This morning my husband asked me why don’t I love him. I said I do love you. Am I uncapable of loving him? I mean I’ve never had someone say this to me before? This question threw me for a loop. He gets on my nerves but I love him. He pisses me off sometimes but I love him. Maybe I dont show it enough. Maybe I don’t show it at all. I don’t feel like I’m a heartless person. I can be cold at times but it’s nothing personal. I didn’t know that he felt this way. Has anyone ever said anything like this to you before? If so how did you handle it?
Conversations on finding and loving who I am 
Could it be a difference in your “love languages”?
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Probably. I’m always the one showing love. Giving love
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That was exactly my first thought. Different love languages caused problems between me and my husband for a while. I’m very much a physical touch/words of affirmation love language, and he’s a gifter into acts of service. I’d always be wanting him to say what he felt, and feeling like he didn’t care about me. On his side, he’d be buying me little things and doing little things to show he cared. He would see my words as “just words”, I’d only see his his love languages as “what did he do wrong that he’s trying to make up for?”
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Mines is physically touch and acts of service. He’s words of affirmation and gifts. I do that but maybe it’s not enough
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Love languages are really really important. It’s a big deal to be speaking the right language as well as understanding how you could be causing injury with it. Things that wouldn’t hurt you could be devastating for someone else. Experience!
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I forgot to mention, sounds like a great time to read the 5 love languages book. It was too late for me when I did. But shocking how much it made sense.
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I think that I will reread it. Thanks
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If possible, it might be wise to read it together with your husband. It sounds like it could be life changing to your marriage. If he made a comment like that, he is asking for help, telling you he wants something to be different. It’s out of a place of hurt rather than a place of bitterness. Hurt can be healed, bitterness is much more difficult.
Please don’t comment on this next part, I am not fishing but inviting thought, it could also be a reflection of what is going on intimately. There is a reason you become “one”. It’s needed to bring people back to centre. Some men need it more, some women, if it’s not there when someone does, it rips at them from every other angle. Just food for thought. Then there are times that intimacy is completely there but it is another love language issue. Praying for you in this.
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Thank you
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Do you love yourself? If yes, then you can love. How to love someone should be discussed with that person. Our love languages can change. That’s based on purely my experience though. I hope you’ll find a way to work it out.
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Yes I love me but maybe not as deeply as I should.
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Maybe its more about how he is feeling than what you are doing? Lashing out may just be deflecting
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True
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Maybe it is just for the moment. Maybe his perception might be clouded by some worry or other external factors. You obviously can love. And it looks like you do love him immensely. Show him. He will resonate.
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🙂
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Hi, I have a love-hate relationship with my better half. I’d like to share a quote from My Best Friend’s wedding starring Julia Roberts, “This too shall pass” Don’t dwell on the situation too much
Thanks and much appreciated for sharing
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❤ this. Thanks
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I was told by someone of my past that I made him feel unloved. I was so upset by the comment because really he just didn’t understand me. Which is why he is of the past. Did he know who he was in a relationship with? Were we even in the same relationship?
I am Love. I love love. I was so angry I broke it off with him, that relationship shouldn’t have never even begun. I’m all for always showing love it’s one of the things I do best. But for me I learned as much as we give so much love we have to make sure we saturate ourselves first. Keeping our cups flowing with love to make sure our love is felt, hear, & understood.
I made him feel unloved because I didn’t want to spend every moment of mine attached to him in some way. My alone time to be in my thoughts was a problem for him, nothing was ever good enough for him. If anything he made me feel unloved! Love is a mix of everything like respect and appreciation.
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Amen. ❤ this
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