Thankful: Day 13

I’m thankful for the changes that I’m going through. Right now I’m hurt regarding what has been done to me. I could lash out and be mean and rude. But I choose not to. I know things that I shouldn’t and it hurts when you think that people genuinely cared about you and it turns out that they could care less. To have people lie and not be honest. But I’m healing and releasing my pain in healthy ways. There was a time where I would lash out in unhealthy ways. I learn to pray for people who do me wrong . I’m thankful for these lessons and how I’m growing as a person. I’m thankful for the hard and easy lessons. Thank you.

What I want for my birthday:

So many people have asked me what I want for my birthday. And to be honest I have actually sat down and came up with something that will be a benefit to me and everyone around me. I want something that is going to develop me, help me grow and be a better person. This is my year of personal development, growth, healing and love. For all who know me, you know that I love to journal, read and I’m all about growth. So if you still don’t have a clue as to what I may want, a journal, books, essential oils and whatever else could help my new me that I’m trying to become.

Alone time:

It’s always great to have some alone time every now and then. So my husband and I are having some alone time on this three day weekend. While my husband is away, I’m going to be reading, writing and doing some much-needed work on myself. Well, that was the ideal for this weekend right. Well, something hit me really hard. My husband and I had gone through a difficult time and it put a lot of things in perspective for me. If I don’t get me together (because I’m only responsible for me) then this could be our life. Not being with my husband scares me to death. I know that a lot of people separate when they are married, but how do they do it? I’m missing my husband like crazy. How do you live separate lives and not see or talk to one another? And then another thought crossed my mind, this is what divorce could look like. Well, divorce is not an option for us, but still, time apart puts a lot of things in perspective. My husband gets on my nerves, just like I get on his, but I can’t see my life without him. I feel like if more married couples were apart for a weekend it would put more things in perspective. I’m learning that I need to cherish my husband and our time more. I want a happy, healthy and fun marriage. We both have full-time jobs and we are working on separate projects, but your marriage should come first. I don’t want to ever feel like what I’m feeling right now. I know that we are good. But trust me when you have someone who makes you laugh, makes you think outside the box and loves being with you, you have a keeper. Plus he’s my best friend. So couples have your alone time and come back together refreshed and ready to take your marriage and life to another level.

True Love:

It’s interesting that many people state that you only have one true love in your life. But here’s where I get confused at. If you only get one true love in your life, then why do people marry multiple times? Are we searching for something that’s unattainable? Do we have unrealistic expectations? What’s your definition of true love? Is there such a thing as true love? Honestly, I would say yes to this question. And here’s why. In every season of our life, we become different. One season you may be okay with something and the next season your not. Do you think you can only have one true love, no? And the reason why I say no is because of this. I don’t think God created only one person for us. I believe that there are multiple people for us but only certain ones we meet at certain points in our lives. I have seen widows who have married the love of their lives and their spouse passes away. And they remarry and say that their new spouse is their true love. Can you have more than one true love? I believe it’s possible.
Please let me know what you think about this topic.

Fight for your marriage:

They say that marriage comes in stages. The first stage is the honeymoon. This stage I’m not familiar with. All my friends stated that this stage lasts for 3 years. They state that you’re happy all the time, everything is wonderful and perfect all the time. During the first 3 years of my marriage, we moved from Virginia, Georgia and then to Louisiana. I feel like we didn’t have enough time to bond, to just go on vacations and just have peaceful bliss. We struggled for the first 3 years of our marriage. We argued a lot, we didn’t know how to communicate well. We were both trying to get used to living together and trying to get our personalities to match. So for me, the honeymoon phase didn’t exist in my marriage. But through the years I’ve learned what the honeymoon phase is all about. You don’t have to just have the honeymoon phase just at the beginning of the first 3 years of marriage. When my husband and I got into it last week I was hurt. Not talking to someone that you care about is painful. But when we made up, I can honestly say that I’m experiencing the honeymoon phase. We have talked, laughed and just been carefree since then. I’m learning to live in the moment with my marriage. It took a very low point in my marriage to understand what I’m missing. To some fixing, an issue in your marriage is out of the question. They would rather divorce or separate. But for me, I want to fight till I can’t fight anymore for my marriage. So if you’re like me and have never experienced the honeymoon phase don’t give up it will happen. And anyone thinking about giving up on their marriage, fight for it till you can’t fight for your marriage anymore. Anything worth having takes work. So work on it, I know that I am.

Traveling Alone:

Life has a funny way of showing you that it cares
You’re left all alone with no one there
It gets lonely sometimes when your traveling alone
Nowhere to go no place to call home
I’m trying my best to understand why life has no answers but only lies
I feel disconnected with nowhere to go
I’m traveling alone while searching for a home
I’m left to wonder will I truly understand
What I’m to do without a plan
I’ve traveled as far as this road will go
I’m traveling alone on an empty road

It hurts:

It hurts to see what you have become
A silly little child a restless bum
I watched you grow from a baby to a man
And what I really don’t understand
Is where I went wrong
It troubles me so
You were on the right path
But now I don’t know
I don’t understand why you don’t care so much
Your life is so precious, but you don’t give a fuck
As a mother, it hurts me to see
What your life could have been
But now I watch what your life is to be

My Journey in marriage:

I see so many people laughing and smiling there way through life. And I wonder if the laugh and smile are genuine or are they making everything look good for the world? Well, when I look in the mirror I have to ask myself the same thing. This week was a tough week for me emotionally. My husband and I weren’t talking because we got into an argument last Saturday. So we didn’t talk and it hurt me because I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling. Honestly, I didn’t know how I was feeling. But it hurt because we weren’t communicating. Marriage isn’t easy and I see that a lot of people make it look easy. I’m learning not to say things when I’m emotional. I want to make sure that my words are full of love and respect. We are talking now and have made up. But what I’m trying to say is that my words use to be out of anger and payback. I’m learning to choose my words carefully because words have power. I never want to destroy anyone with my words. So I’m learning to let my words be better. I want to speak life over people. I want my marriage to grow and if you want to grow anything then you must water it and speak life in the situation. You won’t see results right away, but I’m positive that you will see results within a week.