I watched a funeral yesterday and it broke my heart. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my husband. I don’t know how I would be so calm and okay. I’m not saying that the wife was okay. But you could imagine that she was a peace with the passing of her husband. I know that I have faith but I don’t know if my faith would be strong enough to be at peace with the passing of my husband. I’m not going to sit here and say that my marriage is perfect because it’s not. It will be 11 years this month that I have been married to my husband. And each year get’s better and I appreciate him more than he will ever know. I’ve heard a lot of single people say that marriage looks easy. But honey it’s not, it’s work and the work isn’t easy. What you put into it is what you’re going to get out of it. But right now I can’t imagine a life without him. Sometimes we don’t truly understand how blessed we are until something happens. I make sure to tell my husband that I love him and show him daily. I never want him to question if I love him. Please appreciate what you have because one day they won’t be here. Love like there is no tomorrow.
As you all know I love to journal daily if possible. But while reading this book that I will review soon I promise. I noticed that I don’t write my gratitude in this journal. I write my prayers but I won’t mention what I’m grateful for. I mean I remember doing it a while back but never kept it up. So I started all over again about being grateful. I noticed that when I wrote what I’m grateful for it made me feel good. I’m not talking about just material things I’m talking about health, love, friends, and family. I didn’t realize how much that I have to be grateful for and how much I took this for granted. It felt so refreshing to not even have to think about what you’re grateful for. So for all those who journal or maybe not journal do you write what you’re grateful for?
How are you feeling? I mean seriously how are you feeling? 2021 has been a year full of ups and downs. People are dying and recovering from COVID. People are losing and getting jobs. Some people feel like we should and shouldn’t wear face mask. We have so much going on in the world at once that it can become very overwhelming. I’m not gonna lie I’m the type who looks at the news in the morning and when I get off of work and it consumes me. I have to let it go. I’m going to have to limit how much of the news that I watch. I also have to understand that people are going to do what they feel is best for them, but I’m going to continue to wear my mask even though I am fully vaccinated. I have had moments where I was overwhelmed with everything going on to the point where I didn’t know how to feel. My emotions were all over the place. But I needed to step back and look at why I was feeling the way I was. To much information from to many people all at once. I can’t make COVID go away I wish I could. But I can do my part to stay protected. 2020 and 2021 has been full of a lot of ups and downs. But I have to remember we live in a world where things are going to happen. So who and what are you going to put your trust in? My trust will always remain in God. I can only control what I can control. So back to my original question. How are you doing?
I enjoy my new job so far. Well, I wouldn’t say it’s new I’ve been here for a while. I’m still learning and training. But something rubbed me the wrong way at work. It’s interesting that when your learning a new job people will praise you for how quickly you are catching on or how well you are doing. But as soon as you make a mistake they can make you feel like shit. Well, this happens to me last week. And the crazy part about it was that the same person who was giving me shit about it made a mistake and no one made her feel like shit. We are all going to make mistakes and the purpose is to learn from them. But when we go as far as to make someone feel low well that’s a level I would never want anyone else to feel. Why do we do that? Why didn’t anyone make her feel bad when she made a huge mistake? Maybe because we were giving her grace. What happened to cutting someone some slack? What happened to being able to come to someone with respect? I feel like it’s so easy to criticize someone through email. I was hurt not gonna lie and it made me even doubt the job that I was doing. But when you are still new you’re going to make mistakes. You could be with a company for 30 years and you’re still going to make mistakes. At that moment it taught me to not doubt myself and not to let people get to me. I’m not perfect but when people walk around like they are well. I needed to speak better to myself that day. And going forward I will.
I don’t know about you but I want to think and dream differently. I’m reading a book which I will review shortly that has changed my way of thinking. I have doubts just like anyone else, but why do I let those doubts get the best of me? It’s time to rethink my thinking. It’s time to see myself as the best version of myself. It’s time for me to think about what I can be and do without doubts and fears. Not only that but last year I use to mediate and it really helped me to focus on things that matter. Well, I got away from that but I will be getting back to it. It made my day so much better. But I thought about how I talk to myself during the day and my language to myself isn’t always positive and helpful. I need to speak better to myself. I need to really get some good affirmations going with myself. I need to speak better over myself. If I can encourage others and speak better to them than to myself something is wrong. I need to change my whole conversation with myself. I have heard people who look in the mirror and speak positive things to themselves and I use to think that was weird. But not anymore. Self-love is the best love. It’s time for some changes in a better direction for me. I hope you speak love over yourself today.
I had a much needed self-care day on Saturday. I truly feel refreshed and motivated. I was able to finish a book, work on my book and just relax. I do so much for my family that I forgot about me. I don’t take care of me. I’m making this a monthly thing. No more excuses about not making me #1. My health and mental state are important.
What can I say about this book besides it was so good. I’m a huge Harlan Coben fan. Okay so this book is about a student turned professor who fell in love with a woman he met at a retreat. They have this crazy summer love fling and then she ends the relationship. He gets an invitation to her wedding but can’t believe she is marrying someone else. She makes him promise her on her wedding day to not look for her. Six years later he sees her husband’s obituary and he has fulfilled his promise. But Natalie is missing and the guy she was married to had another wife and kids. So what happened to Natalie? And why is Jake breaking the promise to leave her alone? Will love really make you go further than you thought you should? Is it worth getting kidnapped and shot at? Well you tell me? This book seriously kept me on my toes.
I’m committed to being a better and healthier me. That’s why this Saturday I’ve sent some goals for myself. I’m doing some much needed self-care. I’ve been writing again and taking the time to make my goals a reality again. I’m going to write, read and relax this Saturday. I’ve taken so much time to do for others, it’s now me time. So I hope everyone enjoys today.
I have neglected myself for about a couple of months. I’m worn out mentally and emotionally. I haven’t had me time in awhile and it has been affecting me. I don’t quite feel myself. I need time to recharge and just regroup. I’m always focused and worried about everyone that I’m falling apart. I hope everyone reading this will take time for yourself. We all need me time.
We all want that perfect love story. A happy ever after. But what if you’re love story looks like stress and mess? What if you’re spouse works every last nerve you have? Is there a perfect love story? What if you grew up in a home where there was divorce. And you never witness there love story? What if you try to model from your friends there love story? Would that work? Probably not because you’re not them. I have often wonder what a perfect love story would look like for me. But the more I dream it the less I can see it. Im a flawed women married to a flawed man. Lord knows there are things that I wish I could change about him. And I’m quite sure there are things he wished he could change about me. I have heard people say is a love story really worth it? I would like to say it is. But who am I? I haven’t even written my love story. Maybe they don’t exist but one could hope. Maybe some stories are not worth writing. Maybe some stories not worth telling. Maybe love is just meant to be kept inside. I don’t know. Maybe one day I will have a love story to tell.