All I really want:

Photo by mohamed Abdelgaffar on

I went to church today feeling different. I didn’t want to worship, I half-listened to the sermon. I felt out of place. I feel angry, hurt, sad and just tired. What am I doing wrong? I’m tired of people asking me how I feel when to be honest I don’t know. I’m tired of having a smile that’s not genuine. I’m tired of people thinking I’m acting weird when I don’t know why I feel this way or why I’m going through what I’m going through. I get people care, but stop. I feel like I want to be alone with no one around me. I feel like God left me months ago and my prayers are not being heard and will never be answered. I feel like I’m drowning in my own misery. I try not to think about it and go on like I’m fine but I’m not. I HATE FEELING THIS WAY. I really do. I hate not really being able to communicate how I truly feel. I don’t need pity or sympathy. I need someone to care if I don’t know the right words. I need someone to care if they see tears running down my face. I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE. After church, I went up to a lady that I know giving her an update and she asked me why I didn’t go down for prayer. I told her without hesitation that whatever the outcome is I’m okay with it and I have made peace. She wasn’t buying that and took me down for prayer. Something came alive in me again as this lady prayed for me, but it felt like as soon as the prayer was over my heart harden again, because God hasn’t been answering my prayers so far why would he start now? It’s hard and I’m not okay. My tears and pain are real. I’m tired of the test I just want to know what’s wrong with me. I just want a job. I just want this sadness to go away. I just want people to really care about me. That’s all that I want.

13 thoughts on “All I really want:

  1. Children of God go through these phase. What is necessary is take your eyes off your circumstances and meditate on a few facts.
    1. If God don’t make tomorrow no one live to see tomorrow.
    2. When we came in this world we carry nothing, we didn’t even know we were coming.
    3. Nothing is new under the sun, our problems are not new, some people own might be more intense than others.
    4. hearing someone else plight might make you feel like you never have a problem before.
    5. Someone else might just need your comfort
    I have been there you see when we are ambitious and we have high expectation for things to happen and everything seems stagnant nothing changing it brings stress. When we are praying and still nothing happening it seems like God is not hearing or we are not saying the right thing. Life is a battle the enemy will fight you to give us but you have to put stress under feet and crush it and let the devil know you FATHER THE ALMIGHTY GOD is your battle axe, He is your provider, This is the word my mother would say to me “God is perfecting everything”} It seems like biter medicine to me I wanted result now but I have learned.
    I am encouraging you stay faithful to Jesus Christ He is faithful that why he went to the cross and said nevertheless not my will. He gave His life for us. You see all that we are seeking materially one day have no use to us things get outdated or we get old. Securing of our soul is most important. I have been through a lot and up to this very hour you would be shock to know what I am currently going through but I trust God for His manifest power to do wonders in His due time.

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  2. God has not left you nor will He forsake you. He wants us to believe by faith no matter what, that He is there. It’s about our faith. Habakkuk 3:17‭-‬19 reads “Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.” If you can, find a quiet place and put on anointed worship music and let it minister to your spirit. Rejoice in the LORD, that is your freedom.

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  3. I said a prayer for you.

    “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”— John 14:1-3 (NIV)

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  4. Sister, I am praying for and with you. The LORD shall give us the desires of our heart. BELIEVE and KNOW, ASK and recieve.
    Yes! There are people who can attempt to ‘faith’ for you. The Word is clear. ASK and RECIEVE. Faith is The evidence of the substance of things we DO NOT see.
    If a neighbor is eating a sandwich and you are hungry – ask! If not, you anticipate that they would know. ASK for a bite, and be truly shocked as you get the whole sandwich.

    Faith is the substance of things we do NOT see. I am key to observe, in a near fatal Motor Vehicle Accident, paralyzed on my right side due to a brain bleed.
    I cannot remember the accident. I read (when I could read again) the police and hospital reports.

    Here I am writing this to you. Walking fast on both legs, working to The glory of God.

    Sister, live in Thanks giving and praise for all you’ve been given. Amen.

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  5. Hang in there! I think this time of year is really depressing due to the grey days and lack of sun. It’s easy to feel helpless and hopeless. I pray that you will find small pieces of happiness during the day to hold on to. God is hearing you. He often will do things in His time and you will see later on that his tapestry was woven in all along. Take care!

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  6. Don’t be discouraged ma’am. I know it could seem like God took a break on you. But He never does and He never will. He is the reason why you are still getting past “how you feel that you can’t even express” each passing day and He will get you through it unto your absolute healing in Him.
    He cares and He always does. ❤

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  7. I felt all of these same things, not being able to communicate what the problem is was the worst part. I realized that it was a demonic attack, the spirit of depression and heaviness so I began to press to do the total opposite of what I felt. I was intentional with everything. When I was without a job, I got up got my son to school, exercised and read the word. But when I read the word I wrote down everything I noticed God to be like a healer, way maker, comforter, my strength. Once done I just began to thank him for who I found him to be upon reading. When I say so many things began to change. Go through your home and anoint it with blessed oil and bind enemy and cast him out. Have a wonderful day Beautiful!

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  8. God says He will never leave you nor forsake. Often times, we feel as though God had turned a deaf ear to our prayers when He doesn’t answer in the way we want or in the time frame when we think He should, however, we must remember that His timing is perfect, sometimes its because we pray amiss (James 4:2) God knows what best for us so He either doesn’t answer us because its not His will or His timing and He almost never answers in the way we want Him to because His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). I pray that God strengthens you and speaks to your emotions and that He would perfect those things that concern you, in Jesus name!

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