The other thing that I want to change is my eating and exercise habits need to change. Yes, I’m a little in size but I need better eating habits. I walk and do some workouts but I want it to be daily and have some type of routine. I want to lead a better lifestyle. Less stress and worry. Do you struggle with eating right and exercise?
My prayer for God to work on me from the inside out was because I wanted to be the best me possible. I have always let my past hold me, hostage because I felt like I was repeating the same type of people. But my problem was that I was trying to compare my past with my future. I had to stop and heal from my past and understand some things about myself. I wanted to be the best version of me possible and I felt like I wasn’t giving my all to any relationship because my guard was too high up. I wanted to get out of my way and out of my feelings and see what my life could look like. And to be honest, since praying that prayer my life has been changing for the better. No, it didn’t happen all at once but it did happen. I’m not done growing and changing but I’m a better person because of this prayer. I have learned a lot about myself and what I felt about me. But more importantly, I have changed how I look and treat my relationships. I’m more invested and have a real sense of joy. Trust me I’m still a work in progress my change is what I needed to move forward with my life. There is nothing wrong with change but change for the right reasons. Change to make you better not to stay or keep someone. My change has made me a lot closer to the people I care the most about.
As the seasons are changing I’m changing also. I have prayed this prayer probably since the beginning of this year that God would change me from the inside out. It’s so easy to change who you are from the outside, but changing who you are from the inside is something completely different. Let me explain why I prayed this prayer. I’m a feeling person and I go off of my feelings a lot. Especially when I’m mad or just don’t want to be bothered. And we all know that going off of your feelings isn’t 100% accurate. I might have felt one way about what someone said or did to me and could be completely wrong about their intentions. But I wouldn’t change my mind based on my feelings. Now don’t get me wrong my feelings have been right a lot of times, but I don’t always want to allow my feelings to guide me. I want to be guided by more than just feelings. I want to love and not have to base it on whether or not you hurt me. I want unconditional love always. I want to be able to know that you mean what you say and not base it off on what I think you should be doing. I’m very selfish when it comes to my feelings because I don’t always give people the benefit of the doubt. I accuse without wanting the full story. I think I know so there for my feelings are correct. But they are not. My prayer is for God to work on me from the inside because I know that I’m more than just my feelings. I know that I want to love, respect, and trust people. I know that there is no perfect person and I shouldn’t act like I’m a judge and juror when it comes to people and their mistakes. I wanted to be able to understand things without my feelings being involved why things are the why they are. I’m growing in ways you just can’t imagine. I will have more on this topic tomorrow.
This three day weekend was definitely what I needed. I did some self-care. I made time for me and made sure that I took care of myself. But there were things that I saw in myself that I need to work on. I have tried to work on me and I have noticed that there are some things in my life where I need to speak to someone about my issues. I know that I can’t do everything on my own no matter how much I try. We all need help in some area of our lives. I have trusted friends to talk to and God but sometimes we need to speak to someone who can dig deeper within us. This is where I am right now. I’m going to seek out counseling. I don’t have all the answers and I know that God placed people on this earth to help us. I’m trying to have a better me daily and so my journey starts.
I’m learning that there are areas in my life where I need to change. But change is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. Trust me I don’t like giving up control so to speak. But there are areas in my life where I need to be vulnerable and how to really trust others. More importantly, I need to not be afraid to give my all in things and people. I noticed that my mood and behavior changes to fit the environment or the people around me. And I need to understand that I control my mood and how I feel not anyone else. This is something that I really need to work on. I see my faults and shortcomings and I have to understand that there are changes that I need to make. I’m committed to improving me.
Yesterday was amazing. I’m blessed to see another day. But now that that’s over with, it’s time to really work on me. Hello, new me, hello new love, new life, and new joy. I’m going to love getting older making wiser decisions and loving life. It’s never too late to change. Hello joy, hello love and goodbye pain. Life can be amazing when you let go of things that are holding you back.
