Happy Friday:

Happy Friday everyone. My blog post this week has been heavy so I wanted to start the weekend with something light. So Monday I went and got my hair done. I love trying out new styles on my hair. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

This is hard: Please read

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I’m not going to say that I’m the best parent in the world because I’m not. Truly understanding your child can be difficult when you are trying to parent and protect. My heart broke yesterday talking to my daughter and trying to understand where she is coming from. Mental health is so important in children as well. As you have read before my daughter graduated from high school in 2020. And let’s just say that the traditional graduation ceremony didn’t happen. I had started seeing a change in her then but I just thought that she was upset about not going the traditional route. Then on top of that people that she thought would celebrate with her didn’t even acknowledge her or her achievements. This broke my heart. We talked about it and I thought things were fine. Remember we are all trying to navigate this pandemic at the time. But her mood shifted and she started going out more, not being home when off work. Then college started and her college was doing online school. This was going great until around November when things with school became less important. I was riding her hard about not doing school work but she was more concerned with work and hanging out with friends. Remember there is a pandemic going on. My daughter is at high risk because she has asthma. I’m fussing at her about being gone all the time and how people are dying from COVID and it felt like the conversation was going on deaf ears. I knew her mood had shifted to something that I didn’t like. We got into it quite a bit and we even stopped talking to one another. What is going on with this girl? I don’t understand her mood and what she is going through. But the part that hurts the most is she was acting out in pain. Parents your children are going through things and they need you. Not to judge or get on them. But to help them work through this process. We are all struggling from this pandemic but I didn’t pay enough attention to my daughter’s cry for help. I’m listening now. This pains me to write but I don’t want other parents to go through what I have been through. Yes, my motto this year is to work on myself, but right now I have to put myself on the back burner and have these honest talks with my daughter. I didn’t know how much she was struggling. I thought it was all her friends, but it’s not. We are taking steps to get things right. There has always been this stigma about black people seeking counseling well if it’s going to help my daughter then that is what is going to happen. Parents please pay attention to your children and listen to them. They are struggling through this pandemic as much as we are. I’m sorry if I have shared too much but this is what I do on my blog.

Trying to understand:

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Why is it that when things are going good, they are really good. But when things are going bad they become really bad. Sometimes I want weeks upon weeks of nothing but good, but it’s always possible. Especially when you are dealing with other people. I love my daughter dearly but these past few days have me wondering where is the disconnect. I’m so tired of these newfound friends and all the drama that entails. Last night was pretty much the last straw for me. I don’t understand a person who doesn’t consider other people. Each child you have to deal with something different, but I’m trying to understand where the disconnect happens. Communication seems to be very lack and all the problems add up. As much as I want my children to understand the advice and wisdom that I give them, I also understand that they will listen to who they want to listen to. But Lord help me with this child because somewhere something has to give. I pray daily for her but at some point, I have to let her make mistakes and learn lessons that I wish she didn’t have to learn. As a mom, you want the best for your kids but sometimes you have to let life happen to them. Maybe this is a phase that will come and go I’m not sure, but I am concerned.

My struggle:

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We all deal with struggles, but some struggles can affect our lives. One of my struggles is I’m a product of divorce. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old. They say that divorce is hard for the parents, but it’s also hard for the kids. My mom was hurt and very bitter regarding her divorce. I heard about her dislike for my dad often and it made me never want to get married. While my dad just went on with his life and got married again. But what I didn’t realize is how much it affected me. As I got older I dealt with men who cheated on me and it triggered something in me from my past. My dad cheated on my mom and got another woman pregnant and it crushed my mom. And I felt like I was going down the same path that my mom had gone down but I wasn’t married. But I had to realize that I wasn’t my mom and that I had to move on. When I got married I was so excited but in the back of my mind, I always felt like what if I get divorced? This question has always been a pain on my side. My husband hasn’t cheated on me and he told me that he wasn’t going anywhere. I’m either going to trust him or I will always be plagued with this annoying question. But one thing that I do realize being married for 10 years is that you have to have two people who are committed to one another. If one person is half in and the other is all in then it just might not work. Another thing is that you can’t compare your life with someone else’s life. This has been my struggle for many years, but I have learned to let it go. I can’t keep dwelling on this question. They say that love conquers all but I believe two people who truly want this to work conquers all.

