My Struggle: Part 1

We all struggle with something. But some are hard to deal with then other’s. My struggle has always been my  pride. My pride, my pride, my pride. My pride has been one of my biggest problems. I don’t like asking for help or asking things of people period. Why? People can be judgemental and often feel like if they do something for you then, you must do something for them back in return. I don’t mind helping other’s out at all, but I don’t like when people see that you need help and they treat you like you have the plague.

My pride has kept me from saying that I’m sorry and forgiving others. I use to hold grudges for years because why should I forgive other people who have hurt me? Why not hurt them back in return? How is this going to solve anything? How is fighting fire with fire a good thing? I learned that forgiveness is not for them but for me. In time I needed to heal from all my hurts and pains. All the baggage that I was carrying around had weighted me down to the point of not caring anymore. But how does that help me when my baggage problem could be solved if only I would forgive and let all of it go. I have done just that. You don’t know how much you struggle with things until it chokes you with misery. How can you move on when being choked by your pride?

For some pride isn’t really an issue for them. But for me it was and let me tell you how I put my pride aside. For years I didn’t know why I was struggling with this. It’s clearly not an easy issue to handle. But when you start to lose people and you start to block your own blessing’s because you don’t want to say sorry, or you feel like you right all the time. Well no one can be right all the time and saying sorry isn’t hard. I made it hard because I wanted to hurt those who hurt me back. But in the end I did more damage to myself then to them. The point I’m trying to make is that when you hurt and have unforgiveness in your heart please forgive and pray about it. The stress and weight of it is not worth it.

I lost some people who I thought were my friends but in the end I realized that my happiness is the most important. I had to learn that me being angry at someone else wasn’t bringing them pain, they wasn’t losing any sleep over me being mad. I had to let go of unforgiveness and say enough is enough. I love myself to much to keep putting myself through that much  pain. Your pride can and will be your down fall if you don’t do something about it.

Yes asking for help has gotten easier and I don’t hold grudges anymore. If someone does something to me I forgive them, but that doesn’t mean that we are cool. I can forgive and forget, but it doesn’t mean that I want to continue a friendship with you. I realized my pride problem before I lost everything and everyone that I love. Don’t let pride become a destruction in your life.

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