Update:

Hello everyone. I hope you’re having an amazing day today. I want to thank everyone who reached out to check on me. Here’s some things that I have been up too since I last blogged. I have a job that I’m enjoying. I’ve been in training for a like 2 weeks now. I work both from home and office. I have really been having some great conversations with my husband about my needs. I have been reading a lot more. The only writing I have been doing is journaling. I have been working on me and taking time out for me. And Im enjoying life more. Self care is so important and needed. You have to make time for yourself. Im going to try and blog more. I really miss my blogging community.

Happy blog anniversary

What it’s my blog anniversary. I can’t believe I’ve been blogging for this long. I love the platform that I have to tell my story and journey. I’m not going anywhere. Thank you so much to everyone who reads my blogs.

Love over hate:

As 2020 is in full effect what I can’t understand is why we still have hate for one another. We hate someone’s color, we hate people’s hairstyles and we hate other people’s sexual orientation. So much hate in this world. We can cure hate with love. Have you ever stopped to talk to someone who is a different color than you? Have you ever talked with someone who is in a same sex marriage? Have you ever thought why do I hate this person? Why do I hate that they are not like me? Is hate taught? Are we all not lovable? It hurts my heart that people are hated for things like not being social, to thin, too fat, too tall, not light enough, don’t have enough money and other dumb things. I may not like certain things about people but what I won’t do is talk down about them and make them feel less than. We are all in this world trying to figure out life. We need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why do I hate people? Is it them or is something else going on within me? I pray that one day we will get over ourselves and start loving ourselves and love other people. So please stop the hate and start to love. Love over hate.

Will you survive?:

I’ve been reading several posts regarding will my relationship last after the coronavirus. And it makes me sad because why would your relationship not last? Have you ever thought about your relationship not lasting if things were fine in the world? Maybe you thought so but the other person didn’t. Maybe you were putting on that your relationship was all good and now you’re seeing that your relationship wasn’t. Maybe we shouldn’t be looking at our relationship but on ourselves. What are you doing to make the relationship better? What are you doing to make it worse? Are you doing your best to love yourself? Are you happy with yourself regardless of the relationship? To be honest I’m working on myself and loving myself in ways that I didn’t know was possible. And in return, I will make my marriage better. So the question isn’t will your relationship survive but will you survive to do things the same way and getting the same results? When are you going to do better for you?

Ending this chapter:

I’m about to do the hardest thing I ever had to do. I’m closing the chapter on someone who I love my dad. I have forgiven him for all the hurt and disappointments, but it’s time to close this chapter in my life. I don’t think my heart can take it anymore. As much as I love my dad and want a relationship with him I think it’s better to close this chapter of my life. At some point, you have to acknowledge that the other person matters to you and you want them in your life. I don’t get that at all. At some point, you have to care about yourself enough to close the chapter and move on. Maybe one day that person will change and show you that you are important and that they care, but until then the chapter needs to end. So today I’m ending that chapter. With tears in my eyes I know it’s the right thing to do. Life is to short not to care about myself. Have you ever closed a chapter in your life?

Daddy issues: Part 2

I believe that my daddy issues also had something to do with the relationships that I got into with men. I didn’t always pick the best men to date. I wanted the bad boy, someone reckless but that wasn’t as exciting as I thought. That ended up being my first experience with physical abuse. All my relationships were extremely different from each other. I guess I was looking for my type our someone that I thought was like my dad’s style. But then I was just looking for someone to love me and let me tell you, you can’t have anyone love you until you love yourself. That was a very hard and long lesson to learn. I married someone totally opposite of my dad. Someone who has stuck with me through some pretty hard and emotional times. I always wanted someone true and genuine who would love all my flaws and imperfections. And I have found him. Do I still have daddy issues yes, but I’m not looking for something that’s not reachable and mutual?

My relationship with God:

I woke up early this morning because there was a lot on my mind. My relationship with God is not where I want it to be. It’s not because of God but because of me. I use to have a great relationship with God and somewhere along the way, I stopped. I mean I pray but sometimes my prayers are just prayers out of obligation. Something that I’m supposed to do. I only really pray when I’m going through something. I use to read my bible daily I don’t anymore. I read devotionals on my bible app. I feel like I’m a million miles away from God. I don’t know why I stopped trusting in him. I don’t know why I have distanced myself from him. But I feel this longing to be close to God again. I feel this longing to rest in his arms again. I’m not a perfect person and I never claim to be. But this is something that I’m truly longing for. I can’t blame anyone for my relationship with God but myself. I’m trying to get me together and grow my relationship with God. I long for the father and I know that he has never left me but I who has left him.

Love:

It amazes me how much people love Valentine’s Day. They call this the day of love. But to be honest, the day of love should be every day and not just one day. We should love our spouse daily. We need to show love and appreciation daily. Spending tons of money and buying gifts shouldn’t be a one-day occurrence. What about when she is sad? You can give her the gift of a hug. What about date night? Don’t let February 14th be the only day that you show love to your spouse. We need to be more attentive to one another.

The little things:

Yesterday was hard for me. I was down yesterday. I have to get more medicine for my cyst and I still don’t have a job. But it’s the little things that make me smile. My husband didn’t know that I was feeling down yesterday. But somehow he knew, he came home and said that I had a sack on the table. I didn’t think much of it and he was like your not going to see what’s in your sack on the table? So I got up and to go see what was in this sack on the table that he keeps talking about. My husband got me the most beautiful card and my favorite cranberry orange muffins. He knows that I love the little things and yesterday he made me feel special, loved and appreciated. I’m not saying that he never makes me feel this way, but yesterday I needed to feel it again. I’m truly blessed that my husband loves me enough to do anything to put a smile on my face.