When will we stop:

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It’s been hard trying to find the right words to say. It’s even harder to blog your feelings when your feelings are all over the place. It’s so much going on in the world right now. When will we stop seeing color and start seeing people as humans? God created us in his image and he loves us. But why don’t we love us? All of us? It doesn’t matter what your skin color is. Love is love and hate is hate. Both are taught actions. It hurts knowing that people don’t care about me but they see the color of my skin as something and someone who needs to die. It hurts when people of color have never been treated right. It hurts period when anyone of any color hurts. We have good and bad people of all colors. When will we stop killing and start loving one another? Life is way to short to keep doing the same thing and getting the same results.

Love over hate:

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As 2020 is in full effect what I can’t understand is why we still have hate for one another. We hate someone’s color, we hate people’s hairstyles and we hate other people’s sexual orientation. So much hate in this world. We can cure hate with love. Have you ever stopped to talk to someone who is a different color than you? Have you ever talked with someone who is in a same sex marriage? Have you ever thought why do I hate this person? Why do I hate that they are not like me? Is hate taught? Are we all not lovable? It hurts my heart that people are hated for things like not being social, to thin, too fat, too tall, not light enough, don’t have enough money and other dumb things. I may not like certain things about people but what I won’t do is talk down about them and make them feel less than. We are all in this world trying to figure out life. We need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why do I hate people? Is it them or is something else going on within me? I pray that one day we will get over ourselves and start loving ourselves and love other people. So please stop the hate and start to love. Love over hate.

Not a good day:

I’m upset because tomorrow I was supposed to get my test results. And they called to cancel because there not ready yet. I’ve been waiting three weeks to see if I possibly have cancer. As I’m writing this I’m in the bathroom stomach hurting. I’m not sure if it’s stress our my stomach just hurts. I’m really not sure what to do at this point. They said it might take a couple more weeks before I get my results.
All this has me stressed out.

About this weekend:

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I had the most amazing weekend. First my daughter’s graduation, then my mom, son, and future daughter-in-law surprised us this weekend. I haven’t seen them in a year. It was such a nice surprise. I needed to see them, it made my day. I’m so full of love and happiness right now. How was your weekend?

Class of 2020:

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Today is the day that I’ve been waiting for. Today my daughter graduates from high school. I couldn’t be more proud of her. As I’m sitting here writing this there are tears of joy, tears of sadness, and tears of accomplishment. You are the last child of mines to graduate, the last one to leave home. Words can’t describe what I’m feeling. But this is your day my sweet daughter. Take it all in and enjoy it. This is just the beginning. God has so much more for you. You have made me so proud of you. So as you walk across the stage today just know that you put in all the hard work and you deserve this moment. Class of 2020 I’m proud of you.

Why can’t we: Poem

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How many times must you be afraid
The color of my skin is not a charade
Why am I a threat to you
God created us equal it’s true
We scream we want justice but it will soon come
On judgment day God will be the judge
People scream they are scared for there lives
Is my color a threat in your eyes
I’m tired of all the killings and pain
If you peel back my skin we are all the same
I pray for my husband and sons, I want you to live
I can’t go outside without someone feeling I’m a threat
My skin look should have no effect
I smile and all you can see is my skin color
Why can’t we live in peace we are all brothers and sisters my friend
I’m tired of shedding all these tears, no more pain, violence, and fear
Why can’t you see my skin color is not a threat
If you peel my skin back we are all the same
You can’t say you love me if we all stay the same

Letter to my 20 year old self:

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When I was in my 20’s I couldn’t have imagined where my life would lead me. But now that I’m in my 40’s life has been a true adventure. Listen I know your struggling with love and understanding love. You have had your heart broken so many times just by being yourself. And trust me there is nothing wrong with being yourself, your going to find that special someone that God has just for you. Trust me I know, I’m in the future. You’re doing a great job with your kids, keep it up. Trust me they hear you and understand the wisdom that you are giving them. You’re a dreamer and it’s okay to dream but you must get your head out of the clouds. You have always been a risker taker and you will continue to be one. Do me a favor and work on you and loving you, because now that you’re in your 40’s you’re doing this. Understand that everything doesn’t need to lead to a misunderstanding. Hear the person out and listen to there heart. It’s okay to have time to yourself we all need it. Please learn to say no before you hit 40, it’s really important. Remember who you are and whose you are. God created a wonderful woman even though you don’t always feel this way. Don’t be so hard on yourself we all go through things, but the important thing is to learn and grow. People will come and go out of your life and it’s okay don’t take it personally. You’re going to meet some truly amazing people along the way. Your doing great don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Trust me your 40’s will be different.

Free at last: Poem

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I’m tired of dwelling on things from my past
They no longer matter I’m free at last
It took me so long to shake the pain from my past
But it’s good to say that I’m free at last
I often wondered what took me so long
But does it matter when all the hurt is gone
I can truly smile and say that I feel good
I’m free at last, no longer miss understood
No more hiding behind my fear and shame
No wondering if I will ever be the same
Took time to throw off that hurt and fear
I’m free at last and no more fear
It takes time and works no doubt about that
But to say I’m free at last is more than my past
I’m free, I’m free, I’m free at last

You loved me: Poem

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I don’t know why it took so long
To get my act together, you could have been long gone
You loved me through the good and the bad
And all I did was make you sad
I can’t believe I treated you this way
All my past hurts I took out on you
And that’s not okay
All you did was love despite, I didn’t except it with all my might
Why would you love me when I was broken and mean
I had to let go of the past to know what it means
To release the pain, the hurt, and the grief
It took me to long to understand that what I needed was a relief
Your love rescued me from the pit of my despair
I needed your love to help me make it through my pain
You loved me regardless and never had any shame
We all hurt yes that’s true
But how many can love you through what you been through