Pain of my father:

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I’m not over the hurt and pain that my dad has caused me. I woke up this morning, just wondering what is about me that makes him not care. What did I do to him? What makes my other siblings more important? I’m hurting for real. If I talk to him again I know that things are not going to go well because I’m going to tell him exactly how I feel. No, I’m not going to be disrespectful but I will let him know that how he is treating me is hurting me in ways he will never understand. I’m trying to let it go, but I’m failing in this area of my life. Let go and let God, I’m trying but right now it’s a deep pain that I need to release but don’t know-how.

Daddy issues: Part 2

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I believe that my daddy issues also had something to do with the relationships that I got into with men. I didn’t always pick the best men to date. I wanted the bad boy, someone reckless but that wasn’t as exciting as I thought. That ended up being my first experience with physical abuse. All my relationships were extremely different from each other. I guess I was looking for my type our someone that I thought was like my dad’s style. But then I was just looking for someone to love me and let me tell you, you can’t have anyone love you until you love yourself. That was a very hard and long lesson to learn. I married someone totally opposite of my dad. Someone who has stuck with me through some pretty hard and emotional times. I always wanted someone true and genuine who would love all my flaws and imperfections. And I have found him. Do I still have daddy issues yes, but I’m not looking for something that’s not reachable and mutual?

Daddy issues: Part 1

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I have Daddy issues. Yes, I said Daddy issues. As a girl, I never knew what it was like to be daddy’s little girl. To have a close relationship with my dad. My relationship with my dad was built on disappointments and let downs. My dad would lie to me and say that he was coming to see me or get me but it never happens. I remember growing up and only spent two summers with my dad. I believe I was like 4 or 5 and the other when I was 16. But none of those times can I say that I was super close to my dad. Our relationship is weird. He didn’t come to anything that was going on in my life. I was sick and in the hospital my dad wasn’t there. I had three children and my dad was never there. He didn’t see me graduate. He didn’t come to my wedding. I’ve always had this longing for a relationship that I only seem to want to have with my dad. It’s very awkward, to be honest. My parents were married and my dad got another woman pregnant. That hurt my mom and I grew up reaping the effects of a bad marriage. My dad really to me didn’t seem to have any interest in me and it hurt me to the core. And now growing up it’s still the same. Our conversations are very short and it seems like strangers who are trying to force something. There have been times where I have told him how I felt and even wrote him a letter about it. To have the love of a dad would have been great growing up. But I never got to experience that. It was and still is hurtful.