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November is the month where people share what they are grateful for. So many times we feel like if we had more, or if we only had this we would be more grateful. To me, gratitude should be more than about stuff. But sometimes the things that you have to make you grateful. I’m very grateful for my husband. Through my unemployment and finding a job and losing that job, he has been a source of encouragement for me. He hasn’t made me feel bad about not having a job. He has actually helped me with being a better me. He bought me a book that has helped me with my healing and learning to let go of my past. He has made it clear that a job doesn’t define me as a person. When I have been at my lowest and most stressed out he has been there to lift me up. I love that no matter what he is there. I’m very grateful to him. Through this pandemic, so many people have divorced and separated, but we have gotten closer. Marriage is not a bed of roses but it can be beautiful if you have someone who is willing to be there for you through it all.

Why wait:

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Why do we wait until Jan 1st to set new goals? Why don’t we make new goals now? I’m determined to make new goals and new habits this month. I have been looking back on how I do things and I need to make some necessary changes in my life. I have been doing the same things waiting to get different results. That’s not going to work anymore. If I want to get more writing done then I need to set aside some time to make that happen. I should not be so consumed with the things that I don’t have and instead be happy with the things that I do have. I can’t keep doing things the same anymore. I need to look at things differently and make some changes. I have tons of things to be grateful for. But I also have a ton of things that I need to concentrate on more. If you have things in your life that you want to change and do better at. Don’t wait till the beginning of the year to do them. Make the changes now.

Happy Monday:

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Good morning,
It’s a new month and a new day. It’s time to have a new focus and goals. I want to make the most out of this month. I’m challenging myself to think outside the box. I’m going to create new and better habits. I’m going to be more intentional with my time. I hope you all have a great day and do things that make you happy.

Book review:

When I tell you that this book is everything, this book is everything. There were a few stories that I could relate to. This book is very eye-opening to what people are dealing with in secret. I truly loved this book. It made me cry and mad that people have to go through all types of trauma and racial disparities. This book should be a must-read for everyone. If you don’t feel something after reading this book then you’re not human. This is a book that you have to read slow and digest everything that is being said.

Let me just say:

That title alone means a lot to me. Let me just say you don’t know how much you have to unpack, until you start writing. I’m telling you this process that I’m on. I’m not sure if it’s just for me to heal or something that would be beneficial for everyone. When I tell you you have to unpack your own stuff and deal with it first. I feel like preaching now. If you don’t get anything from this post get this. The work starts with you first.

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At peace:

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I’ve been going through a lot lately. I’m still on the job hunt, what happened to my son, and just trying to be okay with not being okay. I had a long good ugly cry. I just let it all out and I felt so much better. I can’t keep stressing over things. I just have to let some things go. I don’t want to always be full of stress. I have to let go and let God. I can only control what I can control. I can’t make people hire me and I can’t make people treat my children with respect. I have to just pray about it and leave it in God’s hands. I’m at peace though and that’s a good thing. It’s been a while since I have been at peace.

This conversation matters:

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I told my story about my son to have a conversation and just make people aware that this is still happening. A lady sent me an email. I asked her if I could share her story and she said yes. I won’t post her name or the email because it’s private. She told me in an email about her story. At first, I’m not gonna lie it made me mad because I could never do or get away with what she was saying. So let me tell you some of her story. This lady comes from wealth and she has never had an issue with the police or people of color. She states that her cleaning service is people of color. But then she goes on to tell me that one of her sons had started acting out in middle school. And she just felt like boys will be boys. So one day the police comes to her house because her son was caught smoking a joint. He was giving a good talking to brought home by the police. The police state that he’s a good kid just being a curious boy that’s all. The lady then states as her son got older the more trouble he got into. In college, he was arrested for domestic violence and was taken to jail. Of course, the matter was handled privately and the girl retracted her story. To make a long story short this lady and her husband have spent more money than necessary to keep their son out of jail. But in the end, you can only do so much as a parent. She goes on to state that she got tired of trying to protect the family imagine and not be embarrassed by her son. Her son is now in jail and after hearing my story about my son she realizes her privilege. My son has never been in trouble and now this incident happened. It hurt me to hear that even though her son did some things that my son would have been in jail for, for years. It made me realize that as a nation we have to do better. If you commit a crime it’s doesn’t matter how much money you have. You need to do time. We allow criminals of all races to roam the streets, but if I was wealthy this conversation would have never been had. I asked her what was she teaching her child at that moment? That no matter what you did mom and dad would bail you out? She told me she never thought about that until it was too late. It’s never too late to teach a child the differences between right and wrong. No matter your financial status. She told me that she has gone on to help others that have done no wrong and were convicted because of color. I told her I’m happy to hear that but we need more people to stand up for change. This world is not one color and we all need to do a better job of being fair across the board. I have heard so many stories like this that it has made me sick to my stomach. One day change will come but we have to start now.

In my thoughts:

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As I have taken the time to cool off because my son is okay. Do I have to wonder why there is so much fear? Again I will ask this question does the color of my skin make me a threat? I watched the news this morning and they were talking about race crimes were high in 2020 and now in 2021. With Black and Asian crimes the highest. I didn’t grow up treating people differently because of their color. I have friends of all races. I was never taught that I wasn’t good enough because of my color. I was always taught to treat others the way you want to be treated. No one of any color should have to fear living in their home. They shouldn’t have to fear if they will be called a racial slur at work. People say that they don’t see color, but we all do. It’s how you treat others of color that matters. We need to do better. I have heard we have come a long way, but it feels like we are going backward as a nation. I don’t want to have to question where I will be okay leaving my home. This thing regarding race is heavy on me right now. We should all treat one another with respect. We should make sure that we look out for each other. Stand up for the wrong. You never know when your gonna need someone to stand up for you.

Let’s talk:

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This weekend has turned my world upside down. I love my kids more than anything. And this weekend my heart was broken and angry. I worry about my kids daily. And as a mom, I always feel the need to protect my children even if they are grown. As a black woman, my worse nightmare and fear is of something happening to my children. I have never heard of white women being scared that the police might do something to their children. To have to prepare your children to live differently than other people has always gotten to me. To have my kids make sure that they are on their Ps and Qs while others can act crazy and get away with it pisses me off. To be taken to jail for something that could have been a fix-it ticket is still puzzling to me. My fear is that they see a black boy and that’s all that people see. No one sees that this is someone’s child, brother, grandchild, and future father. They treat our children like they don’t belong. I have to pray harder that my children will be treated with respect while they are giving you respect. I pray that no one will use their power to take a life that wasn’t there’s to take. I pray another black mother never has to go through the pain and stress that I had to go through. This just isn’t a new conversation, this conversation is an everyday conversation in the Black and Brown community. It doesn’t matter how successful you may be a cop sees a nice car and you black you’re going to get pulled over. For some this may go over your head, some this doesn’t matter because it will never happen to your child and some you have gone through this already. When will driving while black stop? I fear for my husband and boys every time that they leave. I shouldn’t have to worry about them. Why do Black and Brown communities have to have conversations with our children when other’s don’t. Other’s can be disrespectful and nothing happens at all. But let a Black or Brown person do it and it could cost you your life? Everyone’s life is important. There should never be favoritism but there is. I’m tired and I’m hurt that we still have to deal with this stuff. When will it end? I know that every situation is going to be different, but what hurts is that no one seems to care about our children.