m on this journey to do better and be better every day.
I have read so much negative stuff about protest and race relations. Listen I’m not a genius but it’s very simple to me. Treat people all the same. Don’t treat us based on skin color. We were all created equal and we need to be treated equally. Stop looking at color and look at the person. Stop looking at color and treat the crime the same. I get it to people of color who have been treated badly ever since we came to this country. But things have got to change. If God doesn’t see color then why should we? Right is right and wrong is wrong. And if you have hate in your heart for a certain race then there is something wrong with you. You don’t need to be on the police force. If all crimes were the same then that would be a start. STOP please this is mentally exhausting. No race is better than any other race. No person is better than anyone. LOVE can change things. Can we get back to LOVE?
It’s been hard trying to find the right words to say. It’s even harder to blog your feelings when your feelings are all over the place. It’s so much going on in the world right now. When will we stop seeing color and start seeing people as humans? God created us in his image and he loves us. But why don’t we love us? All of us? It doesn’t matter what your skin color is. Love is love and hate is hate. Both are taught actions. It hurts knowing that people don’t care about me but they see the color of my skin as something and someone who needs to die. It hurts when people of color have never been treated right. It hurts period when anyone of any color hurts. We have good and bad people of all colors. When will we stop killing and start loving one another? Life is way to short to keep doing the same thing and getting the same results.
As 2020 is in full effect what I can’t understand is why we still have hate for one another. We hate someone’s color, we hate people’s hairstyles and we hate other people’s sexual orientation. So much hate in this world. We can cure hate with love. Have you ever stopped to talk to someone who is a different color than you? Have you ever talked with someone who is in a same sex marriage? Have you ever thought why do I hate this person? Why do I hate that they are not like me? Is hate taught? Are we all not lovable? It hurts my heart that people are hated for things like not being social, to thin, too fat, too tall, not light enough, don’t have enough money and other dumb things. I may not like certain things about people but what I won’t do is talk down about them and make them feel less than. We are all in this world trying to figure out life. We need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why do I hate people? Is it them or is something else going on within me? I pray that one day we will get over ourselves and start loving ourselves and love other people. So please stop the hate and start to love. Love over hate.
How many times must you be afraid The color of my skin is not a charade Why am I a threat to you God created us equal it’s true We scream we want justice but it will soon come On judgment day God will be the judge People scream they are scared for there lives Is my color a threat in your eyes I’m tired of all the killings and pain If you peel back my skin we are all the same I pray for my husband and sons, I want you to live I can’t go outside without someone feeling I’m a threat My skin look should have no effect I smile and all you can see is my skin color Why can’t we live in peace we are all brothers and sisters my friend I’m tired of shedding all these tears, no more pain, violence, and fear Why can’t you see my skin color is not a threat If you peel my skin back we are all the same You can’t say you love me if we all stay the same
I don’t know why it took so long To get my act together, you could have been long gone You loved me through the good and the bad And all I did was make you sad I can’t believe I treated you this way All my past hurts I took out on you And that’s not okay All you did was love despite, I didn’t except it with all my might Why would you love me when I was broken and mean I had to let go of the past to know what it means To release the pain, the hurt, and the grief It took me to long to understand that what I needed was a relief Your love rescued me from the pit of my despair I needed your love to help me make it through my pain You loved me regardless and never had any shame We all hurt yes that’s true But how many can love you through what you been through
I have finally learned to love completely To see within to reach within me No more closed hearts No more hurt and pain I’ve put love aside with nothing to gain My heart was closed refused to be loved But you reached within and showed true love I’ve never made it easy Because the pain that I bare You never stopped loving me, I’m no longer aware of the pain I once had Love conquers all no need to be sad My heart is open to love once more So much joy no pain that I should explore My heart is open I’m letting love in My heart is open it’s time to begin again
As my daughter prepares to graduate in about a couple of months, it has me concerned. I want all young ladies to go into the world knowing that they are beautiful and loved. I see how some of these teen girls are dressing and I’m just wondering who are they trying to impress? I wonder if their mothers tell them there beautiful. I wonder if their mothers inspire them to be more than what they see on social media. I wonder if their dads say she’s my princess and not everyone is allowed to have her heart. I wonder if dad takes the time out to notice when something has changed. We need to uplift and empower our young girls. They are so much more and can be so much more if we let them know. You don’t need a bunch of makeup to look beautiful, you don’t need to show your assets to be sexy and you sure don’t need to have sex to be and feel loved. I wish someone would have taken the time out to tell me these things when I was younger. But now I have the opportunity to tell it to my daughter and other young girls. Own your type of beauty. Men tell your daughters they are beautiful and let them know that no matter what they are loved.
Trust doesn’t come easy for me. I’ve had to keep some pretty tough secrets, but what I have learned this week is that you have to trust someone. I kept having this dream for weeks and I couldn’t understand what it meant. I prayed about it and asked God to help me understand this dream. As I was working on my book I realized that what the dream meant was I have never felt protected. And this hurt, as a women you always want to feel protected but what does that truly mean when you have never been protected? I had text my husband and told him there was something that I wanted to talk to him about. When he got home, the flood gates of tears just came out because when you have wounds and secrets it’s hard to share your heart sometimes. But my husband listened and comforted me as I was telling him about my dream and how I have never felt protected by an man. I know that my husband will protect me this isn’t the issue the issue is that when I needed protecting no man was there to help me. I’m learning the scars that I felt like in my life that had healed, when they haven’t. I’m working on me one day at a time. I’m learning to trust and share what’s on my heart. It hasn’t been easy but it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me.