My marriage:

I’ve been married for 9 years, and I wish I would have had some advice about marriage before I got married. If I could go back in time and tell my newly engaged self anything it would be this. 

  1. It’s okay not to know what your doing everyone feels this way.
  2. It’s okay to be vulnerable with your husband he has your back
  3. Not everything is worthy of getting an attitude about
  4. Know that you are going to have rough times but the true test of your marriage is working it out.
  5. Just because his parents don’t like you doesn’t mean you need to take it out on him.
  6. You don’t have to be right about everything, winning is not always important.

As I have become more seasoned in my marriage I’m realizing that doing life with my husband is so much fun. I don’t need to win every argument. I don’t need to tell him what he is doing wrong all the time. I need to love and support him. I need him to know that when he comes home from work I am his comfort. I don’t always do things right in my marriage but I’m working at it. I felt like love would get me through my marriage, but now I understand it’s commitment. I’m committed to not giving up when it gets hard. I’m committed to doing my best daily. I’m still learning and growing, but I appreciate my marriage more today than ever.

What stinks?:

There are many things that stink, our garbage, your teenager and at times our attitude. I’m learning that my attitude so far this year hasn’t been the best. I had the whoa is me attitude, but there are so many people who are dealing with worse who’s attitude is so much better. I needed to step back in get out of my pity party and understand that what I’m going through is to make me better and stronger. This is a learning lesson that I have failed. Everything in life is a learning lesson but it’s how you treat the lesson. You can either have your pity party and keep going through the same thing or you can learn the lesson. I’m learning that it’s not about me and what I want on my time. It’s about God timing and how I need to learn to be patient in the process. Yes life can stink and my attitude was very funky but not anymore. I’m learning to be content in any season that I’m in. I’m a work in progress and I’m learning daily.

Love language:

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I’m the type of person who loves the little things. And my husband did just that. I hate all things that have to do with fixing anything. So my truck needed new brakes and my tire patched. So on my husband’s day off he did this for me, plus going grocery shopping with me. It’s the little things that really touch my heart. It’s my love language. And when you speak my love language well it warms my heart. So I’m learning to never take for granted the little things because they matter so much.

New Journey:

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A new month and a new journey. I’m still trying to figure out what God is preparing me for. I’m still out of work and my health well……. I went to the doctor and I’m waiting to be scheduled for a CT scan because I’m still having issues. My breastbone is very tender along with chest pain not sure what’s going on. So as I wait I wonder what I’m supposed to be doing? To be honest I feel bored. I pray, read devotionals, cook, clean, read, write and look for jobs but I feel like this is my daily cycle. But I feel like I’m in a waiting season. But what am I waiting for? I’m trusting God to help prepare me for my purpose. Or maybe he is preparing me but I’m missing the point. Either way, I’m okay, because I would rather deal with my health issues now than when I start working. What does your journey look like?

I want to win:

There will always be winners and losers in life. I felt like a loser last month. So much has happened to me in one month. I felt defeated and miserable. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of this funk. But nothing comes to those who don’t fight. You can’t fight your way out of depression if you don’t take a step. You can’t fight your way to a better marriage if you don’t take a step. I knew that I didn’t want to lose myself, marriage and life being down. I wanted to win this war that was in my life. I never knew what it meant to be low until last month. I felt like I could sleep and never wake up. Yeah, I felt that way. You don’t win anything not trying. I wanted to fight this dark cloud that was hanging over my head. And I have been. See I’m not going to be a loser. I want to win this war over my life. I don’t take my life for granted or people. So either you’re going to get up and do something or your going to stay defeated. I use to be very competitive in sports and I always wanted to win because losing wasn’t an option for me. I worked too hard training and winning was the only way for me. I’m keeping that mentality right now. Whatever is going on in my life I want to win. How about you? Do you want to win?

Restart button:

Okay, it’s time to hit the reset button on my life. This year I made a vision board about words. Speaking life and speaking good things. So far that hasn’t been what I’ve done. I have done the opposite of this. So it’s time to hit the reset button and do things over again. Just because I have been down doesn’t mean that I’m out. Just because things haven’t gone as planned doesn’t mean greatness isn’t coming. See I look at what’s happening now and not what God is preparing me for. I think that nothing is going to change but it won’t if I keep thinking negatively. So here’s the hitting the restart button in my life. What do you need to hit the restart button on?

Letter to my 20 year old self:

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When I was in my 20’s I couldn’t have imagined where my life would lead me. But now that I’m in my 40’s life has been a true adventure. Listen I know your struggling with love and understanding love. You have had your heart broken so many times just by being yourself. And trust me there is nothing wrong with being yourself, your going to find that special someone that God has just for you. Trust me I know, I’m in the future. You’re doing a great job with your kids, keep it up. Trust me they hear you and understand the wisdom that you are giving them. You’re a dreamer and it’s okay to dream but you must get your head out of the clouds. You have always been a risker taker and you will continue to be one. Do me a favor and work on you and loving you, because now that you’re in your 40’s you’re doing this. Understand that everything doesn’t need to lead to a misunderstanding. Hear the person out and listen to there heart. It’s okay to have time to yourself we all need it. Please learn to say no before you hit 40, it’s really important. Remember who you are and whose you are. God created a wonderful woman even though you don’t always feel this way. Don’t be so hard on yourself we all go through things, but the important thing is to learn and grow. People will come and go out of your life and it’s okay don’t take it personally. You’re going to meet some truly amazing people along the way. Your doing great don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Trust me your 40’s will be different.

Thinking:

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Why does tragedy make us take time to think about life? Why does it take someone passing or sick to think about our lives and the ones that we love? It’s sad to say that I’ve been processing my life since the passing of Kobe Bryant and others. I’m on a journey of doing better and being better, but this took the wind out of me. Life is short and we take people for granted. We think that our loved ones will always be here, but sadly they won’t. I’ve had to step back and examine myself and how I go about things. I don’t take time and people for granted. I say I love you more and make more of an effort to be all there for them. My heart is truly different now and I don’t look at life the same anymore.

I'm searching:

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I’m searching for something, but what could it be
I’m searching for joy inside of me
They say that trouble don’t last always
And yes I know this to be true
Love is more powerful than being sad and blue
I’m searching for something, but what could it be
Those eyes seem familiar that is staring back at me
I’m searching for joy inside of me
They say that trouble don’t last always
I’m searching for something, but what could it be
Why am I searching it’s already inside of me

Life and death:

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Today everyone has heard the news regarding Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and the other passengers. Death is always painful and sad. But this could have been anyone’s dad and daughter. Husband and daughter. Son and granddaughter. The passing of these people that I have never met in my life put a lot of things into perspective. Life is short. Kobe is a year younger than me, and death doesn’t have an age limit. I want to hug my husband longer and tighter, I don’t want to argue about things that don’t matter. I want to hug my daughter tighter and tell her I love her more. I want my sons to know that I will always have there back. People life is way to short to not take your life and the life of others in perspective. Love people like you won’t see them tomorrow. Tell people what you want to tell them while you still have time. Give people their flowers while they are still alive. As I reflect on my time off this weekend I wish I could have said nicer things to my husband. Just because I didn’t feel good doesn’t mean I need to have an attitude. I’m learning and going to do better.