Breathe:

As I’ve been working on myself there is one thing that I’ve always wanted to try. I’ve heard people talk about meditation. I’ve tried it like for a couple of days but was to busy to continue. And the more I have read about it and all the benefits that it has. Well, I’m going to try it and stick with it. Since I left work I feel a lot calmer, happier and all-around relaxed. I’m doing more around the house and loving it. Usually, I would complain about all there is to do around the house but right now I enjoy it. Something about being able to breathe again just feels good. So I’m going to start meditating and see how it helps me be a better me. Does anyone meditate? Any tips?

Worried:

As a mother, I only want the best for my children, but sometimes there are things out of my control. Since last year my daughter has been having really bad headaches. They thought it was her optic nerves in her eye. But it’s not. So today we are going to get a CT scan of her brain. For a mom, this is very scary not knowing what’s causing my daughter headaches. I don’t like to see my daughter down and not knowing how to help just makes me feel bad. I know that God is in control and that we will find out what’s going on. But I’m still worried.

Need to get this off my chest:

Okay, I feel like I need to get this off of my chest. I feel like I blogged about this before, but I feel like it needs to be stated again. I don’t understand why we have to talk about and discourage women who forgive their husband when he cheats. I’ve never dealt with cheating in my marriage, but I’m sorry when it comes to someone else and their marriage we need to let them handle it. Now don’t get me wrong if there is physically abuse then yes please leave. But we have all this advice for someone when it comes to them and their marriage, but what about yours? Where is your forgiveness? Where is your compassion? You don’t know what has happened in their relationship. If someone isn’t asking for your advice please keep your comments to yourself if this is what someone wants to do. Like I said I’ve never experienced cheating in my marriage but I know how hard marriage is and the work it takes. We should be encouraging and supporting marriages not trying to destroy marriages. Like I said just wanted to get this off of my chest.

Goals:

The year 2020 is fast approaching and I have decided to change the way I look at the new year. People make New Year resolutions and some stick to them while others don’t. Well, this year I decided to work on somethings in my life that are very important to me.

Marriage- I love being married and I want to strengthen my marriage. So many people give up on marriage because it’s not how they want it. But being married to your best friend is the greatest thing in the world. I want my marriage healthy and successful.
Family- I love my family and I need to be more intentional about spending time with them. I need to call more and make sure I check on everyone.
Happiness- I going to make sure that my happiness is a priority this year. I’m always putting me last and well this year I’m not going to be last. My happiness is very important to me.
Love- I love to love and I’m going to express and show it more. Just saying you love someone isn’t always enough in my opinion.
Life- I’m going to enjoy life more. I feel like sometimes I’m concentrating on things that don’t even matter. I’m going to take time out to smell the roses more.

These are the areas of importance to me for the rest of 2019 into 2020. I want to focus on what’s important to me then making unrealistic goals. What are your 2020 goals?

Ready for change:

Change, this word has been a hard one for me. We all need to change, but change is hard and has been hard for me. I have always felt like I needed to change for others. But in all honesty, I need to change for myself. This weekend has been one of the best weekends that I’ve had in a while. I love the conversations that my husband and I had this weekend. Yes, we conversate but something about this weekend’s conversation was eye-opening. I loved the fact that I was affirmed when I felt weak. I love that we just laughed and had such a great time. My change has to come because I feel like I can be very judgmental and nonunderstanding. I have felt like people didn’t care about me and what I needed and wanted. Which was not the case at all. See as I keep saying I’m a surface talker and I don’t like to go deep. But deep is where I need to go, because deep is where I’m growing. I had to take a hard look at myself and say either you’re going to change to better yourself or you are going to stay the same and keep going through your storms. I create a lot of my storms because I feel like I don’t want to let people know what’s going on with me. But why? If I’m close to people what am I worried about? Maybe the fact that they don’t want to hear what I have to say. Maybe they will just brush me off. Maybe I’m just scared of honesty. Maybe I’m scared that people will care and be understanding. But one thing is for sure. Change is good. And I’m all about it. I know what I want and I’m going to change my attitude, my outlook on life and the way I conversate with people. I’m changing to grow and let go of this unwanted fear that I have. Are you ready to change? How are you changing?

I'm learning:

I’m learning to do things differently in my life. Yesterday I got mad at my husband and the old me would have been mad all day. But instead, I let it go and had an amazing day with my husband. But I’m learning to move on and let things go. And the reason why I was mad was so stupid anyway. I’m learning what is important and what isn’t. I’m learning to get over my emotions because I’m an emotional being. Time to let some things go. I’m learning this lesson and many more.

Happiness:

I’m learning to create my happiness. And today has been an amazing day so far. I’m learning that not everything needs to be done right away and not everything has to be a rush. Just laying in bed and enjoying the extra time doing nothing. Laying next to my husband and enjoying our pillow talk. Not caring about time and just enjoying my time with the people around me. That’s what my day is all about today just enjoying my time and creating my happiness. I’m loving the idea of just seeing how not being on a schedule or meeting the demands of others will help me slow down and enjoy this life more. How do you create your happiness?

Your enough:

As a woman, I felt so overwhelmed that I was not good enough. I have never been jealous of women, but lately, I’ve been feeling like why is there so much demand for looking perfect? I’m not perfect in no way. I have always struggled with my body. If you know me you know that I have always been thin and tall. Society makes you feel like you have to have the perfect body to be able to have a great life. Well, that is a lie because every woman that I know is struggling with their body type. Why can’t women just be loved for who they are? Men can walk around with beer bellies, receding hairline and whatever else. No one makes them feel bad about there bodies. But women have to look and be perfect all the time? I say why? I’m going to be me and do me. No more shame in my body, no more shame for other women’s bodies. Love yourself and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your body. You know whether you need to lose weight, exercise or whatever. Love you and make sure you are good.

Bring back those loving feelings:

This year things have been hard and exciting. But one thing that I want to get back right is my marriage. I feel like I have lost that loving feeling. Meaning that I’m just going through the motions. I have said this before that I don’t know how to be a wife. That shouldn’t be an excuse right? Well, trust me it’s not. I’m a good friend and I have my husband back, but being a wife. Well to me what does that mean? Well, I’m about to find out. And not only that but I want to bring back the feelings that I once had for him. How am I going to do that? Well, I’m going back to the beginning and how we got together and what made me fall for him. I know that I can do it. So I’m ready to do this. I don’t have all the answers but I’m going to figure it out to have the best marriage ever.

Taking me back:

As I look back on this year one thing is true. I didn’t give my all this year. I made a lot of excuses and I failed in a lot of areas. One thing is for sure I keep doing the same thing expecting to get different results. Why is that? Well, I can tell you that from now into 2020 things are about to change with me. I’ve noticed that I give a lot of time and attention to people and things that I shouldn’t. I’m tired of being the friend who reaches out and checks on you while you don’t do the same for me. I’m tired of listening to your problems when you are not there for me when I have problems. I’m not going to ignore this drive that I have to be a better me. I’m not putting me last anymore so that I can make time for people who don’t do the same for me. I’m taking me back. I’m loving me more, having time to myself more. I’m going to write those books that I’ve been putting off. I’m going to go where God leads me. I’m going to say no a lot more from now on. Don’t get me wrong my circle is super small now. I know who will be there for me no matter what. The older that I get the more I notice how people will change. Change is not a bad thing trust me, we are here for people for a season. And maybe your season is up. I’m done neglecting myself to help someone else. I’ve never been a selfish person but I do need to be to save my peace. I’m taking me back and I’m going to be the best version of myself as possible.