I believe that if you want to change then change will come. Well as some of you know I’m on a fast. And I have been on fast’s before but this one is different. There are so many changes that I want to make within myself, some things that I want to do better at, and some things that I wanted to get rid of in my life. When I tell you how relaxed and happy I am. No, listen I’m truly happy, I’m taking the time to listen to my needs and wants. Taking the time to work on me, really work on me. Taking the time to get rid of some bad habits. My change is from the inside out. Before you can change anything about the outside you first need to make changes from the inside. And man let me tell you this process has not been easy but it has been so worth it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m a changed woman because I’m not. I’m still working on myself. But I am more relaxed, my response to people is a lot better and my anxiety is real low. I’m not sure why this time it’s more of a change within myself, but I feel like this time I’m more willing to focus on me and my issues instead of other’s and their issues.
Since I have been fasting I have been trying to get to know myself. Why don’t I love myself? I love myself but why is it easier to love others more than yourself? And it came to me. When you invest and take time to know others it’s easier to love them. But when you neglect yourself and you don’t take the time to know yourself then you can’t love someone you’re not trying to get to know. And I’m taking the time to get to know myself more. I looked in the mirror and named all the things that I didn’t like about myself. But then I looked in the same mirror and told myself all the things that I like about myself. We live in a world where they dictate what the standard of beauty is. But I’m sorry I don’t want to go off of someone’s standard who doesn’t know me to tell me that I’m beautiful. I have to keep telling myself that. I’m not a supermodel but I am beautiful. It hurts that so many women look at celebrities as a standard of beauty. But most of them have had some type of surgery done on them. I’m a natural beauty and the standard of my beauty starts and ends with me. Women you are beautiful, please stop comparing yourself to other women. We have flaws and insecurities. Love you and know that you are beautiful.
I’m taking a break from social media to be able to focus on God and areas where I need to grow. Social media was stressing me out. So much is going on, too many people are dying and so much negative and hate. I felt myself stressing out because of the words that people were using against one another. I had to redirect my focus and what I want for myself. Sometimes you need to step away from things for you to get yourself right. I was too caught up in social media. But now that I have been off of it I don’t have any desire to get on it. I’m doing a 21 day fast and since I have been fasting I feel so much better about myself and how I see things. I feel like we can get too influenced by other people and their thoughts on social media.
So the first step to loving myself is taking the time to see what I need. What can I do to be the best me possible? I have to understand that I’m not going to be perfect. I have to cut myself some slack. But right now I have to understand that the key to loving me is remembering with God say’s about me. To understand that I have to take this one step at a time. Loving me is spending time with God and taking time to work on all the negative that I have said about myself and others. Trust me this is a process worth taking and working on. I know that my love for me will bloom.
It’s very interesting to me to see so many people wanting to find love this year. But I rarely hear anyone talk about loving yourself. That’s where I’m at right now in my life. How do I love myself? Where do I even begin? Loving others is so easy but to love yourself how do you even begin? I’m taking baby steps to work on myself and the changes that I want to see in myself. But where do I start with the love of me? This is a question that I must give some serious thought to. Any suggestions about how I even begin this task?
2020 wasn’t the best year for me. It started with me having some health issues. Then in the middle of the year my daughter and I not seeing eye to eye. Then my marriage being I don’t know up and down. Through all of that, I still kept making an effort and helping anyone who needed my help. But I always seem to do it for others and not myself. I feel like I had lost myself and my voice last year. It felt like everything around me is crumbling. But I hadn’t lost my voice at all. I love to blog and write. So between journaling and blogging, I was finding my voice in those lonely hours. When everything around me was crashing down I still had my voice. Things are a lot better with my husband and daughter, but one thing I need not ever forget is that I have a voice and to use it. Trust me losing yourself in others and never saying how you feel is not okay. I will be using my voice this year and not shying away from how I feel.
So here is my second book box subscription. This one blew my mind and all the goodies that it had inside. So this box subscription is called introverts retreat. And I must say I was very pleased my this box. In the box were a bookmark, book, candle and bath salts. Let me tell you this candle smells so amazing and I used some of the bath salts last night. This book box subscription I think I will keep for a while. I love all the things that I got from this book box. Have you tried a book box before?
Whoa whoa whoa. This book was amazing. Let me tell you. This book gave me so much to go on. I love the fact that the author gives us the facts and makes this book such an easy read. I love books about real people and real life. Let me tell you that this book has some tea also. If you want to know more about our founding fathers and Alexander Hamilton this book is it. I couldn’t stop reading this book. Most history books are boring to me, but not this one. I give it 5 stars.
Okay, so if you know my blog then you know that I keep it real on here. So you may wonder why my word this year is myself. Well have you ever been there for others and honestly lost yourself in taking care of others than you have yourself. I don’t have anything left to give people. I’m completely drained. I need to find my joy, love, and light again. I feel like a mirror broken into a million pieces that I need to put back together again. And to be honest I don’t have a clue where to start. Okay let me take that back I have prayed about it and that is a start. So where do I go from there? I’m not sure. I have so much work to do on myself because I’m starting from the beginning again. I have pain that I need to deal with. I love to love me again. I have to understand that I can’t be everything to everyone. I’m going to grow and glow this year. Well, maybe this is supposed to be my next move. I good at holding things in so maybe blogging about it will help me.
I have so many goals this year but what’s more important is that I try to accomplish these goals. I know that I tend to fall off of my goals to help others. But this year it’s going to be different. My focus is on me and being a better person. Have you ever got so wrapped up in other’s plans and dreams that you forgot about yourself? Yeah, that’s me to the fullest. For as long as I can remember I have always been about helping others succeed just for them to leave me in the end. Broken promises once they got what they wanted. But no more. No matter how small or big my goals are I want to complete at least 80% of them this year. Even though this year has just now started I’m more determined than ever to take me back. So here’s to me taking me back.