Have you ever dreamed of how you would be proposed to? Have you ever dreamed about how you would want your wedding to be? Nope, not me lol. I’m serious why would I dream about that when I didn’t want it. Well as my husband and I became friends and then when became a couple. It was an amazing process to go from the in-between stage to now a couple. And it didn’t feel any different. We were still committed to being the best of friends. And as I get closer to my wedding anniversary one thing has crossed my mind. I want to be a better friend to my husband. I’m not saying that I’m not a good friend, but I can be a better friend. Friendship means the world to me. My husband is the type of friend that I had needed in my life for so long. You don’t know what you need until someone amazing comes along in your life. Married men and women please make sure that you remain friends with your spouse.
I met my husband at a time where I had given up on love. I didn’t believe in true love anymore. I thought that men were all the same. I felt down when it came to love. But being around my husband as a friend opened my eyes and heart. I had put a wall up around my heart and I didn’t want any man near it. I could care less about being in a relationship. Until I started getting these weird butterflies in my stomach when we were together. I would love being close to him and just hanging out. When we weren’t together I wanted to be with him. It was a weird feeling because I was starting to want more from him than just a friendship. The odd thing was he was feeling the same way as well. We called this stage in our relationship the in-between stage. Because we weren’t a couple but we were acting like it. The bricks around my heart started coming down. I was able to trust again because with him there were no games. He was a straight shooter. We stayed in this in-between stage until we were ready to be a couple. And trust me it was worth the wait.
So my wedding anniversary is this week and I want to talk about my journey with marriage this week. I told all my friends that I was going to get married when I was 80 only because I wanted someone to die with lol. I was serious too. I didn’t feel like marriage was for me. I come from a single mom who got divorced from my dad when I was seven. And trust me my mom was so bitter and negative about my dad. So why in the world would I want to be married? My dad cheated on my mom and I had plenty of that in my relationships so why in the world would I want to be married? And then I met my husband. We started out as friends. And let me tell you he was a true friend. Whenever I called he was always there. I don’t use the word friend loosely because not everyone is a friend to me. But it was like we had known each other for years. When I said that taught me how to trust and love again. He made a lot of my fears about relationships with the opposite sex go away. But I never looked at him as someone I wanted to date let alone marries. Silly me lol. See you tomorrow for the rest.
I wanted to give you an update on my book. So I sent out the first 5 chapters of my rough draft. And so far everyone is loving this book. I got some words of advice on a couple of chapters. They want me to dig deeper and open up more. This book is about my life and some of the chapters are emotional and some of the chapters are about my struggles with things. And you never know how someone will react to what you write. This is my baby and to let others read it had given me some anxiety but the feedback has been amazing. I’m working on some of the feedback as well as continuing to write the remaining chapters of my book. One thing that I’m doing that I noticed that others haven’t is I’m not worried about the word count our if all chapters are the same. Some chapters will be longer and some shorter. I have to go with my heart on this and not follow certain rules for writing. I know that some won’t agree with me and that’s okay. Welp back to writing.
There is something about reading a good blog that does something for me. But then there is something about blogs that are so negative and disrespectful that make me think are they okay? I’m being truly serious right now. If you feel like something that I am writing about on my blog is disrespectful then please call me out about it. I know that people are allowed to write whatever they want on their blogs but people please use some common sense. You can hide behind your writing but trust me your true intentions are known. I have been coming across some nasty blogs and I’m wondering are they okay? Like what has happened to you for you to be so nasty on your blog? I write about my life and what I’m dealing with. And I admit I’m learning but people please stop and think about the words that you write before you write them. If your words are hurtful and insulting then maybe you shouldn’t write them. I understand we can express ourselves however we want to. But at the end of the day, our words have life and death. And some of the blogs that I read even though my views are different made me feel some type of way. I believe in grace. You may dislike a group of people or whatever but words hurt. And the moral of this post is that if your okay writing those words and there is no conviction in you then something is truly wrong with you. It’s your blog and you have the right to write what you want but please try to be understanding and sensitive to other people.
I’m sitting here waiting for the storms to come today. We are supposed to get some pretty heavy rain and thunderstorms this afternoon. But one thing that popped in my head is we know when the weather is going to be different. We see it on the news, we smell the rain and see the sky changing. But why don’t we see the storms coming in our own lives? What can’t we see that we should be seeing? I can’t go outside and see the sun shining but there is a storm brewing in my own life. I might feel different but not sure of what is about to happen. Why are some things so easy to predict when other things are not so easy? But I had to stop to ask myself is the reason we don’t see the storm coming because we don’t want to or are we in denial? I know when things in my life aren’t right but there are times I honestly don’t see the storm coming. Maybe I don’t want to face anything else at that time or maybe I don’t truly see it. Is it easy for you to spot storms coming in your life?
Your kids can teach you so much. As I was talking with my daughter the other day I noticed that her planner was highlighted in different colors. I asked her about it and she told me each class is colored coded in a different color. And that she knows when homework is due when quizzes are supposed to be taken, etc. I’m like interesting, my college daughter has her classes and things that she needs to get done planned out already. I set goals but planning things I just don’t really do. If I want to get something done I usually will that day or the next. But what I have learned is if I don’t plan things out I might not accomplish the important things. With my book I kinda have things planned out but not like I really want to. So I am determined this week to get up to chapter 5 out for people to read and give me feedback. After that, I will make a goal for the next chapters and so forth. It makes it easier to stay on task and to know what you need to accomplish that day. So now I’m planning each week what I would like to accomplish and if it doesn’t get done I won’t beat myself up about it. I will just add it to next week’s list of things to do.
I love reading about other people’s journeys to get where they are at. This book took multiple peoples stories and helped us to see that without God the empty spaces will stay empty. It was a reminder to me that God wants a relationship with me. He wants me to always put him first. There is no obstacles I can’t overcome without him. This book is a beautiful collection of stories about how people put God first.
This three day weekend was definitely what I needed. I did some self-care. I made time for me and made sure that I took care of myself. But there were things that I saw in myself that I need to work on. I have tried to work on me and I have noticed that there are some things in my life where I need to speak to someone about my issues. I know that I can’t do everything on my own no matter how much I try. We all need help in some area of our lives. I have trusted friends to talk to and God but sometimes we need to speak to someone who can dig deeper within us. This is where I am right now. I’m going to seek out counseling. I don’t have all the answers and I know that God placed people on this earth to help us. I’m trying to have a better me daily and so my journey starts.
I realized that I have let my self-care go. I have been trying to make sure everyone else is getting what they need and are okay. But I just don’t seem to take care of myself enough. I have let me go for the sake of others. How often we forget our selves for the ones that we love. But we need to stop forgetting about ourselves. If we are not recharging then what can we offer someone else when we are on empty ourselves? It’s been hard but I’ve been operating on empty for too long. I have noticed that my peace and happiness I simply can’t give because I’m empty. I need to recharge and focus on myself. I’m working on me one day at a time for now on.