Insecurity:

The dictionary describes insecurity as uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. We all have some type of insecurity about ourselves. One of my insecurities is my lack of confidence in my looks. People measure beauty in all types of ways. As for me I’ve always been insecure about my looks and how I dress. See growing up I was always a tomboy. I loved getting dirty and climbing trees. However as I got older I started to develop as a young women, which had the boys looking at me a little longer. I’ve always considered myself as cute, but that was about it. Beautiful no, gorgeous heck naw. And for me I loved to dress for comfort and not because something was the latest fashion or style. For me sweats, t-shirt and shorts is what I could wear all day long. But nope my mom wasn’t having any of that tomboy mess all day long. She would dress me in dresses, skirts, all types of lace socks and stuff. And yes I did hate it. I didn’t understand why it took 2 hours to get my hair pressed and curled, but I could mess it up in 5 minutes. My mom didn’t give up though, she tried and most times succeed at getting me as girly as possible. As I got older my friends were in to make up and all types of things to enhance their beauty, but for me it all seemed so unnecessary because we should be comfortable in our own skin right? Wrong. A lot of my friends wore make up to help them look more beautiful our get the boys to notice them more. Not only did the make up appear, but there outfits changed also, no more looking like a little kid. I felt like I was left behind because when I got to high school I was still a tomboy. Hadn’t much changed for me. Yes I would have to wear dresses and stuff like that for church, school functions. But when I went to school I dressed how I wanted(tomboy).

The guys didn’t look at me any less than any other girl, but the only difference is some of the females didn’t leave much to the imagination when it came to their dressing. As for me I wanted as much covered up as possible. I was already insecure with myself. I’m tall for a female, skinny and had long hair. To me that was an awkward combination. So one day I told my cousin I want to dress more girly, not only did she look at me like I had 3 heads she wanted to know why. Well that was simple to impress a boy. Yes the boy is always who we are trying to impress. Now don’t get me wrong he noticed me in my tomboy clothes and even liked me for who I was, but I felt like if I dressed more like a girl then it would seal the deal.  Well I went out and got me some cute clothes. And yes I did get the boy, but I later learned that he like me no matter what I was wearing. And that stuck with me for a long time.

I started to get a lot of attention from guys because I was now wearing different clothes and it made my insecurity worse because I didn’t like how I looked our even felt in these clothes. I was trying to be someone else.  I had to learn to be me. My clothes don’t make me who I am, I make me who I am. Yes I still have a hard time seeing myself as beautiful. I do wear sweats and t-shirts still, but I also dress to make myself comfortable. I’m quite sure my husband would like for me to wear more sexy clothes. But he understands my anxiety when it come’s to this issue. I’ve come a long way in how I dress, but not only that I have come a long way in how I view myself also. It’s okay to be you. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

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