What’s in a name?:

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So what’s in a name? My first name is Colleen which means girl. People are shocked all the time when I tell them my name. Why are you shocked I say, well we have never met a black girl named Colleen. Well isn’t that something? I have had interviews where they call my name and are surprised when I stand up. A lot of them have told me that I didn’t sound black on the phone….. Wait a minute what??? What does that even mean??? Because I don’t use ebonics when I answer the phone??????? I know people who haven’t been able to get a job because of their name. I know people who make fun of people because they said their name is too urban and it won’t fit into today’s world. What????????? Do you know how many people who come here from another country that you can’t pronounce their names but they get jobs. This is so crazy. But now names have just gotten crazy like Apple, Blue Ivy, Karma, etc. Why do this to your children???? Names are supposed to mean something. I’m named after my grandfather’s sister who died of tuberculosis when she was 9. I take pride in my name and when people joke about my name sounding white it pisses me off. There are no rules to what you can name your children. I know white people who have named their children names that only black people used so what. Why judge someone for a name that they didn’t even get to pick? Does it make them any more or less important? No, it doesn’t. Before you judge someone because of their name how about you learn more about them.

Just wanted you to know:

I’ve read blogs where people have expressed feeling alone. They have said that no one cares about them. But I want you all to know that I care about you. You’re blogs have made a difference in my life. We are in strange times and I know some of you are use to begin around people and always going out on the weekends. I know this is hard but just know you will get through this. You are cared about. If you feel alone reach out to someone. Your not alone we are all struggling. People do care about you. You will make it through.

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I don’t understand:

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I’m not going to lie I don’t understand a politician. I don’t know what goes on in their minds. But Gov. Greg Abbott decides that next Wednesday he is opening up Texas 100%. Okay first of all we just came off of a bad winter storm. And there are still people without water. But now he has lifted the face mask( which means you don’t have to wear it out anymore unless the store you go to says so). And now businesses are okay to open up at 100%. We still have COVID going on. Our hospital rates are not that good. I don’t understand why he thinks this is a good idea? I mean do you feel like Texas is losing money? Well, all states are losing money. Do you feel like people need to get back to work? What work? So many businesses have closed or downsized. I don’t understand why he feels like this is something that should be happening right now. I feel like he is trying to kill us. Yes, we have the vaccine here but do you know how many people are still waiting to get the shot? Common sense goes a long way, but I feel like right now he is not using his common sense. This feels like a disaster waiting to happen.

Book box:

As many of you know I love to read. I did a blog post regarding book box subscriptions and the ones that I tried. Well, I’m back again to tell you about the book box subscription and the items that I got in it. I went back to blacklit.com for black history month. I love the fact that she uses small black business in your book box collection. It’s nice to see the different items that are put in this box. So first up is a tee-shirt that the owner of blacklit made. Love this shirt. Next, we have a spiced honey candle. This candle smells so good. I got two amazing books in this box. Which I can’t wait to read. There was also a bookmark and some bandages for the different skin tones of black people. I don’t get her book box every month but this is the second one that I have gotten and I love it.

Book review:

I haven’t found a Chevy Stevens book that I don’t like. This book had me on an emotional roller coaster. This book is about a woman who marries a man who has some issues. He becomes controlling. So she plans her escape. The escape was successful until she finds out that her husband has killed somebody. But that’s not the worse part. How much of your past do you tell? Is the truth really that bad? I gave this book 5 stars.

This weekend was hard:

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This weekend was probably the hardest, most draining, soul searching, and learning how to forgive weekends I have ever had. Let me just put it to you this way everyone in the household had an issue with each other and it just exploded. But yesterday we were able to air out our emotions and what we are dealing with. It was hard to hear some much-needed truths about myself, but it also allowed me to see where I needed to work on from someone else perspective.
I don’t like conflict at all. I shy away from it at all cost. But there are somethings that we must face about ourselves and how we treat each other. I’m a happy-go-lucky person, I’m also the only morning person in my household. I’m wanting everyone to have a great day and everyone is looking at me like it’s too early to be this happy and joyful. It was nice to hear my husband and daughter tell me how they feel. It was also nice to understand what they are going through and how I hurt them.
We all have differences and we are working on mending our relationship into a better one. For me, I think I would like to get counseling to be able to understand myself and deal with some past hurts and trauma. My husband and I have discussed marriage counseling as well and his counseling. This year has just started and it has made me appreciate this lockdown more. Would we have had this discussion if there was no lockdown? Probably not we wouldn’t have addressed it and it would still be an issue. Even though the moment was painful for everyone at least we were honest with ourselves and each other about what we need and are going through.
You think that when you see someone that things are great, but we have learned that my husband voices how he feels where my daughter and I keep our feelings inside. That’s not always good we need a balance. But it’s nice that at least we have made a step in the right direction. I pray that we can have more talks and that our relationship as a family grows and gets better. We all know that for that to be possible we must work on ourselves and be better for each other.
For you to grow you have to go through some type of pain. That’s when the healing can begin.

Time:

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As I’m sitting here with my coffee I have greater respect for time. When I was younger I felt like I had all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted to do. But now that I’m older I realize how precious time is. I use to put off the things that I wanted to do because as I said I felt like I had time. But now I see that I need to get motivated and get things done. There are so many things that I have been wanting to do and I’m going to do this year. I’m not leaving anything to chance anymore. Time is way too precious to not take advantage of. I will call the people that I care about more often and tell them that I love them. I will send cards to the people that I care about and cant see right now. I never want to sit back and wish I would have done something and never did.

What makes you smile?:

I’m learning to find joy in the little things. One thing that I love is flowers. My favorite flowers are tulips and lilies. So while at Walmart I believe this might have been after the storm we had was over. I found these beauties on clearance and I had to get them. They made me smile when so much was going on. One thing that has been on my mind lately is what makes me smile? That was a question I didn’t know how to answer but seeing these flowers instantly made me smile and brighten my day. So what makes you smile?

Book review:

At first this story started off slow and confusing for me. But the more that I read the more I understood. This story is about a girl who lives America with her mom and siblings to return to Jamaica. She befriends some from Jamaica who has to leave and goes to America.