So how was your weekend? Mines was good. Didn’t do much this weekend which is okay with me. But as today rolls around my mind is brought back to something that we have all faced and dealt with before and that is a disappointment. As I was reading my devotional this morning the author had this story: Don Mondell wrote this powerful fictional story. One day, Satan was having a yard sale. He thought he’d get rid of some of his old tools that were cluttering up the place. So there was gossip, lying, greed, malice, and more laid out on the tables. Interested buyers were crowding the tables, curious, looking at what they might purchase. One customer, however, strolled to the back in the garage and found on a shelf a well-oiled and cared-for tool. He brought it out to Satan and inquired if it was for sale. “Oh, no! Satan answered. “That’s my tool. Without it, I couldn’t wreck any follower! It’s my secret weapon!” But what is it? the customer inquired. ” That’s my chief tool- it is called ‘discouragement’. With this tool, I can pry open any heart, and once I’m there, I can do almost anything I want. Can I say that this story was powerful? Discouragement is not what you want to be or have.
I’m what you may call a procrastinator. For some reason, I make goals about my book and I have yet to even reach any of my goals. But not anymore. I’m done not doing what I need to do to finish this book. So I have made another goal. I will need to have my rough draft done by this year and have someone lined up to read it for me so that I can make the necessary changes. I have started so many books and have yet to finish them. What am I afraid of? Failure and no one buying my books, to be honest. But how do I know any of this if I never try? How can I speak these things when I have yet to finish one book? There are so many great writers out there who are known and unknown. I want to be in that world. I want to help others and I want them to enjoy the stories that I tell. Welp, it’s time to get to work. Because by 2021 I want to have a published book. One book at a time is my focus. Has any other writer had this problem before? Any suggestions?
I was asked a question that I couldn’t answer at the time. I was asked how do I rate my life? Like on a scale of 1 to 10 or what? And she said yes. I couldn’t answer that because it’s different each day. And she said to sum it up not in days but in months. So I would have to say a 5. My life is just in the middle or okay. But it got me to thinking my life has just been okay for years now. Why is that? Is it me or the people that I have around me? It’s both. When I was single it didn’t matter how often I traveled or how long I was gone or where I went. When I was single I explored more, I was curious more and often times I found myself asking some tough questions with myself. And now that I’m married, raising kids and having a husband you don’t always feel as adventurous. You don’t always have time to explore or be curious. And you definitely don’t have time for the tough questions. But what is my excuse now? My children are grown and right now we are in a pandemic. I have started asking myself the hard questions. I haven’t explored much. But one thing that has been on my mind is where do I want to see myself in the next 5 years? Do I still want the same friendships? Do I want to explore more? How can I find myself while doing life with someone else? I’m the type that likes to go with no destination in mind. Let’s just get in the car and drive. I don’t want my life to be a 5 all my life. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to be a 7 or 8 in the next 5 years. I understand that no one is holding me back but me. So how do you rate your life?
Have you ever imagined what it would be like to live someone else’s life? I have. I’ve always wanted to feel confident as a person and a writer. I would love to be able to talk to some of my favorite authors and pick their brains. But to live there life no way. I don’t want to go from one imperfect life to another. I would love to understand how they got started and who believed in them. I would like to know how many times they got rejected. Was it easy with each book they wrote? I would love to be a New Times best selling author one day. But I would never want to live someone else’s life. It’s too hard living my own life as it is.
I’m a huge of Terry McMillan. And let me tell you this book didn’t disappoint. Just because you get older doesn’t mean you’re life goes downhill. This book talks about love, life and true friendships. No matter what age you are keep living and loving. This book goes through life, death and learning to live again.
Have you ever thought about what life would be like if COVID wasn’t around? I mean think about it? I have and this is what I came up with. I feel like I would have a job and working on paying off bills. I would be getting my daughter ready for college and taking care of the home. But in all honesty, I would have never taken the time to work on me. See I would be to busy doing other things for other people and not taking the time out to worry about myself. I never really did worry about myself until I’m really upset. This pandemic has made me take a step back and focus on my health and my mental health. I have exercised more than I use to and I feel so good. This has been something good for me. My marriage is healthier and better than before. My friendships are better and I understand boundaries more. Even though 2020 hasn’t been what I needed it to be it’s what I needed. I have seen so many people struggle and complain at the beginning of the year about being home. And now I’m seeing people rediscover life and love. I know that so many people are struggling right now and I get it. But you have to love yourself and be the best for yourself.
I would like to say thank you to everyone who has followed my blog, read my blog, commented on my blog. I thank you for your love and all that you bring to my blog. Sometimes we forget that people have lives as well. You have other things to do with your time and I want to thank you for taking the time out to stop by my blog.
I’ve been doing a lot when it comes to myself and others. So yesterday I made myself relax and take a break. It’s okay to go full speed ahead but it’s also good to take time out to relax as well. I’m not a big drinker but I love wine. My favorite wine is Moscato. I love it. I haven’t tried one that I didn’t like yet. When my oldest son was here in May he put me on to Stella Rosa black. And it was really good. I’m not a white or red wine drinker at all. I love fruity drinks. So the Stella Rosa Black wasn’t bad and I wanted to see what other kinds of Stella Rosa they had. So I ended up getting these two yesterday. One is Stella Rosa peach and the other is Stella Rosa Tropical Mango. I tried the peach yesterday and it wasn’t bad at all. I’m a mango lover so I can’t wait to try the mango. Are you a wine lover? If so what is your favorite brand or kind of wine?
While on my journey to better me. I have enjoyed walking. I’ve been walking with my husband for the past two months or more. But I have started walking up and down my stairs of our apartment. And something about that pain and pleasure. Sounds weird right. But the more it burns walking up and down those stairs the more that I know how much I can take. I didn’t realize how strong I was until walking those stairs. No matter what I have been through or what I’m going through I will be okay because I’m stronger than I truly realize. What a crazy revelation walking some stairs. It’s the little things that are bringing me so much joy. I walk my stairs in the morning and then in the evening walk with my husband. Even though life isn’t what it use to be doesn’t mean that I have to be what I use to be either. Change is hard but it’s so necessary to. If you never do anything that brings you pain then you never know how strong you can be.
I did something yesterday that I thought I wouldn’t do for a long time. I called my dad. I felt like there were somethings that I needed to get off my chest. But I wasn’t able to because he had company. It was a weird conversation and I wish I was able to say what I needed to say. I forgave him but I don’t know how much I want to talk to him. People always make time for who they want to make time for. And it doesn’t seem like I’m on that list of making time for. Like I said on a journey to do better and be better. I’m wanting my life to be about people who care about me. I’m not saying that he doesn’t care about me but action speaks louder than words. I took my step and I’m okay with whatever comes next.