If it was easy:

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It’s always nice to see people get engaged and prepare for the wedding day. I remember getting engaged and working on the wedding. It was an exciting time, but also a stressful time. It’s magical when the day comes but what about the days after? We concentrate so much on that one day that we forget about the rest of the days after. Yes, it’s nice to have a day all about you two, but honestly, every day is going to be about you two. There will be days when one gives more than the other. There will be days when you are wanting your spouse to understand where you are coming from but there busy. Everything is going to start becoming more important than you two. Why is that? Well, you stop making the time to spend with one another. You stopped taking the time to care for one another. That one magical day now looks like you have made a mistake because the person you married is so different now. What happened to my spouse? Where did things begin to change? You use to have so much fun. I heard people say these things so many times. Nothing happened to your spouse, you two just made other things more important. Now your marriage doesn’t look like what you envisioned as a little girl. No, now your marriage looks like real life. Not some perfect picture on Instagram. Your marriage is now a hot mess and you don’t even know where to begin. Well, honestly people need to get back to the foundation of their marriage. How about talking about things that are bothering them and being honest about them? Not mean and harsh but let the truth and tears flow. It’s so easy to give up and quit. But it’s harder to stay and say I want this to work. We are flawed humans and if we don’t know how you feeling then it’s business as usual. But just like you put in time and effort on the things that you like and enjoy. How about putting that same effort into your marriage? You can’t expect a garden to grow if you don’t plant the seeds and water them. You can’t expect your marriage to grow if you’re not taking care of it either. So before you think marriage is easy and anyone can do it, how about you look past the wedding day and ask yourself how can you make this better past the wedding day.

Keep your head up:

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No matter what you are going through never give up. Keep pushing and know that you are going to have an awesome outcome. So many people are going through things and it’s so easy to want to give up. But keep going. This is my pep talk daily. No matter what please keep your head up and keep going. You are stronger than you know. You are doing awesome just know that trouble doesn’t last always.

No longer strong:

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My heart goes out to the Stephen Boss family. How do strong people stay strong for everyone else? I have struggled with this same question so many times. Everyone comes to me for everything but there is no one to share my heart with? It’s a battle and struggle that I have dealt with for years. But I continue to be strong during my struggles. But not anymore because strong people need people as well. I’ve gotten so wrapped up in being there for others that at times I forget to be there for myself. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. There are moments and times when I don’t want to hear anyone else’s problems. But how can I be there for others but when it’s my time to need someone and have no one in return? It’s a hard pill to swallow at times. I have always had a big heart and will do anything for family and friends. But there needs to be a balance that is happening with me. I have found my balance to give myself time and space to focus on myself. Strong people are only as strong as the people who we have around us. Who is lifting up or even checking on the strong people that they know? Why are the strong people suffering in silence? Why are we lacking in having someone there for us? My mental health is more important now than it use to be. I have backed away from doing so much for other people. My focus is on myself. You can’t give others what you don’t have. And I have been operating on E for way too long. Strong people stop helping everyone and take a minute to work on yourself. Love yourself more and build yourself up. We are few and we want to be there for everyone but we can’t. We need to be there for ourselves before we can give to the world. Twitch death has taught me so much. He was a positive and always happy person, but behind it, all was so much going on. I have worn a mask for so many years, but the mask is off. What you see is what you get from me. Strong people let other people know that they need time to heal themselves. Let them know that you need to talk. Not everyone is going to be your safe space. Strong people, it’s okay not to be strong all the time.


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I still haven’t completely healed from my grandpa passing away. And now my great uncle who was like a second dad to me has passed away. His death hit me so hard that I didn’t have any more tears left that day. I know that everyone has lost someone that they truly care about, but how to heal from the grief is hard. I have lost people in my family that this grief didn’t hit as hard, but when you are close to someone it makes it that much harder. This pain that I’m feeling is a different kind of pain that I felt with my grandpa. I felt like I was getting to a point where I was okay and now this has happened. I feel like maybe I don’t know how to deal with grief. Maybe I just stuff my emotions down and deal with them when I’m ready. I know that going to his funeral is going to be hard. I have cried and screamed but the pain of losing someone hurts like crazy. I know that he isn’t in any pain anymore and it would have been selfish of me to want him to stay around a little longer. But I know going back home and not being able to see him is going to hurt. Going to his house is going to probably bring me to my knees. It’s been a year since I have been back home and that’s the last time that I saw my great uncle. I’m thankful that we talked all the time and he knew how much I cared about him. I pray that I will find a healthy way to deal with my grief. Keeping busy doesn’t always work but it does take my mind off of it for a while. It’s always hard saying goodbye to the people that you love the most.

Good morning:

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Happy Monday everyone. I hope everyone’s weekend was amazing. As I’m sitting here listening to the rain, I’m starting to realize how much I needed boundaries in my life. I’m thankful for all that I have learned up until now and I won’t be going back to the old me. I laugh more, I’m more intentional with my time and I make sure that I check in on myself daily. No longer are the days that I felt like everyone else should come before me. I’m more relaxed and I wake up with such joy more now. I have let go of some things and slowly working on letting go of other things in my life. I like who I’m becoming and how I’m able to say no or I just don’t want to without guilt. I have found myself wanting to write more. I have found myself just enjoying this space that I’m in. This isn’t an overnight process and I have tons of work to do, but I’m not going to stop this time. I have made so many necessary steps to my happiness. No turning back now.

Tough conversation:

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I want to have a tough conversation if you will. Why is there still racism? I truly don’t understand why there is so much hate for someone’s skin color. If you paint, draw, or design you just color right? So do you dislike a crayon color? How can you dislike the color of someone’s skin? I’m not my skin color. I’m so much deeper than you can possibly imagine right now. When do we begin to love and stop hating a color? You can dislike an individual be we are not all the same but let we are labeled all the same. Can we have this conversation?

Open doors, closed doors:

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Sometimes you think you have found the one. Whether it be a job, relationship, house, or whatever. And then something happens that the door closes to that opportunity. Well, that is what happened to me with the job that I had. I now know that even though you think something is right for you it may not be. Always go with your gut instinct because it may be right. I’m happy for closed doors but happier for open doors. I have interviews this week and I know that I will get the right job for me. I feel like so many people are hiring and they are not ready for the new people who come in which is okay. But if the higher-ups have an attitude with you about it well that’s not your fault. Things should be handled and taken care of before the new people get there. Just because it seems like a good fit doesn’t mean it always is. There is something out there for everyone. Whatever you’re looking for whether it’s a job, house, relationship, or whether I hope the right door opens up for you this week. And everything that you are not meant to have because it’s not good for you closes as well.