As I’ve been working on myself there is one thing that I’ve always wanted to try. I’ve heard people talk about meditation. I’ve tried it like for a couple of days but was to busy to continue. And the more I have read about it and all the benefits that it has. Well, I’m going to try it and stick with it. Since I left work I feel a lot calmer, happier and all-around relaxed. I’m doing more around the house and loving it. Usually, I would complain about all there is to do around the house but right now I enjoy it. Something about being able to breathe again just feels good. So I’m going to start meditating and see how it helps me be a better me. Does anyone meditate? Any tips?
We all have dreams. Some of our dreams have probably come true. But what if you have a dream where you just don’t know if it will even happen? Well, my dream is to become a successful blogger and author. I’m not only talking about success as in money but as in helping people. Yes, I would like to pay my bills but I place helping people at a much higher value. No, I’m not writing self-help books. I’m writing about real life and what it’s like dealing with real life. Were always quick to help but we never really give much thought to how we got there. I would like to write all day and read. Yes, it may sound lame but it’s the truth. Right now I’m unemployed so I have more time to work on my books but to be honest I’ve been searching for work more than writing. I know one day that I will publish a book and get to at least a thousand followers on my blog but until then I will continue to put in the hard work and dedication. What are your dreams?
Change, this word has been a hard one for me. We all need to change, but change is hard and has been hard for me. I have always felt like I needed to change for others. But in all honesty, I need to change for myself. This weekend has been one of the best weekends that I’ve had in a while. I love the conversations that my husband and I had this weekend. Yes, we conversate but something about this weekend’s conversation was eye-opening. I loved the fact that I was affirmed when I felt weak. I love that we just laughed and had such a great time. My change has to come because I feel like I can be very judgmental and nonunderstanding. I have felt like people didn’t care about me and what I needed and wanted. Which was not the case at all. See as I keep saying I’m a surface talker and I don’t like to go deep. But deep is where I need to go, because deep is where I’m growing. I had to take a hard look at myself and say either you’re going to change to better yourself or you are going to stay the same and keep going through your storms. I create a lot of my storms because I feel like I don’t want to let people know what’s going on with me. But why? If I’m close to people what am I worried about? Maybe the fact that they don’t want to hear what I have to say. Maybe they will just brush me off. Maybe I’m just scared of honesty. Maybe I’m scared that people will care and be understanding. But one thing is for sure. Change is good. And I’m all about it. I know what I want and I’m going to change my attitude, my outlook on life and the way I conversate with people. I’m changing to grow and let go of this unwanted fear that I have. Are you ready to change? How are you changing?
I’m learning to create my happiness. And today has been an amazing day so far. I’m learning that not everything needs to be done right away and not everything has to be a rush. Just laying in bed and enjoying the extra time doing nothing. Laying next to my husband and enjoying our pillow talk. Not caring about time and just enjoying my time with the people around me. That’s what my day is all about today just enjoying my time and creating my happiness. I’m loving the idea of just seeing how not being on a schedule or meeting the demands of others will help me slow down and enjoy this life more. How do you create your happiness?
I’m learning that a lot of things that I’m feeling have to do with my past. It’s a DIS-EASE that I must cure myself of. I have to let go of the past but how? Well, I need to forgive myself for the things that have happened in my past. I have to forgive others for what they did to me. I’m not a victim anymore. I want to be in a more peaceful place in life. I want to love and be loved genuinely. I want to walk with my head held high. I know that there is more to life than being mad about what has happened to me. 2019 has been a lot of ups and downs. But I’m determined to be better no matter what. I’m working on my healing and growing. Life is full of lessons and I’m a student who will learn from these lessons.
This year things have been hard and exciting. But one thing that I want to get back right is my marriage. I feel like I have lost that loving feeling. Meaning that I’m just going through the motions. I have said this before that I don’t know how to be a wife. That shouldn’t be an excuse right? Well, trust me it’s not. I’m a good friend and I have my husband back, but being a wife. Well to me what does that mean? Well, I’m about to find out. And not only that but I want to bring back the feelings that I once had for him. How am I going to do that? Well, I’m going back to the beginning and how we got together and what made me fall for him. I know that I can do it. So I’m ready to do this. I don’t have all the answers but I’m going to figure it out to have the best marriage ever.
As I look back on this year one thing is true. I didn’t give my all this year. I made a lot of excuses and I failed in a lot of areas. One thing is for sure I keep doing the same thing expecting to get different results. Why is that? Well, I can tell you that from now into 2020 things are about to change with me. I’ve noticed that I give a lot of time and attention to people and things that I shouldn’t. I’m tired of being the friend who reaches out and checks on you while you don’t do the same for me. I’m tired of listening to your problems when you are not there for me when I have problems. I’m not going to ignore this drive that I have to be a better me. I’m not putting me last anymore so that I can make time for people who don’t do the same for me. I’m taking me back. I’m loving me more, having time to myself more. I’m going to write those books that I’ve been putting off. I’m going to go where God leads me. I’m going to say no a lot more from now on. Don’t get me wrong my circle is super small now. I know who will be there for me no matter what. The older that I get the more I notice how people will change. Change is not a bad thing trust me, we are here for people for a season. And maybe your season is up. I’m done neglecting myself to help someone else. I’ve never been a selfish person but I do need to be to save my peace. I’m taking me back and I’m going to be the best version of myself as possible.
I feel broken like shattered glass. They say hurt people hurt people and that is true. My hurt led me to hurt someone that I care a lot about. I felt like since you couldn’t be what I needed you to be at that moment, then I wasn’t going to do the be same for you. Childish right? Very but at the time I wasn’t thinking about the other person’s feelings. I was only thinking about my feelings and the hurt that they caused me. But then the drama started and I could see how hurt you were but my pride wouldn’t let me say sorry. I’m simple and don’t ask for much. But sometimes you need to feel like someone has your back 100%. You need to feel like you are heard as well. But I’m learning how to do things differently. Just because your hurt doesn’t mean you have to do it in return. I’m trying to pick up the pieces that have been shattered. It’s hard to trust when you feel like no one cares. They care just in there own way. I’m learning how to handle situations better. I’m not where I want to be but I will get there. Life is a learning lesson and I’m learning.
It’s sad when people have to wrap themselves up in one person. I can’t be everything to everybody. When you don’t have anyone else to turn to but me, it makes it hard. You want me to do what others didn’t do in the past. You expect me to make you something that I’m not sure even you want to really be. It’s always been a battle. I’m always supporting, encouraging and doing, but it never seems to be enough. I’ve given you gifts to let you know I care? When was the last time you gave me one? I’m here for you to talk to and listen. But you can’t do that in return for me because you always want to give me your advice. At some point you should know what it takes to be a friend and more. Maybe you really don’t want to get it or your just to selfish and you want everyone to feel bad for you. At the end of the day you should enjoy life no matter what, because I am. I can’t make you who you want to be, I’m working on me. When you have someone you come last not first all the time. Just ranting needed to get somethings off my chest.
We are so caught up in the holidays. The joy of family, friends, and shopping. But sometimes we get caught up in the reason of the season. Thanksgiving comes and instead of spending all day and night with family and friends we run to the mall or other places to shop. But why? It’s not fair that other people can’t spend time with their families because we have to run to the store to spend money. Why has that happened? It’s not fair for others. People spend all day and night just to buy things that they don’t need. We are so caught spending money than on spending time. What is wrong with this picture? Why have things changed so much? When will we get back to the true reason for the season? Have we lost the importance of spending time? You can’t get time back. You can always spend money to buy more things that you don’t need. It’s time to re-evaluate our priorities.