I’m here:

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This post may get a little deep. I have noticed that just because you have friends doesn’t mean you have people with who you can go deep with. I have noticed that we all have tons of friends, but how many of those friends can we really bear our souls to? There have been so many people committing suicide because they have no one to really talk to. This hurts my heart because as I was thinking about all of my friends I can honestly say I have only two who I can bear my soul to. How many people can you honestly talk to? How many people will be there to listen to you and not judge you? Can you be completely honest with someone? I know that not everyone who died was because people didn’t have someone to talk to. But to be honest they probably didn’t have someone to talk to whether a counselor, friend, or family member. Listen I never want anyone to feel like they have no one. So if you ever need someone to talk to please reach out to me. I don’t want you to take your life because you have no one. I’m here with an open heart and a listening ear. I know that life gets rough I get it, but please know that you are not alone. I’m here please know that.

Heavy thoughts:

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I thought that I had my fear under control until recently. And this fear for some may seem crazy or even unnecessary but it’s real. Since George Floyd died my fear of my husband driving somewhere by himself has crippled me. But now when I go somewhere by myself I often wonder will I be okay. Not just driving but going into stores. Yes, I’m well aware of black people being followed in certain stores. But now it seems like people are just being rude and calling the police on innocent people because they feel like they don’t belong there. It amazes me how people can tell other people where they belong and where they don’t. I often find myself wondering if this is the land of the free why it doesn’t feel that way. Like I said for some you will understand what I’m saying. I remember a couple of weeks ago I went to the store and this guy had on a make America great again hat and a trump mask. I didn’t care because those things don’t bother me. It’s called freedom of speech and expression but what bothered me was how he looked at me. And then he had the nerve to say I bet you hate what I have on. And I was like no I don’t, but I bet you hate that I’m not bothered by it. You should have seen the look on his face, even though he had on a mask you could tell that he was surprised by my reaction. I played it cool because I honestly didn’t know where the conversation was gonna go, but he looked at me and said yes I am surprised, and then told me to have a nice day. You should never fear any man, but it hurts when you don’t have the power to defend yourself if need be because you could die. I wish this world was a more equal place to live but it’s not. I don’t care what people wear or what they say, just as long as your not in my face. It’s all about respect for me. But if I was to get pulled over our if I was to defend myself would others see it the same way?

Above all else:

Above all else love me when I’m not looking my best
Above all else show me when life puts us to the test
Above all else ride with me when I’m lonely and down
Above all else encourage me when no one else is around
Above all else show me what love looks like
Above all else hold me when I’m afraid and cold at night
Above all else need me as I can never be replaced
Above all else tell me I’m beautiful when it doesn’t show on my face
Above all else be real with me, like I’m real with you
Above all else be yourself and not a fake imitation of you
Above all else shine when it’s dark outside
Above all else remember what’s in your heart is hard to find