Confessions of me:

Today my heart is heavy. My emotions are all over the place. I went to church today and the sermon spoke directly to me. When I tell you I felt the spirit move in me. Yesterday was my husband birthday and I wasn’t nice to him at all yesterday. I complained and had the biggest attitude toward him. How hard is it to pick a place that you want to eat???????? Was that what’s really bothering me? No, it’s not but I took my feelings out on him on his birthday. See I have a heart issue. My heart is hurting. I have always carried the load and burden for everyone, and that’s okay but there are times when I want to fix things for others. And when I can’t fix them I get mad. I pray about it often and there are times when I try to take it upon myself to make things happen. I want everyone happy even when I’m not happy. I want everyone to have friends and know what real friendship is like. But as a wife, I struggle to be there for my husband on his same issues. The issues that he deals with I find so simple to solve but it’s not that easy for him. I don’t have the compassion or patience that I should have. I’ve been married for almost 9 years and I still struggle with my role. What I should and shouldn’t do. I let my husband down in a big way, instead of being a friend and a listening ear, I was a source of complaining and nagging. I don’t know what it’s like to deal with other people’s issues. But I know what it’s like to deal with mines and I would want someone to listen to me and be there for me no matter what. I don’t understand why I’m so impatient with him. I want to fix everything but it’s not my job. I have to give it to God and let him do the work. I need to be more supportive, encouraging and more patient when it comes to matters of the heart with my husband. I need to really do some heart searching on myself and dig up the unwanted roots in my heart.

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4 thoughts on “Confessions of me:

  1. It may surprise you to hear that this IS what marriage looks like. It’s messy. It’s rude at times. It’s impatient and demanding. But it is also repentance. Forgiveness. Trying harder next time. And understanding. The key is letting your husband in on your struggle. Tell him how sorry you are for how you treated him on his birthday. Ask him to forgive you and pray that God will help you change. He is our only hope for a marriage that grows and succeeds. But you both have to talk about these issues to come to a deeper understanding of who you are. We highly recommend Gary Thomas’ books: Sacred Marriage and Cherish. He has a way of putting words to what we all experience in marriage. He says our “marriage is more about our holiness than our happiness.” Nine years in and you are just beginning to see the real you. I’d say that’s healthy as long as you don’t stay defeated. God is able to change you and your husband for His glory! And He will!
    Blessings.
    Debi

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