One thing about writing is that I get to bare my soul on paper. The one thing about writing for me is that I’m able to be completely honest about my feelings. I’m very proud of myself for taking the time out to work on my book and let my emotions flow. Writing is not as easy as it seems, well not for me anyway because I write from the soul. I’m learning that honesty within my self is the best. I’m learning that being honest with others is helpful also. Writing takes me to a whole nother level within myself. I’m having to face things that I otherwise would not want to face. So during my journey of working on me, I’m telling my story through my book. I’m a work in progress.
So as of last week, I no longer have a job. I could be sad, mad or even down. But I’m not. Leaving my job was the best thing that could of happen to me at this point in my life. You can give your all to something or someone and neglect yourself. I’m very bad at that. I neglect myself so much that I don’t take the time to even work on me. I don’t have my quiet time as I wanted. I don’t make sure that I’m the best as possible. So this is where I had to take a hard look at me and my situation. My job was stressing me out and having a negative effect on my family. I wasn’t happy at all. It just wasn’t my job. It was me not taking care of my mental health. I was doing so much for everyone else but ME. When will I realize that I’m just as important as everyone else? Well, I finally had to realize and took stock of my feelings and what I want to do. I want a job that will support and encourage my growth. I want to be able to have my time and to take care of me. I need to be able to write and work on my book. I need to understand my feelings and emotions. I need to make sure that I’m okay before I can take care of others. This week I have truly examined myself and seeking the hard answers. I’ve been blessed to have the chance to do this. My mental health is so important. And when people drain you mentally it’s hard to be your best. I have taken all that I can take and now for the year 2020 I’m going to be the best me ever. I’m taking steps to do all that I can do to better me. We all need to take an assessment of ourselves. I’m on the road to a much better me.
What is it about me that people know that I’m a haven in their life? I have always been the person that people can come and talk to about anything. I’ve always been there for anyone who needed me, but have you ever felt alone anyway? You can help solve other’s problems but don’t know where to start when it comes to solving your problems? Yeah, this is where I’m at in my life. I go hard for anyone who needs me, but when I need it in return I get a lukewarm response. Why is that? Why can I be the go-to person but I don’t have that. Naw is it me or is it them? I’m not sure, to be honest. I don’t require or ask much. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to and have someone really listen and be there for you. Maybe I’m more complicated then I realize. I don’t know just thinking out loud. But am I alone with how I feel?
I’m thankful for my smile. When I tell you that my smile has been fake lately. But I woke up this morning with a huge genuine smile. It feels so good to be able to smile again. I love that I can smile again. I felt like my true smile was permanently gone and that I had allowed people to take my smile away. I’m so thankful to God that I can smile a true smile again. This is truly something to be thankful for.
I’m thankful for the power of prayer. This week has been stressful for me. But there is something about the power of prayer that when you release it to God know that he will always work it out. Even if your prayers are not answered instantly know that God is working it out for your good. I’m thankful that I can go to God in prayer. Pray more and worry less. Prayer is powerful.
I’m thankful that my mom’s surgery went well. I’m thankful that surgery was successful. The thought of losing my mom wouldn’t have been a good one. I truly believe in the power of prayer. My mom was told that the next surgery that she had, she wouldn’t make it. Well God always has the last say so. I’m thankful for the power of prayer and that my mom is on the road to recovery.
I’m thankful for my middle child Antonio. He was born a month early and when I tell you I was scared. We both stayed in the hospital a couple of days longer. He has been my joy. He makes me smile every time I think and talk to him. He is quite and so loving. He’s the one I didn’t have to worry about because he hated to get in trouble. I’m thankful that God allowed you to be my son. You are truly a joy. You have made me more loving and just watching you grow up has brought me so much joy. Son, I know that God has great things in store for you. I’m thankful for you in my life. You encourage me and motivate me. I love you now and forever.
I’m thankful for my oldest son Dominic. He made me a parent at a young age. I could never have imagined the love I would feel and have for this child. I’m thankful for being his mom. I’m thankful for our close relationship. My son makes me laugh, smile and is my sounding board. I’m thankful that God trusted me to be your mom. There is never a dull moment with you. You have always been independent, determined and focused on what you want to do. Words can’t describe how proud of you I am. You have grown to be such an amazing adult. Always know that your mom is here for you always. I love you more than words can say. I’m truly thankful for you.
Sometimes I feel I give you to much
When in the end I feel like you don’t give a fuck
Who was I without you
Was my day joyous or was it blue
I love you maybe too much
But right now it seems like you don’t give a fuck
Who was I without you
Was I happy, joyful and true
Maybe I care about you too much
Or maybe you just don’t give a fuck
Who was I without you
I know I was enough this much is true
Above all else love me when I’m not looking my best
Above all else show me when life puts us to the test
Above all else ride with me when I’m lonely and down
Above all else encourage me when no one else is around
Above all else show me what love looks like
Above all else hold me when I’m afraid and cold at night
Above all else need me as I can never be replaced
Above all else tell me I’m beautiful when it doesn’t show on my face
Above all else be real with me, like I’m real with you
Above all else be yourself and not a fake imitation of you
Above all else shine when it’s dark outside
Above all else remember what’s in your heart is hard to find