How are you? With everything going on in the world how are you doing? I know for me I’m tired of it all. I will be glad when the elections are over with. I could go on about that but I won’t. COVID is rising and people are still not taking it seriously. And the weather is truly getting strange. As much as I would like everything to go back to normal I honestly don’t remember what normal is like? So many people are dying because of other careless people. So many are dying because of the color of their skin. Jobs are closing because of COVID. People are feeling helpless and hopeless. Marriages are ending because people realize that they can’t spend the rest of their lives with this one person that they now have to spend so much time with. This year has been draining, to say the least. I have moments of motivation when it comes to my book and moments when I just don’t want to write at all. I honestly don’t believe whoever we elect as president that things are going to change. How in four years can a president make all the wrongs right? I have tried to limit how much news I watch but sometimes that’s impossible. But how are you doing? What helps you get through the days?
I’ve been taking care of myself and I have been learning me more and more. I have learned what I want and what I don’t want. I have been loving me more and more. But one thing that has truly made my heart swell is the fact that my husband has been so supportive and loving to me. My husband and I have been in a really good place. I haven’t been going out of my way and doing stuff for everyone. And it’s nice to see that my words are important and to be taken seriously. It hurts that I had to go off to get results. It hurts that people don’t seem to care as much as you do. But I learned that my level of caring isn’t always other people’s level of care. They care they just show it in different ways. I’m learning to be patient and understanding when it comes to those things. My chest pain has gone away. I know that it was most definitely stress. I’m learning and growing. But one thing is truly important for me and that’s taking some me time. I’m not going to neglect myself or always be available like I use to be.
I’m learning more than ever that I need to protect my peace. I have let people get to me to a point where my peace isn’t protected. As I look back on last week it has been one of the most stressful weeks in a long time. I have been unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted. All while I’m doing the things that I need to do for others. I had to truly ask myself is this stress and anger worth all this? And the answer was no. I honestly never thought my daughter and I would butt heads so much. I’m a very easy-going parent and I feel like maybe that can be the issue. In life, we all have to make decisions that are best for us. And I decide to protect my peace at all costs. We have found ways to compromise but in the end, it’s time for me to be selfish. I’m taking back my peace.
It’s crazy to expect people to be who you think that they should be. This week was a great learning lesson for me. Tuesday I started having these weird chest pains while cooking. The pains didn’t go away so I called my cardiologist and I was scheduled for an EKG the next day. But during that night I didn’t feel myself and instead of getting some type of empathy for my husband. It’s like he wanted to pick an argument and I wasn’t happy about that at all. Then on Wednesday, I had my EKG done, and when it was done I let my kids know that I had to get an EKG done. And the next day not one of my kids called or even asked about how I was feeling. My daughter who lives at home with me didn’t even ask. She was just worried about what she wanted to do but not me. When I tell you how much that hurt me. I felt like okay I’m not understanding this at all. I got so many what I felt like were excuses from my kids and then on top of that, I told my husband what I felt like was lacking in our marriage. And it felt like he couldn’t understand where I was coming from. When you having a conversation with someone it’s rude to constantly be on your phone. It’s like when we do stuff he’s always on his phone. How hard is it to put your phone down and pay some attention to your wife? I’m not really in a good space right now. It just feels like a lack of respect and concern for me when it comes to my husband and kids. My EKG came back normal but my doctor is still concerned. Thank you for letting me vent.
As you know I’m an empty nester. Well not really because my daughter still lives at home while going to college online. I’m glad that her college is doing an online course only. But right now I feel confused about where our relationship is going right now. My daughter is a young adult and she has a lot of freedom. But right now I feel like her freedom is going to the extreme. On Sunday I was so mad at her because my husband and I offered to help her out with her parking but she said she had homework due. But yet she went out with her friends. I don’t mind her hanging out with her friends. Okay yes, I do with Covid going on. But I never had an issue with her going places and doing things. But here is my issue with her newfound freedom. I don’t want her grades to slip and I don’t want her to lose focus on her goals. On her off days from work, she hangs out with her friends. My daughter wants to be a doctor and she will be in school for a while. I’m just concerned that by always hanging out she will lose focus. Maybe I’m having a hard time with my baby being a young adult. I’m not sure where this balance is going to come from. At her age, I already had a kid and I wasn’t able to go to college. I’m trying to protect her but I know that I have to let her go and grow up on her own. This is where I’m struggling right now. Any advice for me?
I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read my blogs. Thank you for your comments and encouragement. I love the fact that I have such a great community of bloggers. Sometimes when I’m having a hard day my face lights up when I see your comments or even your post. Thank you for making my day a little bit brighter. I hope I make your day better as well. Thank you again for letting me write my truth and thoughts. Thank you all for being awesome.
I listen to a sermon today it was about being all in. And it made me think about a lot of things. What am I all in and what am I not all in? I’m all in when it comes to my marriage. Just learning and growing with one another has made me appreciate who I have in my life. I’m all in when it comes to being a mother and also when it comes to my friendships. But one thing I don’t seem to be all in about is my writing. I seem to doubt myself and read other people’s work and I just stop writing. But I know what I have to offer when it comes to my writing so why am I not all in? That is a question that I don’t have an answer for. I know that I have a story to tell and I know that the story that I have to tell will help and bless someone. I haven’t written since my friend passed away. I know that this isn’t an excuse, but I have to be all-in when it comes to what I’m passionate about. So what’s your all in?
Two more months and 2021 will be here. Dealing with 2020 had my emotions and anxiety on high. Now COVID is up in Texas and they are still opening things up. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around this. So now people who are on unemployment have to look for work again. Did I remind you that COVID is rising rapidly in my state and city? But what I don’t understand is why are we still putting people at risk? Why are we okay with the rising numbers and nothing is being done about it? I’m not going to lie this has me on edge. But I’m not the politicians. I hope they know what they are doing. People still go into stores without a mask. People still act like this virus is no big deal. To many people who don’t care about other people’s lives. It’s sad to me. People please be safe and think of others and not just yourself.
This book is definitely a 5 star book. I love to read about people’s lives and this book doesn’t disappoint. I love the raw, real and true story. I love that she found love again. We are not our past but we learn from our past and try not to repeat it again. This book moved me. This is a must read.
Yesterday was an exciting day for me. It was my daughter’s first time voting. Early voting started for Texas on Tuesday. We waited for Wednesday to go because the lines on Tuesday was crazy. The line where we voted wasn’t long at all. We waited for about 20 minutes in line. It was an important moment for me because this is your right and you have nothing to complain about if you don’t exercise your right to vote. And she was excited to be able to vote. But seeing the excitement in her eyes was amazing. Most young adults could care less about voting and things like that, but she was serious about her right to vote. Please go out and vote it’s your right.