I try to have a word every year that speaks to me. Well, my word for 2023 is growth. I feel like there is so much growing that I need to do. My growth has taken a back seat to other things. I don’t want to stay the same any longer. I want to grow and develop healthy boundaries. I had thought long and hard about what my word would be for this year. But it wasn’t that hard to choose this word. I have helped others grow and I have stayed stagnant. Not this year I will have growth in my life. So what is your word in 2023?
For some reason, I felt like 2023 was going to be different. Yeah, I know you’re thinking it’s only been 5 days into the New Year. But my mind is still the same, my prayers are still the same and my problems are still the same. I have new problems and some unresolved problems. Just because it’s a new year, new month, and new day you still will have the same issues if you don’t change who you are. I have started pulling back in so many areas of my life. I have been so much to so many people and this year they feel like I should be the same. I’m not going to be the same. I need to be different and change how I do things in my life. I was doing great in 2022 with working on myself when I fell back into the trap of making sure other people are doing okay. At some point in my life, I need to STOP worrying about others and work on myself. In 2023 I need to be okay with myself and to who I give my time. I can’t be available to everyone all the time. I have done so much for others that it’s time for me to work on myself. With so many hurts and rejections that have come in 2022. I will not allow that to happen in 2023. I’m a work in progress. Please don’t allow your 2022 to bring you down in 2023. Please keep your head up and know that 2023 will be your best year.
This year I want to read more books that will help with my personal growth. I want to grow in all areas of my life. I know that everyone has made New Year goals, but to be honest this year I want whatever God has for me. I want his will to be done in my life. I started reading this book maybe a year ago and then put it down. So I decided to pick it back up because I felt like it was something that I needed at this point in my life. I love how this book gives so many examples of how we can fear doing anything. My fear is always failing or not being good enough. But at some point in my life I need to get over it and live my life. This point has great stories and examples of how we as women can become more confident. I need more confidence in this season of my life. This is a great book to bring in the New Year with.
I love doing the reading challenge on Goodreads. I always try to read more books within the year. In the last two years, I have hit my goal. So next year I’m going to increase the number of books that I read. With that being said what are some books that are on your 2023 list to read? Well here are some of mine:
Good boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst
The Violin Conspriracy by Brendan Slocumb
Heal your relationship with money by Kara Stevens
The two lives of Sara by Catherine Adel West
The Deep by Rivers Solomon
The light we Carry by Michelle Obama
Before I let go by Kennedy Ryan
Discover your true worth by Lindsay Roberts
These are just some of the books that I would like to read next year. Please let me know what is on your TBR reading list.
Creating healthy boundaries has been a blessing and a curse for me. The blessing side of it is that it has allowed me to have boundaries in areas of my life where I need them most. The curse part of it for me is letting certain people that I deem to be important cross those boundaries time and time again. Then I came to the conclusion when will I ever learn? It’s hard to set boundaries for people that you are close to. But when the hurt comes well I can only blame myself for not sticking with the boundaries that I had created in the first place. We have all created boundaries in our lives and I’m sure you have let those boundaries slide because of who you have placed them on. Well let me to you if you created a boundary for anyone then it was for a good reason. Stick to that boundary and understand that you’re just as important as the other person. Boundaries create a safe space. This was a hard lesson to learn but well-needed.
I have entered a new season in my life. This new season is called empty nester season. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it, to be honest. All parents are excited when all their children leave the nest, but being in this season is a bit confusing. When your children are small you want them around all the time, then they grow up and start making friends. I want all my children to experience life on their own. But there is no manual for parents on how to feel and what to do once all their children are out of the house. Yes at first you feel the excitement but then reality set’s in. As much as parents try to prepare their children for the real world well they don’t want anything to happen to them. And the joy fades and is replaced by worry and fear. But at some point, you have to hope and pray that everything that you have instilled in them they will appreciate and use. But parents where does that leave us now? As I said there is no manual for us after the last one leaves. I’m trying to go into this new season with grace but I’m honestly at a loss. Kids will always come back home to visit yes I know. But I wasn’t prepared for the last one to leave yet. I may sound selfish but I’m honest. Yes, I know that they can’t stay with me forever, but there is an empty space in my heart right now. I know that I will be fine after a while but one has to wonder where did the time go? This is something new for my husband and I and while we are still learning I know we will be fine.
