I have been known for holding on to things that I should let go of. Meaning people, things, and well anything that doesn’t bring me peace. And lately, I have been doing just that. I have been cleaning out my friends list on social media, limiting who I talk to, and also really taking in what people do and say. This year is going to be about growth but also being intentional. I have let so many things slide in my life. I have tolerated people and things that have brought me no purpose. It’s time to let go and walk away from what doesn’t bring me peace. It’s amazing how many times I have told others to do this but I have been slow to get on this train. Not anymore. When you know better it’s time to do better. So what things in your life do you need to let go of? What things do you need to leave in the past?
Hey sis I see you. Don’t stop smiling, loving and laughing. You are strong and beautiful. Don’t let society tell you you’re worth. You are awesome and amazing. Shine sis shine. Keep your head and glow. Show the world the best you possible. I see you sis.
This is a new season and I feel myself changing. Besides my allergies acting up I have seen some growth in me. And others have mentioned how much I have changed (in a good way). And to be honest I didn’t know what they were talking about until a conversation popped up and my husband mentioned to me that I don’t become angry when talking about his parents anymore. If you don’t know the story well let’s just say his parents and I don’t get along. Well, it’s mostly his mom that I don’t get along with. She has done somethings and said somethings to try to ruin my marriage. She has always been a thorn in my side, but I didn’t even realize that when he was mentioning them. It just felt like a normal conversation about other people. I’m so proud of myself because we could never just have a conversation about them without me blowing up. But I’m at peace where we are so this is a huge milestone for me. And also when talking about my kid’s dad I don’t get angry and blow up anymore. I have moved on and I’m truly at peace with where our relationships are ( which means we don’t have one). I felt like I would always have to deal with my anger when it came to these two. But now hearing their names or even talking about them in conversations doesn’t bother me anymore. The growth I have come a long way. I’m proud of myself for maturing into the woman that I want to be. Trust me this process was not easy and it didn’t happen overnight. As I always say life is a journey.
I can’t believe that starting a new chapter would be so hard. It seems like the devil has been attacking me so hard. I felt like releasing baggage and letting people go would be so easy and simple but it hasn’t been. I got a bomb dropped on me yesterday from someone I’m super close to. I’m hurt and wondering where our relationship will go from here. I don’t understand why so much has been happening to me. I felt like releasing the bad energy and putting positive energy out would be great but it hasn’t been. I know that I will be okay but man when will I start having a much-needed break. I’m truly continuing to work on me and love me despite what is going on around me.
How I’m doing:
I know some of you are wondering how I’m doing, well, to be honest, I’m doing great. I know that this year has just started and you know that I have been dealing with a lot. But the key to me doing great is that I’m taking it one day at a time. One step at a time. I’m not trying to rush anything. One thing that I realized about myself is that past issues have caused me a lot of pain that I wasn’t willing to deal with, but now I am. The fact that I don’t have a job right now has allowed me to take time to work on me and heal wounds. But I’m looking for a job because doesn’t grow on trees. I’m learning to have patience with myself as well as others. I feel like my tiny steps are helping me grow and do things a lot better. I’m a work in progress and I will get there.
My growth every day is amazing. I love taking the time to grow. I’m responsible for me and my joy and happiness are about me and no one else. This season in my life I’m loving me and how I’m taking the time out for me. It’s my growing season.
I’m learning that a lot of things that I’m feeling have to do with my past. It’s a DIS-EASE that I must cure myself of. I have to let go of the past but how? Well, I need to forgive myself for the things that have happened in my past. I have to forgive others for what they did to me. I’m not a victim anymore. I want to be in a more peaceful place in life. I want to love and be loved genuinely. I want to walk with my head held high. I know that there is more to life than being mad about what has happened to me. 2019 has been a lot of ups and downs. But I’m determined to be better no matter what. I’m working on my healing and growing. Life is full of lessons and I’m a student who will learn from these lessons.
Thankful: Day 19
I’m thankful for the good and the bad days that I have. I know that we all have good and bad days but I don’t think that we appreciate them as we should. The bad days knock us down hard and we complain and even get mad. But if you always had good days you wouldn’t grow. Bad days are lessons for us to learn from. We’re not going to be right all the time. We’re not going to be happy all the time. The bad days make us stronger. I’m thankful for the good as well as the bad.
Betrayal can come in all types of forms. It can be a betrayal of a friend, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend or employer. I’ve never felt more hurt then I did with the company that I use to work for. How could I have put my trust in them, just to be betrayed? I worked for this company for almost two years and I felt like people where genuine, but it all changed when my co-worker got fired. It felt like certain people changed toward me. All along I felt like they understood me and cared for me. But in reality, they didn’t. As soon as I put in my two weeks’ notice the girl that they fired they asked her to come back. A true shocker to say the least. I don’t understand how you say we have a zero-tolerance policy workplace but then hire her back??? And the bad part about it was the fact that people thought that I didn’t know. Oh, they showered me with kind and loving words. But little did they know that I already knew. I was hurting but I never took it out on them. I came in and did my job and made sure everything was good before my last day. But the fact that no one had the respect to let me know told me all that I needed to know. You are easily replaceable. You’re not as important as you thought you were. I worked hard every day doing the right thing but only to be betrayed like this. It hurts but in the end, I know that I made the best decision for me. This a huge learning moment. There are people who I knew were genuine and only want the best for me. And then there are those who don’t really care. I don’t wish them ill will. I wish them much success. This moment has made me better. I’ve grown up a lot because I would never have had peace to be able to pray for them and wish them the best. I know that in the end, I will be okay. I’m glad to be growing and learning important life lessons.