LOVE:

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L-O-V-E this four-letter word holds so much power. What does this word mean? According to google the word love means an intense feeling of deep affection. Why do people use it so loosely? And why do some not use it at all? The word love to me is powerful, just because you say you love someone doesn’t mean your in love with that person. I can love someone like a brother or sister. You can have a love for someone or something. But I know that we all love someone or something. But we are not all in love with someone or something. When you say the word I love you make sure that the person that you say it to understands your meaning. It’s nice to have someone love you, but it’s even greater to have someone in love with you. I’ve noticed that this little word has the power to make or break a relationship if you don’t know the meaning. So next time you say I love you to someone make sure you tell the other person what you mean.

This weekend:

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As I reflect on this weekend I know how blessed I am. The prayers, conversations and just words of encouragement have meant so much to me. Everyone goes through things and not everyone talks about them. I want to help someone who might be going through the same thing as me. There are too many people who suffer in silence. I don’t want to suffer in silence anymore. I want to speak out and talk it out. I don’t know what I’m dealing with, to be honest, but I know that talking with my husband and my friends have helped me. I know I’m not alone with my feelings, but I just know you are not alone. I will be giving updates about how I’m feeling and what I’m doing to get out of this funk. I know that the sadness that I had this weekend I don’t have this morning. I’m a work in progress but I’m going to work on me.

Get me together:

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Yesterday was a very emotional and interesting day. I talked with one of my good friends and she asked me did I think that what I was dealing with could be related to age and hormones. And then talking to my husband yesterday he asked me could what I’m going through possible be because my daughter is a senior this year. And then another question was asked to me am I depressed? I honestly have never been depressed but what I have being reading I think I might be. And I think it is a combination of age, hormones and my daughter last year of high school. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME!!!!!!!!! I have never felt this way in my life. I feel, I don’t know how I feel to be honest. Just sad that’s the only way that I can describe it. I’ve been praying and meditate and it helps but I need to get out of this funk I don’t like it at all. I feel like I need to see someone regarding my issues. I need to get me together for real.

Thank You:

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I would like to thank everyone for holding me down this year. Thank you for the encouragement and love you have shown me. I don’t know what I would do without my writing community. Words can’t express how much I love you all. 2020 writing community we are going to do some great things. Happy New Year’s Eve.

What I need to work on:

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Well as 2019 is coming to an end I have so much to work on in 2020. I’m a very honest and open person………….whoa wait a minute did I just say open. No, I’m not open I hide my feelings a lot. Yes, I need to work on this by 1000%. This weekend has taught me that I’m not happy and my life well is not as good as it seems. While I feel like there are problems some may not because well my communication skills suck. Yes, I said it sucks. Here is a list of things that I really need to work on in 2020.

  1. My marriage-my communication sucks in this area and not being able to really let someone know how I feel. Well, this weekend was the worse because I told my husband that I feel like I’m living in hell. Yes, I said hell. Not good I know right?
  2. My books-I need to be more dedicated to my writing. I don’t write as much as I want to because I get discouraged at times. But no more excuses. I’m finishing at least one book in 2020. 
  3. Communication-Yes I need to work on this because I hold everything inside. I have always been the type to keep my feelings inside. I’m a surface talker. I have never really wanted to go deep or even talk about my feelings. 

So these are the three main things that I’m going to be working on in the New Year. Yes, I’m working on myself because I’m always a work in progress. I will keep you updated on how I’m doing in the coming New Year. 

Looking back: Part 2

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Looking back on 2019 I have failed myself. I was really into writing my books. Yes, I said books but I became discouraged and just stopped writing. But what was making me discouraged? I try to make myself be as good as everyone else, but I need to be me and I will be okay. In 2020 I’m dedicated to writing my books and getting them published in 2020-2021. We all have a story to tell and I feel like my story is important as well. I’m going to get out of my funk and do better in 2020. It’s good to have realistic goals and to take time to do what makes me happy. 2020 I’m going to be all smiles. Looking back on 2019 I could have done more writing but I choose not to but in 2020 expect great things from me.

Finally:

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I’ve come to realize that I’m my biggest challenge and worry. It doesn’t matter what others think of me, it matters most what I think of myself. I’m in a more healthy space where I see myself in a more positive light. I have always cared about what others thought of me but no more. I know that I’m not perfect and well that’s okay. But at least I’m working to make me better. We can judge others but hardly do we want to work on ourselves. Maybe for some, this should be a new year’s goal. Life is way to short to keep staying the same. Change is good.

Growth:

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My growth every day is amazing. I love taking the time to grow. I’m responsible for me and my joy and happiness are about me and no one else. This season in my life I’m loving me and how I’m taking the time out for me. It’s my growing season.

Be you:

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There is a saying ” be true to thine own self”. Why are we not true to ourselves? Why do we want to be someone else? Maybe because being yourself is too hard. But trust me being me is a lot easier than being someone else. I tried to be someone else and it didn’t turn out so well. It’s easier to pretend your life is so wonderful but it’s not. It’s easier to face your issues and try to deal with them. Life is going to be full of ups and downs but trying to be someone else won’t help you. You are uniquely you for a reason. You were made to be different and stand out. Love you and work on you to become the best version of yourself. Everyone has a purpose and you are special no matter how hard your life maybe.

My time:

I’m an impatient person. I wish God would give me everything that I want now. But here’s why God isn’t going to give me everything that I want now. It’s because I won’t appreciate it. Yes if I had everything that I want I would not appreciate it and probably want more. Yes, there are things that I feel like I need and want now. But I need to learn how to be patient and wait on the Lord. When I take things into my own hands they don’t go the way that I want them to. Since I left my job I’m learning to wait on God. I don’t want to take just any job. I want a job where I’m respected, appreciated and valued as a person. Since I have been off work I’ve grown in so many ways. If I would have just taken any job I wouldn’t be where I am now. My joy and happiness are on another level. I appreciate this time to just get me together. Even though I’m unemployed I’m in a way better space. I appreciate my husband supporting me during this time and being the provider for our family. Take the time to appreciate your time and peace.