Throughout my journey with myself, I had some pretty strict boundaries for myself and others. But out the window that went on some people. I have to reset and refocus my boundaries. I have let issues and things make me get to a point where I don’t care anymore. And let’s face it I do care but my tolerance level for drama and unnecessary stuff is out the window. When I am treated like I don’t matter and taken for granted well I start to act accordingly. And that’s something that I need to change within myself. I should not act differently because that is how someone is treating me. Boundaries are so important in my journey and I know that I will have setbacks. But the most important thing is to acknowledge them, correct them and move on.
There has been one thing that I have really been working on, on and off in the 12 years that I have been married. No, I haven’t always done it was grace or even when I was mad. But I apologize to my husband this weekend and I am making a more conscience effort to be better in this area. Today he sent me this message from a lady on Instagram and it only confirmed that I really need to do better in this area. Well, what am I talking about it’s RESPECT for my husband. Ladies I’m not the only wife, girlfriend, or friend who needs much work in this area. There are so many things ladies that we want from our men, but what about the one thing that they want from us? Why is it so hard to have respect for our men? One thing that truly hit me in the message that my husband sent to me was the fact that women are not taught to respect a man. They are taught to love a man. But love has conditions and so do feelings. Feelings can waver and one minute you can be completely in love and the next you can’t stand him. Why is it like this? I know growing up I use to hear my mom bash my dad. I didn’t understand why she was so angry with him until I got older. Even when she sees him now there is no respect at all. I see and hear women talk about they don’t need a man and that they can do it all themselves. Really ladies is that how you really feel? So why call your dad or uncle when something breaks down and needs to be fixed? Are they not men? Doesn’t your dad and uncle deserve respect as well? Let’s step back for a minute. So for me when I got mad I would say hurtful things and sometimes apologize. Why do so many men suffer in silence? It’s because we as women don’t give them the safe space that they need. If a man pays the bills, and put’s food in the fridge he’s supposed to do that without a thank you right? But you go get your hair done and he doesn’t take you out or acknowledge your hair your mad. But what do we acknowledge that they do? Do we appreciate what they do for us? If so when was the last time we told them that? Ladies we want so much from a man, but that same man will give you the world if you just respect him. To all the men out there I’m truly sorry that we don’t respect you and give you that safe space. I hope going forward that we will be able to give this to you.
My heart goes out to the Stephen Boss family. How do strong people stay strong for everyone else? I have struggled with this same question so many times. Everyone comes to me for everything but there is no one to share my heart with? It’s a battle and struggle that I have dealt with for years. But I continue to be strong during my struggles. But not anymore because strong people need people as well. I’ve gotten so wrapped up in being there for others that at times I forget to be there for myself. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. There are moments and times when I don’t want to hear anyone else’s problems. But how can I be there for others but when it’s my time to need someone and have no one in return? It’s a hard pill to swallow at times. I have always had a big heart and will do anything for family and friends. But there needs to be a balance that is happening with me. I have found my balance to give myself time and space to focus on myself. Strong people are only as strong as the people who we have around us. Who is lifting up or even checking on the strong people that they know? Why are the strong people suffering in silence? Why are we lacking in having someone there for us? My mental health is more important now than it use to be. I have backed away from doing so much for other people. My focus is on myself. You can’t give others what you don’t have. And I have been operating on E for way too long. Strong people stop helping everyone and take a minute to work on yourself. Love yourself more and build yourself up. We are few and we want to be there for everyone but we can’t. We need to be there for ourselves before we can give to the world. Twitch death has taught me so much. He was a positive and always happy person, but behind it, all was so much going on. I have worn a mask for so many years, but the mask is off. What you see is what you get from me. Strong people let other people know that they need time to heal themselves. Let them know that you need to talk. Not everyone is going to be your safe space. Strong people, it’s okay not to be strong all the time.
So I did a thing this year. My book club and I wrote a book together. Please click on the link and enjoy the stories that we have individual have written. I hope to keep up my writing and work on another book soon. This year has been full of surprises. I hope you enjoy these stories.
Conversations on finding and loving who I am 