Heavy is the head:

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I have been told by many that I’m a rare friend. I will check on you to make sure that your good and I will remember your birthday. I’m that friend who checks on you weekly and celebrates all the highs in your life. And I’m that friend who will be there during the lows as well. No matter how long it has been since we have seen each other I always check on you. I keep your secrets and encourage you. I’m there for them through storms and trails. I’m that friend who will be on the phone with you for 3 hours while you cry your eyes out and vent. I will send you cards to let you know that I’m thinking about you or a funny card to make you laugh. I’m that friend whom you can call or text and I will always respond. That’s the type of friend that I am. But when it comes to me well people fall very short. No one texts or calls me first. There is no encouragement or cards. It’s a heavy burden that I carry because I care for people deeply. I have been told that I’m a rare friend, but shouldn’t you care and check up on people that you say are your friend? Maybe I’m putting too much importance on the word friend. Maybe people are being who they are. But if you say someone is a friend why wouldn’t you check on them? Am I missing something?

Time-out:

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I have been struggling with protecting my peace. I have felt like everyone’s go-to person. Whether I’m busy or need time to myself people feel like I’m convenient for them whenever they need me. Despite what I may be doing or have to do. I’m drained mentally and I have told myself that I was going to create boundaries but I never stuck to them. This is more my fault than anyone else’s fault. I feel like I pour so much into others and that drains me. Especially when people don’t pour into me. You can’t make a withdrawal if there is no money in the bank. And right now there is no money in the bank for people to take from. Yesterday I spent the day trying to refresh myself and get some of that energy back. But I’m exhausted honestly. There is so much going on at times I need my space and peace. I just wish other’s understood that. I wish others wouldn’t take and not give at times. It’s an overwhelming burden that I deal with all the time. I just need to really stick to my plan of having boundaries. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of dealing with everyone’s issues and problems. I need to refresh myself so that I can be the best version of myself. I need a time-out. I need a reset in my life.

Book review: An offer from a gentlemen

I got this book from my mom for my birthday. She knows how much I love Bridgerton. This is the first Bridgerton book that I have read. But let me tell you it’s as real as the Netflix series is. This book was so well written and it takes you on a journey you were not prepared for. This book gave me all the highs and the lows that you could want. So of course I enjoyed this book. And yes it’s a must read.

Book review: Let love rule

I love a good book that is completely transparent. I love the honestly with a mix of humility. This book made me see a different side of Lenny. Just because you grow up with a famous parent doesn’t mean you get everything you want. I love how he talks about both sides of his family. His mistake’s and how he trusted his gut in situations that were important to him. This book is awesome and I hope he comes out with another one soon. If you read this book please tell me your thoughts.

New month, new me:

Happy August. It’s a new month and this is going to be a new me. Last month was pretty rocky and it shatter me in so many ways. But I can’t let my attitude about what happened to control the joy that I have. I know that there will be seasons in my life where I’m up and seasons where I’m down. But the most important lesson should be that I find joy in whatever season that I’m in. Trouble doesn’t last always. It had been a while since I had journaled and yesterday I took the time to write down my thoughts and feelings. And I was amazed at how much I miss journaling. I’m going to get back to the things that made me happy and brought me joy. I have one area in my life that I can’t seem to get together but I shouldn’t let that area bring me down. Happy August everyone.

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Disappointed:

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As you all know I was super excited to start a new job. I liked the work that I was doing and my boss and co-workers were amazing. During training, my boss got sick and ended up being admitted to the hospital. She comes back to work and gets blindsided by her boss. But that’s not the worst part, they are changing things in the department and they fired her that afternoon because they felt she didn’t fit with the new vision. That shocked me to my core, that made me see the CFO in a whole new light. I didn’t know the man just seen him in passing and he was new like me. But wait there is more, he puts someone who doesn’t know anything about accounting as our new manager. And to top that off me and someone else is a temp and the CFO pretty much let us know that he didn’t want temps. It wasn’t his decision to hire us and as far as we are concerned he doesn’t know how we are going to work out. I hit the ground running with this new company, this isn’t my first time doing accounts payable but I wasn’t used to their software. But I caught on fast and hit the ground running. But he thought less of me. What he was saying was he wanted to bring his team in and we weren’t what he wanted. So yesterday was my last day with that company. It hurts because some of the people that worked there were awesome, but when you are treated like my boss and I well it says a lot about the heart of the company. I have to start all over now with the job hunting process again. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in this job search. I thought this would be a long-time career but now it’s back to the drawing board again. Even though this feels like a defeat it’s not. I have to keep a positive mindset.

