Faith not fear:

There have been so many things in my life that have held me back. Those things are called fear, and today I have decided to deal with fear. So many things that I want to accomplish and do I feel fearful about doing. When it comes to going places and just enjoying myself I feel fearful about doing them. When it comes to succeeding I feel fearful about that. Fear has held me back most of my life. I was fearful of what people may think or say. I was fearful of people finding out that I may not be as confident as I let on. But right now today I’m going to tackle fear one problem at a time. I’m tired of being held back and held up by fear. So here’s to fighting past my fear and leaning more on my faith to get me through these situations. I can’t control anything but myself. My fear will not dictate my destination, my faith will lead me to my destination. Time to kick fear out and start letting faith lead the way.

Where is my faith?:

I’ve been down on myself lately and the negative talk that I’m giving myself is not helping. I don’t know why I don’t trust God in my situation. I don’t know why I force myself to make things happen. I want what I want now and if it’s not in God’s will for it to happen now then it won’t. No matter how much I feel like I should be here instead of there. Where is my faith? Where is my trust? Why does it seem like in the hard times I doubt and don’t have the faith that I should? Why is it when things are going right I fully trust the Lord? I don’t always like waiting but there are times when I do need to wait. Because when I take it upon myself to make things happen it just gets worse. I know that I need to make some changes in my life and take this opportunity to pray and trust that God will deliver me from this. Life isn’t always going to be easy but I need to be content in any state that I’m in.

Betrayal:

Betrayal can come in all types of forms. It can be a betrayal of a friend, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend or employer. I’ve never felt more hurt then I did with the company that I use to work for. How could I have put my trust in them, just to be betrayed? I worked for this company for almost two years and I felt like people where genuine, but it all changed when my co-worker got fired. It felt like certain people changed toward me. All along I felt like they understood me and cared for me. But in reality, they didn’t. As soon as I put in my two weeks’ notice the girl that they fired they asked her to come back. A true shocker to say the least. I don’t understand how you say we have a zero-tolerance policy workplace but then hire her back??? And the bad part about it was the fact that people thought that I didn’t know. Oh, they showered me with kind and loving words. But little did they know that I already knew. I was hurting but I never took it out on them. I came in and did my job and made sure everything was good before my last day. But the fact that no one had the respect to let me know told me all that I needed to know. You are easily replaceable. You’re not as important as you thought you were. I worked hard every day doing the right thing but only to be betrayed like this. It hurts but in the end, I know that I made the best decision for me. This a huge learning moment. There are people who I knew were genuine and only want the best for me. And then there are those who don’t really care. I don’t wish them ill will. I wish them much success. This moment has made me better. I’ve grown up a lot because I would never have had peace to be able to pray for them and wish them the best. I know that in the end, I will be okay. I’m glad to be growing and learning important life lessons.