MY SECRET:

We all have secrets, but some secrets are to hard to open up about. Secrets have a way of haunting us and making us feel like everyone knows about the secret. Secrets have a way of making life complicated. Who should I tell? Should I tell anyone? Will someone judge me? How will this affect my life? Secrets have a way of making more questions than answers. I have a secret that I held inside until like three years ago when I let a group of people know my secret. A part of me felt the burden of it all lift and another part of me felt like I would be judged. As I told my story I realized I wasn’t the only one who went through this experience. I wasn’t the only one with a secret. It’s funny when you think that your the only person who has secrets. But at the end of telling my story, I was encouraged. I did it. I let it out. But you have to understand my story is common, but at the time I didn’t think anyone would understand why I did it. People always want to tell you what you should do in your situation, but to be honest we all do things that we feel are best for us. At this moment I felt that I was doing what was best for me, but in all honesty I’m not sure now. As I look back I have a lot of regrets and if I could go back and redo it would I do it differently? To be honest I can’t really answer that question.

Okay so I know your confused about what my secret is so here goes. I had an abortion. Yes I did. At the time I had two children already and I had lost a baby due to miscarriage between my oldest child and my second child. When I found out I was pregnant again I was so happy and excited, but early on in this pregnancy I knew something was wrong. It was like my body was rejecting this baby for some reason. I went to the doctor and he confirmed what I knew. I was sick and not in the morning sickness way either. I wasn’t that far along, and at the time I talked to the father of my child about what to do. We were both in agreeance on ending this pregnancy. I know your thinking why didn’t you do something different? I had options trust me, but the options that I had at the time I didn’t feel were right at the time. I had lost a child before to miscarriage and my body rejecting it so I had to have a DNC. I know you may feel like I have a lot of excuses, but trust me I don’t. At the time I was very young and felt like at the time I was doing the best that I knew to do at the time.

Trust me I have battled with myself over this for years. But I prayed about it and asked God to forgive me on many occasions. Well when I was telling my story I found out that I wasn’t the only one who has had an abortion. It was good to be to tell my story and finally heal. It was good to cry and release everything that I was feeling. It felt good to have people tell me it’s okay. This is my story. I have released the guilt and shame. Yes I know after people read this they will judge me, but like I said everyone is different. It’s always easy to give advice but hard to take it. Let me tell you that if you are struggling with a secret it is okay. We all are. I see and realize that we all hold things back that we don’t want other people to know because of the guilt and shame. But it’s truly okay. In your own time you can start telling people, but make sure you are ready, and it’s to people that you trust first. Secrets well they can haunt you, but they can also free you as well. Secrets have a way of making things better or worse. Well my secret helped me help other women who did the same thing as me. I’m not perfect and trust me I don’t judge anyone’s mistakes, because I make them all the time. But know and understand that your not the only one with a secret.

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