Life lessons:

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Why is it that we have family members and friends that we don’t talk to? I was reflecting on this topic a while ago. I’m that person who reached out to everyone but hardly does anyone reach out to me. I’ve learned that if I don’t check on people then I will never talk to them. This bothers me because why am I the only one reaching out? Why am I the one who is taking time out of my day to check on you? I wonder at times do you ever think about me and if I’m okay? Do you ever have the urge to check on me? This used to bother me, but one day my mom was like have you talked to such and such and I said no. And she was like why not? And I told her the only time that I talk to this person is when I reach out, if they care about me then they can reach out as well. One day I experimented and I didn’t text anyone for a week. I wanted to see who would reach out to me and I was very surprised to see the same people texted me every day. That said a lot to me about who cares, after that week I made an effort to be intentional with the people who care. It bothered me at first but now I’m okay with my small circle. I only want those who want me. Life teaches us many lessons.

Same page:

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Good morning everyone. Welcome to a new week. I have been super busy since the last time that I posted. Life can teach you so many lessons and some lessons are so simple that we just have to be reminded. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to ask for help unless I really need it. But lately, I have been feeling myself getting stressed out. I work, come, home cook, clean, and do anything else that needs to be done. If I see that it needs to be done then I will do it. And I had to learn that I’m not superwoman, I can’t do it all. Yes, my husband and daughter help but not as much as I felt like they could. My body has been so drained that the past week I just said forget it. I’m not doing a lot of cooking or cleaning and I didn’t. Teamwork isn’t about one person doing it all. It’s about the team communicating with each other. And that is where my household fell short. We were not communicating about what needed to be done and who will do it. I’m a firm believer that every lesson is a blessing. As a team where one is weak, another is strong. If I would have never communicated how I felt things would have continued and no one would have understood the strain that I was under. I need to do better with my communication. But at least now my team and I are on the same page.

Let’s talk positive:

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This week has been pretty amazing. I have to say that I’m loving how I do things now. As you know I started a new job this week that I’m really loving, but more importantly than that, I have started a new habit. My new habit is on my way to work in the morning I talk to God. I take as long as I need to let him know how grateful I am and what’s on my heart. In the mornings I just use to read my devotionals and journal and that was it. But I have gotten in the habit of really talking to God and trying to build a better relationship with him. Not only that but I’m getting in the habit of really talking better to myself. My self-talk used to be horrible but now I’m a lot kinder to myself. I have had to learn that just because you go through something doesn’t mean that you have to be ugly to yourself. God has me and always will. I need to be kinder to myself. So how is your self-talk?

It get’s greater later:

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I have heard the saying that it gets greater later. Well, I’m here to tell you that that is the truth. I use to be in some pretty unhealthy relationships and when I started working on myself and not worrying about being in the next relationship that is when I found who God had for me. I remember one day after church a friend of mine was talking to me about writing down everything that she was looking for in a man. I was like I’m going to have to try that because what I’m doing isn’t working at all for me. So I wrote down what I wanted in a man. And I forgot all about that paper until I met my husband. God gave me what I needed and wanted in one person. As I’m going through a new transition in life my jobs have always been in the medical field, legal field, or just administration field. And the money was great and the experience was great but I felt like I needed more and to be honest deserve more. It feels like no matter how hard you work no one notices the person doing more than others. Others can do enough to get by or enough to always ask for help. I’ve been discouraged about the job search. I’m very picky either it was too far, overqualified, or just wasn’t interested in the job. So I went on a job interview last week and the job interview was amazing. But there was one catch to it and that made me not want to take the job because of my lack in one area. Well, let me tell you the lady who interviewed me said that I was a diamond in the rough and that she didn’t mean to scare me off about this one particular part of the job. She wanted me and told the staffing agency that. Let me just say this I needed to get out of my comfort zone. It’s a little farther than I would have liked to go, but it’s time for me to step out and stop letting things interfere with what God has for me. Not only do I have a new job that I start on Monday, but also new pay. So yes it does get greater later. If you have been with me since the beginning you know that I share my life and I keep it 100% real on here. My journey will not look like yours but one thing about a journey you will always learn something from it.