Constant:

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I’m a dreamer and I have so many things that I want to accomplish in this life. But one thing that I love to do more than anything is check up on people and encourage them. We have no idea what people may be going through. There have been plenty of times before COVID where I would smile at someone and they tell me how much my smile meant to them. But we live in a world where fame and fortune are more important than being a friend. I want to be the constant in someone’s life so they know I’m here for you. Why are we so caught up in what the world is doing instead of how we are doing? I mean I care about if you’re happy or sad. There are so many people who are depressed or going through something right now. I want you to know that I’m here for you. Trust me when I say encouraging you is more important to me than you will ever know. I care about what you may be going through. Just know that no matter what you go through someone cares.

Hey sis:

Hey sis I see you. Don’t stop smiling, loving and laughing. You are strong and beautiful. Don’t let society tell you you’re worth. You are awesome and amazing. Shine sis shine. Keep your head and glow. Show the world the best you possible. I see you sis.

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Sending love:

Everyone I know how exhausted you maybe. But take the time today to relax and show others love. Regardless of what is going on just know that you will make it through. Read a book, listen to music or just have a relaxing bath. No matter what happens just know that Im sending you love today.

LOVE:

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L-O-V-E this four-letter word holds so much power. What does this word mean? According to google the word love means an intense feeling of deep affection. Why do people use it so loosely? And why do some not use it at all? The word love to me is powerful, just because you say you love someone doesn’t mean your in love with that person. I can love someone like a brother or sister. You can have a love for someone or something. But I know that we all love someone or something. But we are not all in love with someone or something. When you say the word I love you make sure that the person that you say it to understands your meaning. It’s nice to have someone love you, but it’s even greater to have someone in love with you. I’ve noticed that this little word has the power to make or break a relationship if you don’t know the meaning. So next time you say I love you to someone make sure you tell the other person what you mean.

This weekend:

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As I reflect on this weekend I know how blessed I am. The prayers, conversations and just words of encouragement have meant so much to me. Everyone goes through things and not everyone talks about them. I want to help someone who might be going through the same thing as me. There are too many people who suffer in silence. I don’t want to suffer in silence anymore. I want to speak out and talk it out. I don’t know what I’m dealing with, to be honest, but I know that talking with my husband and my friends have helped me. I know I’m not alone with my feelings, but I just know you are not alone. I will be giving updates about how I’m feeling and what I’m doing to get out of this funk. I know that the sadness that I had this weekend I don’t have this morning. I’m a work in progress but I’m going to work on me.

Get me together:

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Yesterday was a very emotional and interesting day. I talked with one of my good friends and she asked me did I think that what I was dealing with could be related to age and hormones. And then talking to my husband yesterday he asked me could what I’m going through possible be because my daughter is a senior this year. And then another question was asked to me am I depressed? I honestly have never been depressed but what I have being reading I think I might be. And I think it is a combination of age, hormones and my daughter last year of high school. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME!!!!!!!!! I have never felt this way in my life. I feel, I don’t know how I feel to be honest. Just sad that’s the only way that I can describe it. I’ve been praying and meditate and it helps but I need to get out of this funk I don’t like it at all. I feel like I need to see someone regarding my issues. I need to get me together for real.

Thank You:

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I would like to thank everyone for holding me down this year. Thank you for the encouragement and love you have shown me. I don’t know what I would do without my writing community. Words can’t express how much I love you all. 2020 writing community we are going to do some great things. Happy New Year’s Eve.

What I need to work on:

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Well as 2019 is coming to an end I have so much to work on in 2020. I’m a very honest and open person………….whoa wait a minute did I just say open. No, I’m not open I hide my feelings a lot. Yes, I need to work on this by 1000%. This weekend has taught me that I’m not happy and my life well is not as good as it seems. While I feel like there are problems some may not because well my communication skills suck. Yes, I said it sucks. Here is a list of things that I really need to work on in 2020.

  1. My marriage-my communication sucks in this area and not being able to really let someone know how I feel. Well, this weekend was the worse because I told my husband that I feel like I’m living in hell. Yes, I said hell. Not good I know right?
  2. My books-I need to be more dedicated to my writing. I don’t write as much as I want to because I get discouraged at times. But no more excuses. I’m finishing at least one book in 2020. 
  3. Communication-Yes I need to work on this because I hold everything inside. I have always been the type to keep my feelings inside. I’m a surface talker. I have never really wanted to go deep or even talk about my feelings. 

So these are the three main things that I’m going to be working on in the New Year. Yes, I’m working on myself because I’m always a work in progress. I will keep you updated on how I’m doing in the coming New Year. 

Looking back: Part 2

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Looking back on 2019 I have failed myself. I was really into writing my books. Yes, I said books but I became discouraged and just stopped writing. But what was making me discouraged? I try to make myself be as good as everyone else, but I need to be me and I will be okay. In 2020 I’m dedicated to writing my books and getting them published in 2020-2021. We all have a story to tell and I feel like my story is important as well. I’m going to get out of my funk and do better in 2020. It’s good to have realistic goals and to take time to do what makes me happy. 2020 I’m going to be all smiles. Looking back on 2019 I could have done more writing but I choose not to but in 2020 expect great things from me.