Is the past really over:?

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Is my past truly behind me? And the answer to that question is no. Interestingly, what I need from my husband is to feel needed, loved, and wanted. Don’t get me wrong he does all that, but I need more of it. I need the verbal aspect of this because when growing up I never got to see my dad. He would make promises to come and see me during the summer and never show up. Then I get into a relationship during my high school years that was verbal, physical, and mentally abusive. There was so much cheating and that followed me through several other relationships. At least I didn’t have to ask the people that I was with how they felt about me because they showed me all the time. Yes, they gave me the verbal as well, but my husband is very different. There is no cheating or abuse but my husband isn’t as verbal as I want him to be with me. And right now I need more validation than I thought that I would need. We all go through different seasons in our marriage and this is my season. And I had to think back to my past and realize that I haven’t let the past relationships go because I have been wondering when my husband was going to do these things to me. And in the 12 years, we have been together and 11 years married he hasn’t done any of this to me. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop because I know how to react and handle that situation. But when someone treats you well and makes sure that you were good, I don’t really know how to handle this in my life. But I have to let my past be my past and understand that we all need someone good in our lives. No, my husband is not perfect but he is perfect for me. He’s not Mr. Touchy feelie but I understand the man he is and what he is to me. I have to move past my past and appreciate who I have and what he brings to my life. It’s time for the past to stay where it is and that’s the past.

Book review: Fall from Grace

I love a good rag to riches story. And this one surely didn’t disappoint. So the story is about a woman named Sydney whose husband dies and didn’t change the will. Well, Sydney had been married before and was a fashion designer, she divorced her first husband and she has two daughters. Then years later she marries a man named Andrew who was wealthy and wanted her to quit her job so she could take care of her daughter and him. Sydney and Andrew had been married for years when Andrew dies in a motorcycle accident. Andrew never changed his will when he got married so everything went to his daughter from a previous marriage. And these stepdaughters are as evil as can be. Sydney’s step daughters told her she has so many days to leave the home. Sydney has no job and little money to her name, but she finds a shoebox apartment that she can afford for the time being. The only thing that she has left from her dead husband is the clothes that she owns, jewelry, and an apartment in Paris. She goes to Paris to try and sell the apartment. On her way back she meets a man seated next to her who happens to be in the fashion industry. They strike up a conversation and he gives her his business card. Sydney can’t find work in the fashion industry because she has been out of the game for 20 years. She remembers she has this man’s card that they met on the plane so she gives him a call. Her daughters tell her not to work for this man, but Sydney doesn’t listen. She needs a job and she needs it now. She ends up working for this shady fashion designer who makes her life go from bad to worse………. This is a must-read.

Trying to understand:

To be honest, I’m not sure how I’m feeling right now. There has been so much going on in the world that it just feels sad right now. The school shooting, baby formula shortage, the war in Ukraine and so many more things. It just feels so overwhelming right now. How can we move forward as a country when there are way too many shootings going on and all sides are pointing their fingers at one another. I feel like it’s gun control vs. mental health. Kids and adults are dying because politicians can’t decide what to do. Is it really that hard? Abortion is a huge and sensitive topic. Lawmakers are quick to make that decision for women but we can’t conclude gun control? How about these high gas prices? What about the baby formula shortage? Something just isn’t adding up to me and it feels overwhelming. Everyone is blaming everyone but where are the solutions to all these problems? Maybe one day we will have the answers to all these questions and maybe not.

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Let me re-introduce myself:

I have so many new followers that I think I should re-introduce myself. Well, my name is Colleen and I have been blogging for a minute. To be honest I can’t remember how many years I have been on here. I’ve been married for almost 12 years and I have 3 children and 2 grandkids. Yes, I said 2 grandkids and they call me Gigi. I was born and raised in the Midwest but I live in Texas now. I think I have been in Texas for maybe 8 years now. I love to blog and write book reviews. One comment that I get a lot regarding my blogs is that I bare my soul. Well yes, I’m not going to sugarcoat anything that I’m going through. I know that there are so many people going through things and for me I want to be as real as possible. I love to read. So if you have any book suggestions please let me know. Let me see I think that’s it. But once again thank you so much for following me.

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Saying goodbye:

Today is so bittersweet for me. It’s my last day at work. The decision to leave wasn’t an easy one but a necessary one. When you are stressed out and your giving 150% but there are so many issues that get swept under the rug. Well it’s time to go. For some these issues may not be a big deal or even a deal breaker, but for me they were. Now is there a perfect company to work for no. But I loved working for this company. It’s an amazing company that cares about its employees but like I said some issues are to hard to overlook especially when it affects your job. So Im stepping out on faith because I don’t have another job yet. I know that what God has for me is for me. Have a great day everyone.

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Book review:

I had started reading this book last year I believe and I put it down. But I felt like I needed to pick it back up. And Im glad that I did. This book has helped me strengthen my relationship with God. This book has shown me areas of my life that I really need to work on. This book has blessed my life. It’s a must read if you’re struggling with certain areas of your Christian life.

Book review:

I have been trying to find books that will help me in this season that Im in. And this book did not disappoint. I wanted to do and be better at mediation. And this book has taught me different ways to not only mediate but also mindfulness. I have tried many techniques in this book that has made me better. If you’re looking for a book that will teach you many mediation and mindfulness.


How has your week been? Any plans for the weekend? Well my week is bittersweet. I gave my two weeks notice for my job yesterday. This place has the best management and coworkers I have worked with in a long time. So you’re probably wondering why am I leaving… Well it’s our system and I feel like I have given so much of myself to this job. I haven’t worked in the healthcare field in a long time. And quite honestly I’m drained. I’m hoping to find something that will bring me joy. My weekend well hopefully relax and catch up on my TV shows. Have a great weekend everyone.

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Love language:

One thing for sure is that my husband and I speak different love languages. When we took this test maybe 5 years ago I know exactly what my love language was then. It has always been physical touch and when I took the test almost 5 years ago that was correct. But as time goes by and we grow so does our love language. I told my husband that I missed it when he use to buy me cards or write me letters. They meant so much to me, but he doesn’t do that anymore. He felt like my love language was still physical touch. I was irritated one day because I always seem to be encouraging others but when I needed the encouragement I had no one to give it to me. And an idea came to me, what if my love language has changed and I’m upset because my husband isn’t giving me what I need. How can he give me something when he thinks I’m still with the same love language. Well, I took the survey and sent him the link as well and I wasn’t surprised to see that my love language had changed. I showed my husband the results and he understood why I was so needed when it came to words of affirmation. It’s interesting because my husband’s love language has changed as well. His is quality time and we were both in the old love language trying to give each other what we don’t need anymore. This test has helped us to be very mindful of what we both need and how to speak each other’s love language. What is your love language?