Above all else:

Above all else love me when I’m not looking my best
Above all else show me when life puts us to the test
Above all else ride with me when I’m lonely and down
Above all else encourage me when no one else is around
Above all else show me what love looks like
Above all else hold me when I’m afraid and cold at night
Above all else need me as I can never be replaced
Above all else tell me I’m beautiful when it doesn’t show on my face
Above all else be real with me, like I’m real with you
Above all else be yourself and not a fake imitation of you
Above all else shine when it’s dark outside
Above all else remember what’s in your heart is hard to find

It’s time to get real with me Part 1:

When I look in the mirror I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. Who is this person? That’s not my reflection, is it? Who have I become? Where did I lose myself? How do I get back to see my reflection in the mirror again? I’ve lost me and love for me and life. What has changed? Where did I begin to lose sight of who I am? Where do I even begin to put the pieces of this puzzle back together? I have more questions than I do have answers. Time to get real and knock some walls down in my life. It’s time that I get honest with myself. No matter how ugly it gets I’m about to do the work. They say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. But society has a way of making you not feel beautiful enough. There seem to be so many people getting plastic surgery that being real isn’t normal anymore. I’ve always been tall, skinny and some would say the perfect weight. But all that has always made me so insecure. I wanted to have the curvy body, with big boobs and ass. I wanted to wear clothes that fit in all the right places. But that was never the case. I didn’t start gaining weight until I became pregnant with my first child. But that didn’t last long because as soon as I had him I went back to the same size. I’ve always been self-conscious of how I look. People have always said that I’m pretty and stuff. But that never meant much to me if I didn’t believe it myself. That’s the problem I don’t believe what I’m told. What is beautiful? Who decides who’s beautiful or not? Why can’t I set my standard of beautiful? But as I sit and reflect I’ve noticed that if what other people say about you don’t add up to what you say about you it doesn’t mean much. Why do we believe the lies that we tell ourselves? Why don’t we put much value on ourselves? Does another person’s opinion matter that much? If it does it shouldn’t. We need to be confident in who we are at all times. We need to believe the best in ourselves. We are worth so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

Whoever said marry was easy lied:

Often times we see couples who have been married for years. And they seem so in love after all these years. And I often wonder is it sincere or is it just a good day? Marriage is hard and it takes a lot of work. But some people make it look so effortless. How???? I’m struggling trying to be friend, wife and lover. You would think that almost 9 years of marriage I would have it down right? Wrong. I still feel the pressure of being the wife who does it all. But dang I get tired to. There are times I don’t want to cook, clean or have sex. Does this make me a bad wife? No. But I feel the pressure. Pressure of what you ask? Living up to unrealistic expectations. Who’s expectations? The world’s. It’s mind blowing how someone can seem to have this marriage thing down to a science. Am I doing this right I wonder so many times. Am I the only wife who struggles with this issue? How do so many couples find so much joy so often? What am I missing?

Note to younger self:

This is my birthday month and as I reflect on getting older there are things I wish I could have told my younger self. Enjoy being you, you are so unique and genuine. Don’t let others determine your worth. Know that your beauty comes from within. You set your own standard don’t let the world set it for you. Be okay with not knowing everything and being able to help everyone. Make sure you focus on your dreams just as much as others are focused on there’s. You’re going to make mistakes but learn from them and grow. It’s okay to help people but make sure you’re helping yourself in the long run. Save money and don’t be so quick to give it away to others. Have fun and be goofy. Your smile will light up a room. Don’t worry about what others are doing or what they think about you. You are the best version of you. Keep your head up and know that you are loved. But more than anything dream, dream and dream some more. You got this girl.

Alone time 2:

Alone time from your spouse is so necessary because you can start taking them for granted. I’m learning to appreciate my husband more. Life is too short and we need to give people their flowers while they are still alive. Alone time for me gave me time to relax and focus on myself and doing the things that I enjoy. But I must say you can get lonely with having alone time if you’re not used to it. I had good intentions of writing and reading all day, but that didn’t happen. My thoughts got away from me as I was writing and I started to get lonely. I’m so used to hanging out with my husband that now he’s not here I really don’t know what to do with myself. I’m still reading and writing, but what I had planned in my head isn’t happening. This is something new for me and while I enjoy time alone I’m rethinking this alone time.

I’m not Superwomen:

I’m not Superwomen
I thought I could be
I’m not Superwomen
No, she’s not me
I’ve tried to do all the things she’s done
But her strength
I’m outdone

I’m not Superwomen. I’ve been labeled that but I don’t want to be her anymore. I do so much for other people that I rarely take the time out to do something for myself. If I’m tired and stressed, then I’m no good for myself or other people. Women we try to do it all. But we can’t do it all. It wasn’t meant for us to do it alone. I find myself being overwhelmed, but it’s my fault. Ladies stop trying to do it all. We need to ask for help. It’s okay to not be able to handle it all. STOP LADIES-STOP!!!!!!!! We are not Superwomen. I’m not Superwomen. I’m okay being me and not doing it all.

True Love:

It’s interesting that many people state that you only have one true love in your life. But here’s where I get confused at. If you only get one true love in your life, then why do people marry multiple times? Are we searching for something that’s unattainable? Do we have unrealistic expectations? What’s your definition of true love? Is there such a thing as true love? Honestly, I would say yes to this question. And here’s why. In every season of our life, we become different. One season you may be okay with something and the next season your not. Do you think you can only have one true love, no? And the reason why I say no is because of this. I don’t think God created only one person for us. I believe that there are multiple people for us but only certain ones we meet at certain points in our lives. I have seen widows who have married the love of their lives and their spouse passes away. And they remarry and say that their new spouse is their true love. Can you have more than one true love? I believe it’s possible.
Please let me know what you think about this topic.

Traveling Alone:

Life has a funny way of showing you that it cares
You’re left all alone with no one there
It gets lonely sometimes when your traveling alone
Nowhere to go no place to call home
I’m trying my best to understand why life has no answers but only lies
I feel disconnected with nowhere to go
I’m traveling alone while searching for a home
I’m left to wonder will I truly understand
What I’m to do without a plan
I’ve traveled as far as this road will go
I’m traveling alone on an empty road

How much longer:

My heart is racing
I can’t slow down
This is worse than a merry-go-round
Dysfunction and chaos is all around
Why can’t you see your life is a mess
Your friends care nothing about you
And right now I’m feeling stressed
Open your eyes and see the life you were given
The choice is your’s are you done living
I can’t watch your destructive path
How much longer will this last
Are you going to live or just play this game
You only have one life, surrender or you’re gone
How much longer will this last
I say a prayer for you, but you only laugh
Destruction is where you are headed if you don’t change your ways
How much longer will this last
My prayer I hope it saves

It hurts:

It hurts to see what you have become
A silly little child a restless bum
I watched you grow from a baby to a man
And what I really don’t understand
Is where I went wrong
It troubles me so
You were on the right path
But now I don’t know
I don’t understand why you don’t care so much
Your life is so precious, but you don’t give a fuck
As a mother, it hurts me to see
What your life could have been
But now I watch what your life is to be