Tough conversation:

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I want to have a tough conversation if you will. Why is there still racism? I truly don’t understand why there is so much hate for someone’s skin color. If you paint, draw, or design you just color right? So do you dislike a crayon color? How can you dislike the color of someone’s skin? I’m not my skin color. I’m so much deeper than you can possibly imagine right now. When do we begin to love and stop hating a color? You can dislike an individual be we are not all the same but let we are labeled all the same. Can we have this conversation?

Tomorrow isn’t promised:

Photo by Tammy Mosley on Pexels.com

I watched a funeral yesterday and it broke my heart. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my husband. I don’t know how I would be so calm and okay. I’m not saying that the wife was okay. But you could imagine that she was a peace with the passing of her husband. I know that I have faith but I don’t know if my faith would be strong enough to be at peace with the passing of my husband. I’m not going to sit here and say that my marriage is perfect because it’s not. It will be 11 years this month that I have been married to my husband. And each year get’s better and I appreciate him more than he will ever know. I’ve heard a lot of single people say that marriage looks easy. But honey it’s not, it’s work and the work isn’t easy. What you put into it is what you’re going to get out of it. But right now I can’t imagine a life without him. Sometimes we don’t truly understand how blessed we are until something happens. I make sure to tell my husband that I love him and show him daily. I never want him to question if I love him. Please appreciate what you have because one day they won’t be here. Love like there is no tomorrow.

Let me introduce myself:

Photo by Maria Tyutina on Pexels.com

As I’m sitting here drinking my coffee I thought I have so many new readers I need to let them know who I am. So let me introduce myself to you. My name is Colleen and I’m married with three young adult children. I was born and raised in the Midwest and now live in Texas. I’m the only child that my mom has but the second child that my dad has. Some fun facts about me: 1. I love anything royal and British. Yes, I have binged watched the Crown and Bridgerton. 2. I love 90’s R&B music ( I don’t really care for the music out now) and also love classical music. 3. I love washing dishes it’s very relaxing for me. 4. My favorite flowers are tulips and lilies. 5. I’m a very outgoing person and I’m a feeling person, which means I lead with my feelings all the time ( I’m working on that). 6. I’m an avid reader and I love writing. 7. I love cooking and trying new restaurants. 8. I’m a homebody who likes to travel sometimes. 9. I’m a huge football fan. I love the Pittsburgh Steelers and Texas A&M Aggies college team. I love all football from arena to NFL. 10. I’m a giver. I love giving gifts to people and surprising them.

I hope you have learned a little bit more about me. If there is anything else you would like to know just ask in the comment section.

The little things:

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

Yesterday was hard for me. I was down yesterday. I have to get more medicine for my cyst and I still don’t have a job. But it’s the little things that make me smile. My husband didn’t know that I was feeling down yesterday. But somehow he knew, he came home and said that I had a sack on the table. I didn’t think much of it and he was like your not going to see what’s in your sack on the table? So I got up and to go see what was in this sack on the table that he keeps talking about. My husband got me the most beautiful card and my favorite cranberry orange muffins. He knows that I love the little things and yesterday he made me feel special, loved and appreciated. I’m not saying that he never makes me feel this way, but yesterday I needed to feel it again. I’m truly blessed that my husband loves me enough to do anything to put a smile on my face.

Letting her go and grow:

Photo by Anthony on Pexels.com

Today I took my daughter to get her permit and signed her up for driving class. And one thing that I realize is that I don’t think my daughter is ready to be completely independent on her own. I still have to tell her to clean her room, have you applied for this school and stuff like that. I don’t think she realizes that she is going to have to learn to do things without my help. Yes I’m mom and I will do anything for my kids but I have to let her grow up and learn to be independent on her own. I see now that this part might take some time and I’m okay with that because it’s nice to be needed. But I do have to let her go so she can grow into the women I know that she can be.

Hello me:

Photo by Liz RoMo on Pexels.com

I’m trying to think of the right words to say
To let you know that I’m okay
I’ve had doubts, fear, and pain
I know that my life is not the same
I’m changing and growing to be so much more
To recapture my joy and love once more
When I look in the mirror I don’t see the old me anymore
My life is so much more important then I thought before
Look out world my change is from within
I will regain my smile once again
So to the old me girl, you have got to go
I don’t need you in my life no more
I love my freedom and joy that I’m about to receive
I won’t need to see your face again
So hello new me, I’m glad to meet you
I just want you to know I will do the best that I can for you
No more sad nights it’s going to be a joy for you
So hello new me I’m so glad you’re here it’s going to be joy no more fear

Different friendships:

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

I read some different blogs today that talked about tribes and friendships. And I felt like I had to reexamine who and what I consider a friend and tribe members. I was talking to my husband about this earlier and he asked me how do I pick my tribe and friends. And the answer was so simple to me. My tribe is someone loyal and consistent in my life. And friends are people who I have causal conversations and someone that I don’t tell all my business to. Some friends are fun to be around but when it comes to anything complex they don’t get it or have good advice. I’m picky when it comes to my tribe and not everyone is allowed. Friendships are different because they provide laughs and surface conversations. Friends are light and airy to me, but my tribe is complex and won’t let me have a pity party. They tell it like it is whether I like it or not. I value my tribe and my friendships. Do you have a tribe? What’s the difference between your tribe and friendships?

Worried:

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on Pexels.com

As I woke up this morning, my mind turned to the rain. I love the sound of the rain it’s so calming. But today the rain isn’t so calming because I have to have a mammogram and sonogram on my breast today. Usually, I wouldn’t be worried because I’ve had a mammogram for two years now. But this is different because I’ve been having some pain and my doctor and I have felt something in my breast that needs to be checked out ASAP. So while it’s pouring down raining I have to leave and drive in it with my mind troubled. I know that this to shall pass, but I’m worried. If your reading this please keep me in prayer. Thank you.

Friendships:

Friendships are so important to me. As I’m going through my journey I spoke with a good friend of mines about my situation. I told her that I’m struggling with being a wife. She was silent for a minute and then she asked me if I ever struggled with being a friend to my husband? I said no. Then she asked me if I struggled with being his girlfriend? I said no. And then she said so why is it so hard being his wife? I told her it’s the word wife, it holds so much power and I’m not sure if I can live up to that word. She told me it’s just a word, it doesn’t make or break you. Being yourself and doing what you are supposed to do is what matters. We put some much power in that word and we try to live up to it. I had to ponder that for a while because she was right. I’m trying to live up to the word and not being who my husband fell in love with.
I put to much time trying to be something that I have seen in others when I should have just been myself. I’m learning that me being me is being a wife. I’m following the bible and I’m submitting and doing all of that. But I took my eyes off of my marriage and was trying to live my marriage as I have seen in other marriages. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who is and has struggled in this area. I’m glad to be able to have these types of conversations with other women. I’m learning to understand that being me and making sure my marriage is the best was up to me. I’m very thankful for the friendships that I have because I have strong friendships with women who haven’t turned there back on me when times have gotten hard. I’m blessed to be able to lean on them and gleam from there wisdom. Rich friendships are hard to find. I’m learning to walk on my own path instead of someone else’s path. I’m on a journey to bettering myself.