I’m a Kansas girl living in a Texas world. Well, this picture was taken on Sunday and we have more snow and ice heading our way tonight. I’m used to the cold, snow, and ice. But I haven’t lived in Kansas in 11 years. But this cold is something I haven’t felt in so long. It’s nice to look at but it’s not nice to be in. They have asked people to stay off the roads and stay home. But people are not listening. There are so many power outages. I hope everyone stays safe.
Well, I have been back on social media and I have to say that I won’t be on it like I used to be. It was so depressing and I wonder why people spend so much time on social media. I’ve missed some amazing things like wedding proposals, kids being born, and also birthdays. But other than that I didn’t miss anything at all. I use to be on social media when I was bored. Now when I find myself getting bored I start reading a book or doing something else that will keep me in a more positive mindset. I have limited my social media contact. I would be on it for hours now I’m just on it for minutes.
I got new glasses yesterday. It has been two years since I got my eyes checked. I know that I shouldn’t have waited that long. But while I can see clearer now with my glasses, I can always see clearer about myself. And there are some things about myself that I don’t like and I need to change. I don’t like that I don’t say no. I’m pretty easy going and if you need help I got you. But when I need help it’s often not given. I’m too nice and nice people get walked all over. I get upset like anyone but I’m too nice when it comes to being there for people and making sure that they are good. I don’t like the fact that people don’t care about my feelings and they just dismiss them like they are not important. I care about other’s feelings and I need to stand up for how I feel. I see that I need to work on having time for myself because I put too many people first. Where does my time come in? I have to see where I need to stand firm on how I’m feeling and what I need to work on. I’m very laid back and I need to get a backbone and not settle for less than what I’m worth. It’s time to dig deeper and not settle.
Besides reading and writing, I wanted to learn a new skill to help me relax. Being home during COVID and now the weather here in Texas is super cold. I wanted something that was going to be easy, so I went to a craft store and bought a kit for loom knitting. If you have ever tried loom knitting it’s not hard but it’s hard. If that makes any sense at all. I’m learning how to do what is called an E stitch. I haven’t made anything yet because I’m still trying to get the hang of it. I even bought a book that has different things that you can make for beginners. But this is what I have done so far. If you have ever loom knitted any suggestions? I have always gone on YouTube and have learned a few things. But I’m not sure how successful I will be. It’s very calming and that’s what I need right now.
This book is all types of crazy. When I tell you that this book is a page turner. Craziness at its finest. This book will have you thinking you know how it turns out, just to prove you wrong. This is a must read. Now it’s time to see the movie. I rate this book 5/5.
I’m the type of person who feels like I need to have some type of purpose. We all have a purpose don’t get me wrong. But what I was looking for was more meaning, more doing, and a sense that this is it. But as I have been working on myself a thought came to my mind. What if being a wife, mother, and friend is your purpose? Okay, that makes sense but this can’t be just it for me, right? I had prayed that I would be able to do more with my writing and I have been. I have been getting books that people have sent me to review. I have gotten first drafts and last drafts of people’s books to review and make suggestions on. And I had to stop and think about it like this is what you prayed for. Yes, I would like to get paid to do it but I’m content doing it without getting paid. I love to see people’s books out that I have read before. It encourages me to continue my writing. My purpose was right there all along. But I was searching for something more. And there may be more for me to do but I need to be content with where I’m at right now.
This weekend has been rough. I felt like I was drowning. I felt so alone and yet I had so many questions. I had to get away to take some time for myself and make some decisions that I felt were best for me. When you give your all to people and you feel like you are getting nothing back it’s hurtful. When you are there for everyone but no one is there for you. When all you need is a minute to grieve and you can’t get it. All you need is someone to ask how you are doing but it never comes. Hey, are you hungry? I know that I don’t always communicate the best but at some point, you have to ask yourself why am I here? Why do I do what I do for people? Is it possible that people are that shallow? When do you become a priority? I did a lot of soul searching and a lot of thinking. I have to do what is best for me because no one has you as you do. It’s sad to be in this place but trust me I will come out strong. I’m not taking me for granted anymore.
As many of you know I’m an empty nester. It was hard at first to make this adjustment because what do you do now that the kids are gone/ in college? That was something that I had asked a lot about before my daughter graduating high school. Now I’m in an oddly comfortable routine. She’s in college and working. And I’m working on myself and letting her grow as a young adult. Don’t get me wrong I still have my opinions about her life but I’m a mom I’m supposed to. It was hard at first to get to this place I’m not going to lie. How do you adjust when all your kids are now gone? But you do find your routine and you will adjust. Trust me it will take a while to do but you will get there. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be. I’m discovering myself all over again. Trying to decide what I want this next chapter in my life to look like. But I’m enjoying have young adult children.
Since this is black history month I will be telling you somethings about me and just having a conversation with you. Yes, I’m a black woman who doesn’t feel like my skin color should be threatening. As I was growing up the only people who looked at me like I was beautiful was my people. I never really got why I wasn’t liked by some and why others just pretended that I didn’t exist. I had a really good friend who was white and I was never invited to any of her birthday parties that she had. I asked her about this ( I was in elementary at the time) and she said that her parents didn’t like black people and that her parents didn’t know that she had black friends. This hurt me deeply because one I had never met her parents and two I’m just a child. What about me don’t you like? I remember going to my grandma about this and she said some people are taught to hate and they don’t understand why they hate. And some are taught that we as black people are nothing and should be treated as such. This truly hurt me. I have never seen color but others do. Even in the workplace, I had noticed that I’m liked until I’m promoted and then I’m not spoken to anymore. The older that I get the more hopeful I am that racism will one day go away. But let’s be honest it will probably be here longer than me. This is just one of many stories.
I’m not a big television person but I do love a good show or movie so let me tell you some of my guilty pleasure shows.
These are some of my favorite shows that I like to watch. Like I said I’m not a big television person. But these are my favorite shows that I love to watch. What are some of your favorite shows that you enjoy watching?
Now my favorite movies are:
So what are your favorite movies?