Changes:

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Spring forward. Well, I’m glad to have more sunlight in the evenings now. The time change has got me thinking, when do things change in our lives? I know that I have made some changes that I feel have benefited me, but why does it take so long to make the necessary changes? Season’s change and time change but do we change? Change is hard to come by. But I noticed that the more that I change the better my life gets. But why does it take so long? I’m stubborn and I don’t want to change all the time. Sometimes I feel like I don’t need to change and other people should. But when I think about it the more I change the more people around me either change or show their true colors. Change is necessary for growth. But just like the seasons and time we need to change as well.

What is normal anymore?:

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So what is normal anymore? Will we ever go back to the way things used to be? I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee and thinking about how things used to be. I remember there was a time I could call up some friends and say let’s do lunch. Hang out with the hubby all day just out and about. I remember having a girl’s day with my daughter. So what is the new normal? I have more anxiety now than back when normal was normal. But now that things are opened up what does normal look like? Most date nights are at home, but should we venture out and have a date night? Is it worth going to the mall? What about hanging out with friends? How is the normal going to work? What if you haven’t gotten the shot and some have? Can you get together then? What about going to church is that even safe? Where do we even begin to navigate a new normal? I know so many companies that still have their employees working from home. Could this be the new normal? Could business that closed return again? What happens when the mutations of the virus are worse? Then what? You see I have so many questions but no answers. What is the new normal? Will we even have a new normal? Maybe the new normal is what you create.

Anxiety-let’s talk:

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I’m not going to lie last year was hard. How do you go from seeing people and working to nothing? I miss hugging people because I’m a big hugger. I miss having lunch with my friends. I miss going to work. I haven’t worked since last year. I miss just hanging out with my husband at our normal hangouts. But now that Texas has opened up it doesn’t feel right anymore. I don’t know what is wrong with me I just feel okay not hanging out with my friends. I want to but I have so much anxiety about it. I have anxiety just going into a grocery store. My anxiety has gotten the best of me I’m not going to lie. But how do I calm my nerves? Even though we have a vaccine out my anxiety is still on 1000%. So am I the only one with this feeling? Let me know your thoughts.

Let’s see how this goes:

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So Texas has been open for a couple of days now. And at first, I was a little scared to see what would happen. But when I went to the store people were still wearing their masks. I have seen on the news that people were going out to eat and still were wearing their masks. Some are happy that they no longer need to wear one. But Texas is at the bottom of the list when it comes to getting people vaccinated. And it was way too early to open this state up. I just pray that we don’t have a setback anytime soon. My fear is other people coming to this state and things go to hell. But that won’t be my problem, right? Well, let’s see how this will continue to go.

I see you:

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As a woman, I have noticed that we don’t support each other enough. We don’t encourage or congratulate each other enough. Women get a hard rap. We are wives, sisters, mothers, aunts, daughters, and friends. We wear so many different hats it’s crazy. But I have noticed that women compete with each other? Why sis are you competing with another woman? There is room for all of us. How about we uplift and support one another. Fix each other’s crown. We as women deal with enough to be in competition with someone else. We have so many jobs and we get tired but we keep ongoing. I don’t think men realize how much we do and how much we give. We not only work outside of the home but in the home as well. We don’t get a break and we don’t ask for help. Ladies take some time out for yourself and if you see another woman struggling help her. If you see someone who looks sad encourage her. We as women need a support system we need a sisterhood. Women you are powerful, creative, and much needed in this world.

It’s that time again:

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As some of you know I dealt with some health issues earlier last year. And no they were not COVID related. One of the issues I had was with my breast. So I had to have a mammogram earlier than I usually get it. Come to find out I had two cysts on both breasts and I had a bunch of fatty tissue that was causing my pain. My oncologist suggested the Evening Primose Oil for my fatty tissue and it helped. My cyst eventually went away. But women I know with what is going on right now it’s still important to get our mammograms ( If you over 40 or have a history of breast cancer either in the family or with yourself). I have a family history of breast cancer and I’m in my early 40’s so I must get this done yearly. I’m headed to get my mammogram this morning. Ladies, please don’t neglect your health your so important. Take the time to schedule your necessary appointments.