Looking back: Part 2

Looking back on 2019 I have failed myself. I was really into writing my books. Yes, I said books but I became discouraged and just stopped writing. But what was making me discouraged? I try to make myself be as good as everyone else, but I need to be me and I will be okay. In 2020 I’m dedicated to writing my books and getting them published in 2020-2021. We all have a story to tell and I feel like my story is important as well. I’m going to get out of my funk and do better in 2020. It’s good to have realistic goals and to take time to do what makes me happy. 2020 I’m going to be all smiles. Looking back on 2019 I could have done more writing but I choose not to but in 2020 expect great things from me.

Finally:

I’ve come to realize that I’m my biggest challenge and worry. It doesn’t matter what others think of me, it matters most what I think of myself. I’m in a more healthy space where I see myself in a more positive light. I have always cared about what others thought of me but no more. I know that I’m not perfect and well that’s okay. But at least I’m working to make me better. We can judge others but hardly do we want to work on ourselves. Maybe for some, this should be a new year’s goal. Life is way to short to keep staying the same. Change is good.

Growth:

My growth every day is amazing. I love taking the time to grow. I’m responsible for me and my joy and happiness are about me and no one else. This season in my life I’m loving me and how I’m taking the time out for me. It’s my growing season.

Be you:

There is a saying ” be true to thine own self”. Why are we not true to ourselves? Why do we want to be someone else? Maybe because being yourself is too hard. But trust me being me is a lot easier than being someone else. I tried to be someone else and it didn’t turn out so well. It’s easier to pretend your life is so wonderful but it’s not. It’s easier to face your issues and try to deal with them. Life is going to be full of ups and downs but trying to be someone else won’t help you. You are uniquely you for a reason. You were made to be different and stand out. Love you and work on you to become the best version of yourself. Everyone has a purpose and you are special no matter how hard your life maybe.

My time:

I’m an impatient person. I wish God would give me everything that I want now. But here’s why God isn’t going to give me everything that I want now. It’s because I won’t appreciate it. Yes if I had everything that I want I would not appreciate it and probably want more. Yes, there are things that I feel like I need and want now. But I need to learn how to be patient and wait on the Lord. When I take things into my own hands they don’t go the way that I want them to. Since I left my job I’m learning to wait on God. I don’t want to take just any job. I want a job where I’m respected, appreciated and valued as a person. Since I have been off work I’ve grown in so many ways. If I would have just taken any job I wouldn’t be where I am now. My joy and happiness are on another level. I appreciate this time to just get me together. Even though I’m unemployed I’m in a way better space. I appreciate my husband supporting me during this time and being the provider for our family. Take the time to appreciate your time and peace.

Pep talk:

Hello vulnerability, it’s me. I’m trying to be more transparent. I’m trying to trust people more. Look I have come a long way and I’m doing better. I have let down my guard and I’m doing better. I use to have a trust issue and didn’t want to speak up for myself. Hello me it’s time for a change. It’s time for you to be you and love out loud. It’s okay to trust with your whole heart and if someone breaks that trust then it’s okay. That doesn’t mean you did something wrong. You’re going to get it wrong but your human. You’re not going to have all the answers and you won’t understand the actions of others, but don’t stop being you. Let your guard down, be vulnerable, trust and live out loud. Girl, you have more power then you think. You are someone that people want to get to know. Laugh, love and be the light others need to see in this world. Stop letting doubts and other’s judgment stop you. Know that your awesome and you bring joy to others. So keep smiling and have a great day.

Who am I?

I’m on this journey of discovering myself. Next year I’m going to be an empty nester. So right now I feel like I need to find something to do or even my identity. I know I’m a wife, mother, sister, and friend. But who am I outside of those things? That I’m not sure. I know what I love to do, but who am I really without any of those things. I feel like I’m not sure, to be honest. Right now this is what I’m trying to find out. It’s sad that outside of these things I don’t know who I am. Has anyone else struggle with this? I need my own identity.

Breathe:

As I’ve been working on myself there is one thing that I’ve always wanted to try. I’ve heard people talk about meditation. I’ve tried it like for a couple of days but was to busy to continue. And the more I have read about it and all the benefits that it has. Well, I’m going to try it and stick with it. Since I left work I feel a lot calmer, happier and all-around relaxed. I’m doing more around the house and loving it. Usually, I would complain about all there is to do around the house but right now I enjoy it. Something about being able to breathe again just feels good. So I’m going to start meditating and see how it helps me be a better me. Does anyone meditate? Any tips?

Change:

Every morning I always drink my tea and read my devotionals. And it was interesting that one of my devotionals touched on the past. If you want to know what your future will be ( if you don’t make any changes) then look at your past. That really struck a cord with me because I have been making it my mission to really change my life. There are so many things that I want to do differently in my life. I don’t want certain things in my life to stay the same. Change is good and very much needed. There have been people who have asked me why am I so determined to change? Well my answer was easy. I want my life to be different. I want to be different. I want my to create a better me. I’m not looking to change anyone but myself. I have been doing the same thing expecting different results. But that never happens. But the small things that I’m doing now has made me so happy and I’m loving this new women that I’m becoming. If I’m smiling and I’m making other’s smile I’m happy. Change looks good on me.

Dreams:

We all have dreams. Some of our dreams have probably come true. But what if you have a dream where you just don’t know if it will even happen? Well, my dream is to become a successful blogger and author. I’m not only talking about success as in money but as in helping people. Yes, I would like to pay my bills but I place helping people at a much higher value. No, I’m not writing self-help books. I’m writing about real life and what it’s like dealing with real life. Were always quick to help but we never really give much thought to how we got there. I would like to write all day and read. Yes, it may sound lame but it’s the truth. Right now I’m unemployed so I have more time to work on my books but to be honest I’ve been searching for work more than writing. I know one day that I will publish a book and get to at least a thousand followers on my blog but until then I will continue to put in the hard work and dedication. What are your dreams?