Friendships:

Friendships are so important to me. As I’m going through my journey I spoke with a good friend of mines about my situation. I told her that I’m struggling with being a wife. She was silent for a minute and then she asked me if I ever struggled with being a friend to my husband? I said no. Then she asked me if I struggled with being his girlfriend? I said no. And then she said so why is it so hard being his wife? I told her it’s the word wife, it holds so much power and I’m not sure if I can live up to that word. She told me it’s just a word, it doesn’t make or break you. Being yourself and doing what you are supposed to do is what matters. We put some much power in that word and we try to live up to it. I had to ponder that for a while because she was right. I’m trying to live up to the word and not being who my husband fell in love with.
I put to much time trying to be something that I have seen in others when I should have just been myself. I’m learning that me being me is being a wife. I’m following the bible and I’m submitting and doing all of that. But I took my eyes off of my marriage and was trying to live my marriage as I have seen in other marriages. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who is and has struggled in this area. I’m glad to be able to have these types of conversations with other women. I’m learning to understand that being me and making sure my marriage is the best was up to me. I’m very thankful for the friendships that I have because I have strong friendships with women who haven’t turned there back on me when times have gotten hard. I’m blessed to be able to lean on them and gleam from there wisdom. Rich friendships are hard to find. I’m learning to walk on my own path instead of someone else’s path. I’m on a journey to bettering myself.

That friend:

Have you ever had a really good male friend with whom you could talk to about anything? Someone you could chill with and knew that nothing was going to happen? And then one day they tell you that they have feelings for you. That part really messed me up because I had already been in a relationship with a really good friend and that ended badly for me. That person knew it but wanted to be honest about their feelings anyway. But have you ever stopped to wonder about what might have been? I’m not going to sit here and lie and say I haven’t because I have. I know that this person would have loved me unconditionally and would have seen to it that my every desire was met, but sometimes having a friend who sticks by you is better than not having that friend at all. For me, it was fear of losing a really good friend that might have had become my boyfriend. I can and can’t say that things would or wouldn’t have worked out for us. That we will never know. But to have a real friendship like that is priceless.