I’m learning more than ever that I need to protect my peace. I have let people get to me to a point where my peace isn’t protected. As I look back on last week it has been one of the most stressful weeks in a long time. I have been unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted. All while I’m doing the things that I need to do for others. I had to truly ask myself is this stress and anger worth all this? And the answer was no. I honestly never thought my daughter and I would butt heads so much. I’m a very easy-going parent and I feel like maybe that can be the issue. In life, we all have to make decisions that are best for us. And I decide to protect my peace at all costs. We have found ways to compromise but in the end, it’s time for me to be selfish. I’m taking back my peace.
Love is patient love is kind. I’m trying to strive for this in my life. I’m learning that the older that I get the less patience that I have. I feel like I’m kind but I could be kinder. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t use age as an excuse for my impatience because I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. I don’t like being late, I don’t like waiting on other people and if you don’t get it done I will do it for you. WOW okay, I have issues. So this morning my daughter was saying that she needed to wash clothes because she was low. So I took it upon myself to wash some clothes for her this morning. And as I go into her room I decided to start cleaning it up. After pulling clothes that were on her floor in her closet I completely lost it. First of all, I should be taking care of myself, but I never do. Second of all, I have helped her clean her room so many times I can’t even count. And now I’m pissed because I feel like I’m being taken for granted. The only thing that I ask of my daughter is to keep her grades up ( which she does), clean her room and bathroom and help around the house. I don’t ask for much really, but she is grown now. Some may not think 18 is grown but to me your old enough where someone shouldn’t have to keep telling you the same thing over and over again. So I’m done. No more nice mom or as she calls me momma bear. Nice gloves are coming off and we are going to have a nice talk tonight. At some point, you have got to want to do better for yourself. I will help my children and any way possible but you have to help yourself first. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a girl or the last child but I give her to much slack. Not anymore. It’s time to grow up and do better. Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this???
It hurts to see what you have become
A silly little child a restless bum
I watched you grow from a baby to a man
And what I really don’t understand
Is where I went wrong
It troubles me so
You were on the right path
But now I don’t know
I don’t understand why you don’t care so much
Your life is so precious, but you don’t give a fuck
As a mother, it hurts me to see
What your life could have been
But now I watch what your life is to be
Conversations on finding and loving who I am 