There have been so many things in my life that have held me back. Those things are called fear, and today I have decided to deal with fear. So many things that I want to accomplish and do I feel fearful about doing. When it comes to going places and just enjoying myself I feel fearful about doing them. When it comes to succeeding I feel fearful about that. Fear has held me back most of my life. I was fearful of what people may think or say. I was fearful of people finding out that I may not be as confident as I let on. But right now today I’m going to tackle fear one problem at a time. I’m tired of being held back and held up by fear. So here’s to fighting past my fear and leaning more on my faith to get me through these situations. I can’t control anything but myself. My fear will not dictate my destination, my faith will lead me to my destination. Time to kick fear out and start letting faith lead the way.
This morning I had a heart to heart with my husband. I have been in some hurtful relationships. My husband and I will be married for 10 years in September and I haven’t been in a relationship like this. I’m used to verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse. I’m used to cheating and lying. I’m used to disrespect and no love. It was an eye-opener. My husband is different and I have been expecting him to do these things to me. I have been waiting for what I’m used to but this relationship is different. I haven’t let my guard down. And at some point, I have to understand that my husband isn’t like these past men in my life. I have to let my guard down and understand that this relationship is different. I have to understand that my husband committed to me before we got married. He has always been teamed me. He has always had my back. He has always wanted the best for me. Now has he hurt me yes. But it’s never been like the relationships that I have been in before. I’m used to be so scared that one day I will have to go through the same thing again. But I haven’t and it’s time to move on. I understand that you will never have a perfect relationship, but one thing that I understand is that when you have someone who loves you with all your heart then they will make sure that they have your best interest at heart. It makes sense now to me. I have to let go of my past because I’m missing out on a great future. I’m glad that I have a great husband. He isn’t perfect by any means but he loves and treats me better than I am used to.
It’s interesting that one day apart my good friend and my husband pose the same question to me. What would it look like if I lived my life without fear? Whoa, Ummm man to be honest I couldn’t even answer that question. Of course, it would look great right? I don’t know. I feel like fear has kept me from doing some stupid things. But what if I was supposed to walk away from that friendship, relationship, or job but didn’t do it because of fear? What if I don’t know what that really looks like? Living my life without fear? In some ways, I do feel like I’m living my life without fear, but other ways I’m not. I think fear holds me back from telling people how I really feel about them. I think fear holds me back from not being okay in certain situations. Fear is something that we all deal with in life. I get scared when I blog because of what people may say. I’m scared to finish my book. But at some point in my life, I need to be set free from fear. So what would my life look like if I lived without fear? Well, I think it would be pretty awesome. But I’m not there yet. This is going to take some time and work on my end. Do you live without fear?
At this moment in my life I’m paralyzed by fear. I can’t move forward until I deal with this fear that is plaguing me. I can’t heal until I let go of this fear. And right now I honestly don’t know how to do that. My fear has me frozen and emotional all at once. I feel trapped in myself. Am I the only one who has ever dealt with fear like this?