Yesterday:

Yesterday was probably the scariest day in some years for me. I went to the ER with chest pains and was immediately taken back to a room where an EKG was done. Then blood work, chest x-ray, and CT scan. It was all so fast it made my head spin. The doctor and staff were truly amazing. They talked to me about what was happening and the next steps. It was a comfort to feel truly cared about. The good news is I didn’t have a heart attack, no blood clot or anything serious like that. The bad news is that I have to see a cardiologist on Monday. They think it could be inflammation or something going on with my heart. I have a family history of heart issues on my mom’s side. But I’ve never had anything wrong with my heart. So please keep me lifted in prayer. Yesterday was rough for me and I’m resting today.

My marriage:

I’ve been married for 9 years, and I wish I would have had some advice about marriage before I got married. If I could go back in time and tell my newly engaged self anything it would be this.

It’s okay not to know what your doing everyone feels this way.
It’s okay to be vulnerable with your husband he has your back
Not everything is worthy of getting an attitude about
Know that you are going to have rough times but the true test of your marriage is working it out.
Just because his parents don’t like you doesn’t mean you need to take it out on him.
You don’t have to be right about everything, winning is not always important.

As I have become more seasoned in my marriage I’m realizing that doing life with my husband is so much fun. I don’t need to win every argument. I don’t need to tell him what he is doing wrong all the time. I need to love and support him. I need him to know that when he comes home from work I am his comfort. I don’t always do things right in my marriage but I’m working at it. I felt like love would get me through my marriage, but now I understand it’s commitment. I’m committed to not giving up when it gets hard. I’m committed to doing my best daily. I’m still learning and growing, but I appreciate my marriage more today than ever.

What stinks?:

There are many things that stink, our garbage, your teenager and at times our attitude. I’m learning that my attitude so far this year hasn’t been the best. I had the whoa is me attitude, but there are so many people who are dealing with worse who’s attitude is so much better. I needed to step back in get out of my pity party and understand that what I’m going through is to make me better and stronger. This is a learning lesson that I have failed. Everything in life is a learning lesson but it’s how you treat the lesson. You can either have your pity party and keep going through the same thing or you can learn the lesson. I’m learning that it’s not about me and what I want on my time. It’s about God timing and how I need to learn to be patient in the process. Yes life can stink and my attitude was very funky but not anymore. I’m learning to be content in any season that I’m in. I’m a work in progress and I’m learning daily.

Love language:

I’m the type of person who loves the little things. And my husband did just that. I hate all things that have to do with fixing anything. So my truck needed new brakes and my tire patched. So on my husband’s day off he did this for me, plus going grocery shopping with me. It’s the little things that really touch my heart. It’s my love language. And when you speak my love language well it warms my heart. So I’m learning to never take for granted the little things because they matter so much.

New Journey:

A new month and a new journey. I’m still trying to figure out what God is preparing me for. I’m still out of work and my health well……. I went to the doctor and I’m waiting to be scheduled for a CT scan because I’m still having issues. My breastbone is very tender along with chest pain not sure what’s going on. So as I wait I wonder what I’m supposed to be doing? To be honest I feel bored. I pray, read devotionals, cook, clean, read, write and look for jobs but I feel like this is my daily cycle. But I feel like I’m in a waiting season. But what am I waiting for? I’m trusting God to help prepare me for my purpose. Or maybe he is preparing me but I’m missing the point. Either way, I’m okay, because I would rather deal with my health issues now than when I start working. What does your journey look like?

Happy Birthday:

Today should be a happy day for me but it’s not. Today would have been my grandpa’s birthday. I miss him so much that words can’t explain. I would have loved to hear him cheer for the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday and talk football. That was our thing football and the love of the game. But today I would love to call him and say happy birthday and hear him laugh and say it’s my birthday. I’m doing better about you not being here but it’s still hard. You were like a dad to me grandpa. Happy Birthday. I miss you so much.

I want to win:

There will always be winners and losers in life. I felt like a loser last month. So much has happened to me in one month. I felt defeated and miserable. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of this funk. But nothing comes to those who don’t fight. You can’t fight your way out of depression if you don’t take a step. You can’t fight your way to a better marriage if you don’t take a step. I knew that I didn’t want to lose myself, marriage and life being down. I wanted to win this war that was in my life. I never knew what it meant to be low until last month. I felt like I could sleep and never wake up. Yeah, I felt that way. You don’t win anything not trying. I wanted to fight this dark cloud that was hanging over my head. And I have been. See I’m not going to be a loser. I want to win this war over my life. I don’t take my life for granted or people. So either you’re going to get up and do something or your going to stay defeated. I use to be very competitive in sports and I always wanted to win because losing wasn’t an option for me. I worked too hard training and winning was the only way for me. I’m keeping that mentality right now. Whatever is going on in my life I want to win. How about you? Do you want to win?

Who's on your team?:

I’m a huge football fan so today I’m excited about the SuperBowl. I use to love the 49ers until I was in middle school then the Steelers became my team. But none the less I’m excited about today. But today has taught me somethings. You need a team in life. You need people who are going to support you, cheer you on, encourage you and also take some hits with you. But building that team is never easy. You go through ups and downs with people until you find that right team. Some you have to get rid of, some are injured and some well they should have never been on your team, to begin with. But the important lesson is on any team your never alone, your never doing life alone. Get you a team that will always cheer you on. We all need a team to make it through life.

Restart button:

Okay, it’s time to hit the reset button on my life. This year I made a vision board about words. Speaking life and speaking good things. So far that hasn’t been what I’ve done. I have done the opposite of this. So it’s time to hit the reset button and do things over again. Just because I have been down doesn’t mean that I’m out. Just because things haven’t gone as planned doesn’t mean greatness isn’t coming. See I look at what’s happening now and not what God is preparing me for. I think that nothing is going to change but it won’t if I keep thinking negatively. So here’s the hitting the restart button in my life. What do you need to hit the restart button on?

Welcome back:

I’m thankful to see a new day and month. What January taught me is not how you start the year but how you finish. January was a tough month for me. But what I failed to realize is that everything that I was going through, people were praying for me and loving on me. I was never alone even though at times it felt like it. I’ve learned that when times get tough I become a wimp. I don’t fight like I know that I should. I coward in the corner somewhere feeling sorry for myself. How am I ever gonna get and be better if I continue to let things and people have the last say in my life? Well thankfully January is over and February is here. I’m not giving up on me. I’m fighting for me again. The enemy can knock me down and throw things at me but I know that I will and can come out fighting. Hello, me welcome back, yeah you had a rough month but get over it. We got work to do and it starts now.