Oh happy day:

This year has had its fair share of ups and downs. But this month things are certainly looking up. I have been out of work for a year and 3 months. I would apply for jobs just for them to tell me I’m overqualified or they were not hiring at the time. It got very discouraging and I would often hear people stating that people on unemployment are lazy and not looking for work. Well, I will say this, I was not one of them. I don’t like sitting at home with anything to do. I have goals and things that I want to do and that takes money. I’m happy to say that I got a job this week and I start on Monday. I had to learn in this time that I asked God to give me a job that I can grow at. A job that cares about its employees and something close to home. God gave me that and more. I just had to be patient when all the doors around me were closing. Not every door is meant to go through and I was blessed that God never let us go without. If you know anything about living off of one income it can be tough. I’m truly grateful for my husband and him being the main provider during this time. I haven’t been on unemployment in like 15 years and I was only on it for a month. It can be a lot and people don’t understand that because they are not on the other side of the situation. All I have to say is that I’m glad that God answered my prayers. We have never been in a pandemic like this before and before people start judging one another please take a walk in someone else’s shoes.

What’s the new normal?:

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What is the new normal now? I mean I remember what life was like before the pandemic. Now we have some people who have been vaccinated and some who haven’t. We have a new variant out that is killing and putting people back in the hospital. So what is the new normal? To wear a mask or not to wear a mask that is the question. I’m not going to lie I move differently now. Even though I’m fully vaccinated this is my new normal. I don’t want to be in crowds anymore. There are people who don’t care about getting other people sick. It just feels like a reckless time. So what now? Will there be more variants? How are we to live our lives? So what is the new normal? I guess it’s whatever you make of it really.

Don’t stop dreaming:

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It’s been a while since I allowed myself to just dream. I have dreams but I have placed them on hold. I use to daydream all the time and I guess I have let myself stop dreaming. I’m not sure why I have allowed myself to do that. But it’s okay to dream again. It’s okay to want to do things that may seem impossible. We all have dreams but it is up to us whether or not they come true. Your dream may be small or big, but the point is to never stop dreaming. I know since this pandemic there have been people who had dreams and made them come true. I on the other hand had put my dream to the side for a while. No matter where you are in life right now, never let your dream die. Dream again because you never know where that dream will take you.

About yesterday:

Yesterday was pretty amazing. It was my husband birthday. I can’t thank him enough for his love and commitment to me. How do you thank and celebrate someone who has been there for you? I love birthdays and celebrating with others. It’s amazing how many birthdays I have celebrated with him. And every year it gets better. I have seen social media post that bash men. I have seen women getting spoiled by men but not doing the same in return. I’m going to celebrate my husband and spoil him every birthday and every day. If you have someone amazing and if you knew our story then you know that this love is solid. So ladies please go out of your way to spoil and love on your man. We need men to know how important they are in our lives. We can celebrate them without it being there birthday. But let’s celebrate them more. They spoil us so let’s do the same.

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Changing seasons:

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We all make our own choices in life. Some of the choices that we make are either good or bad. But life is full of choices and decisions that have to be made. I have made more decisions in my life that were based on other people than on myself. And I had to look myself in the eye and say is this how you want to continue your life? You want to make decisions that will make everyone else happy or you happy? I had to have a tough conversation with myself this year. And let me tell you it wasn’t pretty but I was honest with myself about what I wanted and what I wasn’t about to tolerate in my life anymore. I have always based my life around other people and their happiness and comfort level. Well, let me tell you I’m done with that. I’m in my 40’s and your comfort level doesn’t have anything to do with mines. I’m done entertaining negativity because it’s draining and I don’t have time for that in my life. I want to live a content life. I don’t have everything that I want in my life but I want to be content with whatever season that I’m going through. I have had enough of making sure everyone else was good before I made sure I was good. 2020 was a shitty year and I’m not about to have 2021 be the same. I can’t control the pandemic and I can’t control other people but I can control myself. I have had some ups and downs this year that has caused me to step back and review some things in my life. And as I was reviewing I seen some things that needed to change. Nothing wrong with change but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and it’s going to benefit you. Life is a journey and you just have to be ready for the adventure.

Update second shot:

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So I got my second COVID shot on Thursday. I got a small headache nothing serious then all of a sudden I felt exhausted. So I laid down. My husband went and got us dinner and I eat and went to bed. During the night I got so hot that I was sweating so bad. Then all of a sudden I got cold. I woke up the next more exhausted. I took a shower and made myself some tea and just laid on the couch. I had to end up going back to bed I slept for like 3 hours straight. I woke up feeling better but during that evening I got hot again then cold just off and on. And I went back to sleep. I woke up this morning feeling great. I think I had mild flu-like symptoms. But during yesterday my husband and I watched the Mary J. Blige documentary and for some reason I something told me I needed to finish working on my book. I have been working on it off and on but something lit a fire under me and I’m more determined than ever to finish my book. Some stories are so difficult to tell but so necessary. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

2nd shot:

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So I get my second COVID shot tomorrow. Should I be worried or concerned? The first shot that I got I had a headache and a sore arm for a couple of days. But I have heard that the second shot is way worse than the first. I’m worried not gonna lie.

Not alone:

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Thank you for all the love that I received in my last post. It truly means a lot to me and to know that I’m not alone at all in how I feel. Yesterday I was talking to my husband trying to find the words to explain how I was feeling. And he took the words right out of my mouth. Every feeling that I had felt and am feeling he knew. How did he know because he went through the same thing that I’m going through now You should have seen the look on my face like you were going through this also? I honestly thought that it was just a women’s thing and that my husband would never understand. Well, he understood and even gave me some advice. Some tips on what he did and how it helped him. Prayer is a huge part but also knowing it’s okay to reflect on these feelings to see if something is missing. Also just being by myself to reflect on these feelings. He also suggested this app that has helped him. I will let you know if the app has helped me. But it felt so good that he understood what I was going through and also my blogging community. I honestly felt like I was the only one going through this. So yesterday I brought my notebook and pen to the living room and just laid them down. And something sparked me to start writing. It wasn’t a lot but it was a starting point. I plan on listening to the app today and see if I can write a few more words today. This journey is interesting, to say the least, but I’m glad that I’m not alone in it.

In my thoughts:

Sometimes I feel like I’m just existing. I feel like I’m wandering around without a purpose or point to life. I have had a few things rock me this week that has caused me to question so much. I don’t have the same passion for writing or reading anymore. I feel like either I’m going through a phase or it’s something deeper that I just don’t understand. Just trying to sort through my thoughts and feelings.

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Thank you/Update:

I would like to thank everyone for the birthday wishes. It truly made my day. So update on my shoulder. I got my last two injections yesterday. And if this doesn’t work then I only have two options. First option is to do nothing and see if it will heal on its on. Second option is surgery. Im more than likely going to wait it out and see how it goes. So today I had my yearly physical and let’s just say that I got more bad news. I don’t necessarily know if it’s bad but it doesn’t sound good. My doctor found a lump on the left side of my thyroid. When it rains it pours. So how is your day going?

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