Find happiness where ever you can:

This is a snake plant that I got this weekend.
My lavender plant
My calia lily

Even though my weekend was rough. I was able to get me some new plants. This is what happiness looks like. I feel like I’m turning into a plant mom.

This weekend was hard:

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This weekend was probably the hardest, most draining, soul searching, and learning how to forgive weekends I have ever had. Let me just put it to you this way everyone in the household had an issue with each other and it just exploded. But yesterday we were able to air out our emotions and what we are dealing with. It was hard to hear some much-needed truths about myself, but it also allowed me to see where I needed to work on from someone else perspective.
I don’t like conflict at all. I shy away from it at all cost. But there are somethings that we must face about ourselves and how we treat each other. I’m a happy-go-lucky person, I’m also the only morning person in my household. I’m wanting everyone to have a great day and everyone is looking at me like it’s too early to be this happy and joyful. It was nice to hear my husband and daughter tell me how they feel. It was also nice to understand what they are going through and how I hurt them.
We all have differences and we are working on mending our relationship into a better one. For me, I think I would like to get counseling to be able to understand myself and deal with some past hurts and trauma. My husband and I have discussed marriage counseling as well and his counseling. This year has just started and it has made me appreciate this lockdown more. Would we have had this discussion if there was no lockdown? Probably not we wouldn’t have addressed it and it would still be an issue. Even though the moment was painful for everyone at least we were honest with ourselves and each other about what we need and are going through.
You think that when you see someone that things are great, but we have learned that my husband voices how he feels where my daughter and I keep our feelings inside. That’s not always good we need a balance. But it’s nice that at least we have made a step in the right direction. I pray that we can have more talks and that our relationship as a family grows and gets better. We all know that for that to be possible we must work on ourselves and be better for each other.
For you to grow you have to go through some type of pain. That’s when the healing can begin.

Time:

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As I’m sitting here with my coffee I have greater respect for time. When I was younger I felt like I had all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted to do. But now that I’m older I realize how precious time is. I use to put off the things that I wanted to do because as I said I felt like I had time. But now I see that I need to get motivated and get things done. There are so many things that I have been wanting to do and I’m going to do this year. I’m not leaving anything to chance anymore. Time is way too precious to not take advantage of. I will call the people that I care about more often and tell them that I love them. I will send cards to the people that I care about and cant see right now. I never want to sit back and wish I would have done something and never did.

What makes you smile?:

I’m learning to find joy in the little things. One thing that I love is flowers. My favorite flowers are tulips and lilies. So while at Walmart I believe this might have been after the storm we had was over. I found these beauties on clearance and I had to get them. They made me smile when so much was going on. One thing that has been on my mind lately is what makes me smile? That was a question I didn’t know how to answer but seeing these flowers instantly made me smile and brighten my day. So what makes you smile?

Book review:

At first this story started off slow and confusing for me. But the more that I read the more I understood. This story is about a girl who lives America with her mom and siblings to return to Jamaica. She befriends some from Jamaica who has to leave and goes to America.

Me time:

Yesterday I went for a long walk. It was beautiful outside the temperatures reached 81 in the DFW area. Crazy because this time last week people were without power, water, and the temps were in the freezing digits. It was nice to get outside and get some fresh air. But mostly it was nice to clear my mind and just walk. It felt good just to concentrate on me and my feelings at that moment. It felt good that I didn’t have to think about what needed to be done or who needed me at that moment. As I was walking I noticed that other people walking were in deep thought as well. I need to have time for myself during the day. It was refreshing just to be out and doing something that felt good to me. But when I woke up this morning I felt it in my legs and thighs. I haven’t been walking in a while and boy am I paying for it. Hope everyone has a great day today.

Book review:

I had the honor to read this book in advance. Let  tell you this book was powerful. There are so many issues that black family’s don’t address. And this book told the story about a family who has issues and was able to heal from past hurts. This book is a true light in the black family. I gave this book 5 stars.

Update:

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Well, I’m happy to say that Friday afternoon we got our water back. Those days without water were bad. You don’t realize that you take so many things for granted that you use every day. And then one day it’s gone you learn to appreciate it more. Also, I have learned somethings about myself during that crazy winter storm that we had. It was nice having a talk with my husband and letting him know how I’m feeling. I’ve learned that I have things that I haven’t dealt with or took the time to even acknowledge. It was nice to speak the things that I’m dealing with out loud. It’s crazy to say but I’m having a disconnect with my husband and it’s more me than him. I have never been in a relationship where I have felt that anyone was giving me their all. I haven’t ever felt loved in a relationship either. I felt more like the love came with conditions. And I have to learn to love myself and just because I love people a certain way doesn’t mean that they will love me back that way. And that’s okay as well. We are not all alike I have to learn to receive the love that is given to me. I have made time next month for me time. I just feel like it’s time to get me together. Self-love and self-care are very important right now.

Book review:

This is the first time I’ve read a book by this author. I will say that this book was very good. It had plenty of plots, twist and turns. This book is about a young lady who starts dating someone from a wealthy family. She wants a love story just like her parents. But when she meets her finance best friend she knows she’s with the wrong man. But she finds out that her best friend is dating her future father in law. And the day of the wedding the bride finds her best friend dead. Why would someone want to kill her?

Never ending:

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This year has been a huge up-and-down with my marriage. I feel like things are going well one minute and the next minute I’m like why am I in this. I thought last year was hard, but this year seems never ending. I honestly feel like I’m in a cycle of what now. I feel like I can’t do anything right and when I voice my opinion at times I don’t feel heard. I feel like I’m drowning. There have been times when I have felt like giving up. Like what is the point in all of this. I don’t quit and I know a lot of couples are feeling this way. But this funk feels never ending. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Where is the aha moment? When will it ever get better? I’m exhausted, to say the least. When will it get better. I know that I can only change myself but I feel like I’m sinking with no lifeline.