I always seem to doubt myself when things happen. Well, last Thursday was the last day of work for me. I felt hurt, but at the same time, I knew I needed to move on. This job was great but very overwhelming and not only that there were miscommunication issues. So instead of having a conversation with me, they decided to let me go. So now I’m back to square one. I feel defeated when things like this happen to me. It seems like when things don’t work out how I thought they would I would doubt myself and feel like things are my fault. But having a conversation with the staffing company put so much in perspective for me. Because up until that day they sang my praises, was so happy that I was there but as soon as I have a problem they were ready to let me go. I need to stop doubting myself and just understand that sometimes things that don’t work out are more of a blessing than a burden. I have to change my thinking on these things. Do you doubt when things go wrong or something happens? How do you handle it?

How are you feeling? I mean seriously how are you feeling? 2021 has been a year full of ups and downs. People are dying and recovering from COVID. People are losing and getting jobs. Some people feel like we should and shouldn’t wear face mask. We have so much going on in the world at once that it can become very overwhelming. I’m not gonna lie I’m the type who looks at the news in the morning and when I get off of work and it consumes me. I have to let it go. I’m going to have to limit how much of the news that I watch. I also have to understand that people are going to do what they feel is best for them, but I’m going to continue to wear my mask even though I am fully vaccinated. I have had moments where I was overwhelmed with everything going on to the point where I didn’t know how to feel. My emotions were all over the place. But I needed to step back and look at why I was feeling the way I was. To much information from to many people all at once. I can’t make COVID go away I wish I could. But I can do my part to stay protected. 2020 and 2021 has been full of a lot of ups and downs. But I have to remember we live in a world where things are going to happen. So who and what are you going to put your trust in? My trust will always remain in God. I can only control what I can control. So back to my original question. How are you doing?

My prayer for God to work on me from the inside out was because I wanted to be the best me possible. I have always let my past hold me, hostage because I felt like I was repeating the same type of people. But my problem was that I was trying to compare my past with my future. I had to stop and heal from my past and understand some things about myself. I wanted to be the best version of me possible and I felt like I wasn’t giving my all to any relationship because my guard was too high up. I wanted to get out of my way and out of my feelings and see what my life could look like. And to be honest, since praying that prayer my life has been changing for the better. No, it didn’t happen all at once but it did happen. I’m not done growing and changing but I’m a better person because of this prayer. I have learned a lot about myself and what I felt about me. But more importantly, I have changed how I look and treat my relationships. I’m more invested and have a real sense of joy. Trust me I’m still a work in progress my change is what I needed to move forward with my life. There is nothing wrong with change but change for the right reasons. Change to make you better not to stay or keep someone. My change has made me a lot closer to the people I care the most about.

As the seasons are changing I’m changing also. I have prayed this prayer probably since the beginning of this year that God would change me from the inside out. It’s so easy to change who you are from the outside, but changing who you are from the inside is something completely different. Let me explain why I prayed this prayer. I’m a feeling person and I go off of my feelings a lot. Especially when I’m mad or just don’t want to be bothered. And we all know that going off of your feelings isn’t 100% accurate. I might have felt one way about what someone said or did to me and could be completely wrong about their intentions. But I wouldn’t change my mind based on my feelings. Now don’t get me wrong my feelings have been right a lot of times, but I don’t always want to allow my feelings to guide me. I want to be guided by more than just feelings. I want to love and not have to base it on whether or not you hurt me. I want unconditional love always. I want to be able to know that you mean what you say and not base it off on what I think you should be doing. I’m very selfish when it comes to my feelings because I don’t always give people the benefit of the doubt. I accuse without wanting the full story. I think I know so there for my feelings are correct. But they are not. My prayer is for God to work on me from the inside because I know that I’m more than just my feelings. I know that I want to love, respect, and trust people. I know that there is no perfect person and I shouldn’t act like I’m a judge and juror when it comes to people and their mistakes. I wanted to be able to understand things without my feelings being involved why things are the why they are. I’m growing in ways you just can’t imagine. I will have more on this topic tomorrow.