I almost forgot what it was like to let myself go and let someone love me. I don’t like getting to close to people in fear of getting hurt. But when someone hurts me I start to close up. But I had to remember we all need grace when things happen. Just because someone hurt me doesn’t mean that it was intentional. I have learned to release the hurt that others have put on me and enjoy life. I was pushing so many people away because of what others had done. But I have stopped and let love come my way. I’m tired of being held back by past hurts. I’m letting love guide me for now on. I’m letting others show me, love, in ways I never knew that I needed. I have been feeling so much love lately that I’m running over. I love this feeling. And yes I know that love is a feeling but this feeling I don’t want to ever go away. I feel like my life is on the right path.
I’m learning that writing is a marathon and not a sprint. I love all the feedback that I have gotten from my book so far. One thing that I didn’t realize is that people want more. They can tell where I was holding back and they want me to not hold back in this book. They also want more information about things. I’m happy with all the feedback and I didn’t expect people to want more from this book. I see now that I’m going to have to go deeper and open up more. For anyone who has ever written a book, what I thought was easy is not. For all the authors out there I have nothing but respect for you when it comes to writing. I may not like every book that I read but I know when an author was genuine about there story and when they are not. Like I said I thought that I had a date where I wanted everything completed, but I’m going to go with the flow and not rush. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. It took a friend of mines three years to get her book out. So I’m going to take my time and write this book.
I’m sitting here waiting for the storms to come today. We are supposed to get some pretty heavy rain and thunderstorms this afternoon. But one thing that popped in my head is we know when the weather is going to be different. We see it on the news, we smell the rain and see the sky changing. But why don’t we see the storms coming in our own lives? What can’t we see that we should be seeing? I can’t go outside and see the sun shining but there is a storm brewing in my own life. I might feel different but not sure of what is about to happen. Why are some things so easy to predict when other things are not so easy? But I had to stop to ask myself is the reason we don’t see the storm coming because we don’t want to or are we in denial? I know when things in my life aren’t right but there are times I honestly don’t see the storm coming. Maybe I don’t want to face anything else at that time or maybe I don’t truly see it. Is it easy for you to spot storms coming in your life?
Your kids can teach you so much. As I was talking with my daughter the other day I noticed that her planner was highlighted in different colors. I asked her about it and she told me each class is colored coded in a different color. And that she knows when homework is due when quizzes are supposed to be taken, etc. I’m like interesting, my college daughter has her classes and things that she needs to get done planned out already. I set goals but planning things I just don’t really do. If I want to get something done I usually will that day or the next. But what I have learned is if I don’t plan things out I might not accomplish the important things. With my book I kinda have things planned out but not like I really want to. So I am determined this week to get up to chapter 5 out for people to read and give me feedback. After that, I will make a goal for the next chapters and so forth. It makes it easier to stay on task and to know what you need to accomplish that day. So now I’m planning each week what I would like to accomplish and if it doesn’t get done I won’t beat myself up about it. I will just add it to next week’s list of things to do.
I love reading about other people’s journeys to get where they are at. This book took multiple peoples stories and helped us to see that without God the empty spaces will stay empty. It was a reminder to me that God wants a relationship with me. He wants me to always put him first. There is no obstacles I can’t overcome without him. This book is a beautiful collection of stories about how people put God first.
This three day weekend was definitely what I needed. I did some self-care. I made time for me and made sure that I took care of myself. But there were things that I saw in myself that I need to work on. I have tried to work on me and I have noticed that there are some things in my life where I need to speak to someone about my issues. I know that I can’t do everything on my own no matter how much I try. We all need help in some area of our lives. I have trusted friends to talk to and God but sometimes we need to speak to someone who can dig deeper within us. This is where I am right now. I’m going to seek out counseling. I don’t have all the answers and I know that God placed people on this earth to help us. I’m trying to have a better me daily and so my journey starts.
I realized that I have let my self-care go. I have been trying to make sure everyone else is getting what they need and are okay. But I just don’t seem to take care of myself enough. I have let me go for the sake of others. How often we forget our selves for the ones that we love. But we need to stop forgetting about ourselves. If we are not recharging then what can we offer someone else when we are on empty ourselves? It’s been hard but I’ve been operating on empty for too long. I have noticed that my peace and happiness I simply can’t give because I’m empty. I need to recharge and focus on myself. I’m working on me one day at a time for now on.
Well, I’m happy to report that I have 6 people who will be reading a part of my rough draft. I will be sending this out this week. I’m excited and nervous to see what they will have to say. But the more I write the more I feel good about it. I feel like this is a huge step for me. I still have more chapters to write but I feel like this is a good step in the right direction.
This week has been truly exhausting. I have been having chest pains due to stress and headaches. I have tried my best to not let people take my peace. But this week was a hell-storm full of emotions and let downs. I was so stressed out that I wasn’t concerned about my health. Then I had to think about it. If I was dead would anyone else have been concerned about my health? I doubt it. When you are caught up in a sea of emotions people just don’t realize what your going through. I’m taking a step back and working on me. I’m not going to worry about others because any change has to come from me. I can’t change other people. But maybe getting me together will help them see the changes that they need to make. I’m going to stop letting people destroy and disrupt my peace.
I don’t know about you but when I’m looking for someone to date their are certain things that I look for or smell for. When I met my husband the one thing that caught my attention was how good he smelled. If you know me then you know that I absolutely love a man who smells good. This is a huge turn on for me. And the other thing that I noticed about him is that for some reason he was just confident not cocky. Well when I started a friendship with my husband he didn’t think he was confident but trust me he was. There are things about people that make me notice or take a second glance. Yes he is fine that is obvious but looks don’t mean that you will treat someone right. He was just a all around great person. So what made you take a second look or become interested in your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?